“What did she say?” I asked gently, thinking of the watch in my pocket.
He cleared his throat. “She used to say find your tribe. Only let people into your life who make it better, who understand you on a soul-deep level. And once you find them, never let them go.”
There was beauty in those words. The only tribe I’d ever known was me, my sister and my dad. We’d been inseparable for so many years, it was heart-breaking to think we’d all been ripped apart. By death, by life. I’d never expected to find a tribe outside of them. People I could rely on who weren’t blood. But Monroe was that to me. And though the three boys who held me were my captors, they were also my keepers. They would destroy anyone who hurt me. It was just a shame they didn’t realise it was themselves they needed to punish.
“I’m not your tribe, Blake,” I said. “I’m your captive.”
“Doesn’t matter. I let you in, Tate. I’ve made you mine. I’m yours too, whether you want me or not. If you don’t like it that’s fine, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”
I glanced at him, trying to pull free of his hold but he didn’t let go. “What’s in it for you?” I narrowed my eyes, my voice hard. “You haven’t done anything to me for weeks. I thought this was about revenge.”
“It was,” he grunted. “It is,” he corrected a beat later.
“So what’s your plan, Blake? You’re gonna keep me forever? Why?” I demanded. “You must know it’s not going to make anything better. I’m not responsible for the virus. And even if my father is – which he isn’t – what gives you the right to hurt me for his crimes?”
“You’d wanna hurt whoever you could if you lost someone the way I did,” he growled and I elbowed him hard in the ribs, forcing him to let go of me. I moved into his path to block his way, pointing a finger at him as rage crawled up my throat.
“I did lose someone. And yeah, maybe I don’t have a culprit to blame for it, but do you know how hard it is to have no one to blame?” My voice had risen and heat was scorching my veins. “I know you’re suffering, Blake, but I’m suffering too. And you know what I don’t need in my life?” I shoved him in the chest and he let me push him back a step, his eyes wide with surprise. “Three fucking assholes making my life hell. I didn’t want to come to Everlake in the first place. I didn’t want to be here.” I shoved him in the chest again and his eyes darkened.
I could tell I was luring the beast in him to the surface of his flesh. He could punish me for this, but he wasn’t. And I didn’t know why, but I was sure as hell going to keep pushing my boundaries because one day my invisible cage might just shatter.
“I know you’re hurting,” he said in a gravelly tone. “I see it in your eyes. I can taste it on you. If I’m really honest, maybe I knew all along and didn’t want to believe it. If you’ve looked grief dead in the eye, you can recognise that in others. And after Saint read out your letters-”
“Don’t,” I cut him off, emotion making my throat tight. “Don’t talk about that.”
“Tatum,” he croaked.
“Don’t fucking talk about that!” I yelled, shoving him in the chest again. “They were the most precious thing in the world to me and they’re gone. Gone. And you did nothing to stop him, you held me down, watched while he destroyed me. How could you do that if you knew? How could you?” I threw my weight at him again and he took another step back as I pushed him. The watch was burning a hole in my pocket. It was probably precious to him in the way those letters were precious to me, but why should I give it back when I would never get my letters in return?
He shook his head, his eyes blazing with words, but he didn’t utter a single one of them. “I’m sorry about your sister.”
“You’re not sorry!” I shouted, tears blurring my vision. “None of you are sorry for anything. You storm through life trampling everyone in your way. I’m just another victim being dragged under your heels. Why won’t you leave me in the dirt? When are you going to be satisfied?” I shoved him again, but he caught my wrists this time, dragging me closer with his teeth bared.
“That’s enough,” he warned and my tears spilled over, leaving burning hot trails down my cheeks. “I share your pain, it’s raw and blinding. But it made you strong and some part of me wanted to break you because I was broken. I’m weak. I won’t get through this, but you will. You already have.” He sounded so angry and hateful, but the hurt in his voice made me ache everywhere. He released my wrists, his eyes brimming with pain.
I swallowed hard, shaking my head as more tears raced down my cheeks. “It took me years to deal with my pain, I’m still dealing with it now. You have to let yourself be weak so that you can get strong again. You’re fighting it too hard.”
“What else am I supposed to do?!” he bellowed, grabbing the lapels of my coat and pulling me forward so he was staring right into my eyes, searching desperately for something. His spiced cologne tangled with the carnal scent of man on him and part of me wanted to wrap him in my arms and soothe away his pain. But that wasn’t my place. I should have been glad that he was hurting, but
