The Escalade pulls up beside me and slows, keeping pace with my jog as one of the windows rolls down and Rafael hangs an arm out of the passenger side window. My heart stutters in my chest, despite everything that’s happened. I spot Jordy in the backseat. Looks like the gang is all here.
“Isa,” Rafael calls my name. His voice is hard and I instantly bristle at his tone. “Get in the car.”
“Pass,” I tell him, picking up my pace. I swallow, forcing myself not to focus on the sound of his voice. Longing sweeps through me, but I push it aside and keep my eyes trained ahead of me.
“Isa.” There’s a warning in his voice. He’s angry. Does he blame me for what happened last night? Probably. I’m the reason his best friend was hurt.
“Go away, Rafael.”
The Escalade jerks to a stop and Rafael jumps from the car. I squeal when he rushes me and between one second and the next, he has me hoisted over his shoulder and unceremoniously throws me into the backseat beside Jordy before slamming the door and getting back in the front seat.
“Bro, what the fuck?” Jordy snaps. “What happened to playing this cool?”
“Buckle up.” Rafael barks, ignoring him.
I rush to right myself and then press against the door as far away from Jordy as I can get as Des pulls the car back onto the road. My breaths are loud and heavy in the quiet space and I can feel all their eyes on me.
“Let me out.” Adrenaline floods through me and I close my eyes. It’s just the guys. I’m fine. They’re not going to hurt me. Even if Rafael is angry with me, he wouldn’t hurt me. Come on, Isa. Don’t freak out.
It doesn’t matter. Telling myself I’m safe doesn’t stop the panic coursing through my veins. I’m hyperventilating now.
“Isa, it’s okay. We just want to talk.” Jordy unbuckles and slides closer to me and I lose it.
“Let me out. Let me out!” My fingers claw at the door. Finding the handle, I jerk it open. Desmond slams on the brakes just as I throw myself from the car. I slam against the pavement, asphalt scraping against my skin and three sets of doors open and slam shut. Curses fly but I’m already scrambling to my feet, uncaring of the scrapes or bruises I know I have. Blood drips down my forearm and all three guys step toward me.
“Stop! Don’t come any closer.” I hold a hand out toward them, urging them to stay away. My other hand clutches my head as I struggle to get air into my lungs. My head is pounding, an incessant beat growing louder and louder as each second passes. Why does this keep happening? I was fine last night. I … I curse. I had my saber. I had that fucking sword and it made me feel safer. Now all I have is me and I already learned the hard way that me isn’t enough.
“Isa, we won’t come any closer. Breathe. We won’t hurt you. You know that.” Des’s voice cuts through some of my panic. I step back on the pavement until my feet meet grass and I collapse. Pressing my head between my knees I rock back and forth, sucking in air.
“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.” If I say it enough, it’ll be true.
“What do you need?” Desmond again.
I shake my head.
“Isa?” Jordy’s voice is higher than usual. I look up and all three are standing maybe fifteen feet away with a mix of worried and confused expressions.
I swallow hard. “A weapon.” My voice shakes. “My stupid sword.”
Three scowls greet me but without hesitation, Desmond pulls a blade out and tosses it to the ground beside me. I clench the handle in my hands, rubbing my thumb over the grip.
“You okay?” he asks as he takes a step closer. Then another. My breathing slows and I shudder.
Desmond crouches down in front of me, hands lifted in surrender. “No one is going to hurt you.” Safe. Des is safe. Jordy steps closer, his steps hesitant.
My chest rises and falls faster and faster. I close my eyes. “I’m sorry. I—” I shake my head. Des waves him back and without me having to ask, he steps further away from me.
“What’s going on?” Desmond asks.
I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about it. I know I’m freaking out and I know they want answers, but I can’t—
“Is this because of the attacks?” His voice is gentle.
“God, this is embarrassing.”
“Baby—”
I jerk my head toward Rafael. His voice is filled with pain as his wide, haunted eyes meet mine. His hands are clenched into white-knuckled fists at his sides. He steps closer and I flinch.
Cursing, he rounds to the opposite side of the car. “Dammit.”
“You’re not helping. Get your shit together,” Desmond tells him. He turns back to me. “I just want to help. I didn’t know. Not until last night…”
Last night, after Rafael showed up with his Dad. He must have told them about what happened at the game. Shame washes over me in cascading waves that leave me drowning in self-loathing and disgust. They know. All three of them know just how weak I am. I press the heels of my palms against my eyes.
“Isa—” Des draws my attention.
“Give me a minute.” I gasp for breath and force more words past
