“Do you want to see them?” he asks, holding perfectly still, almost like he’s afraid to breathe. I realize how close I’ve gotten to him and my own heart races, but I fight through the wave of apprehension and nod.
He holds his hand out and with shaking fingers I trace the design on his left hand before jerking away and putting a foot of distance between us. Hurt flashes in his eyes before he masks it.
I inhale a lungful of air. It’s just Rafael. I remind myself. I force my gaze back to his hands, allowing myself time to take in the dark ink. To breath in his scent and take comfort in the familiarity of it.
“Why an anchor?” I’m whispering and have no idea why.
“Because when you’re adrift, when you can’t find your way to shore, I want to be the one who steadies you.”
My heart seizes in my chest. “You got this for me?” I ask, dumbfounded.
His smile is hopeful.
“I don’t understand,” I say. “This is permanent, Rafael. You didn’t have—”
He cuts me off. “I did, Isa. I need you to see how important you are to me. How much you matter and how incredibly sorry I am. I just… I want another chance. To do everything the right way. To treat you like you deserve to be treated. To court you properly.”
To court me. As in … a tear rolls down my cheek and I hastily wipe it away. Forcing down the sudden knot in my throat I ask, “And what is this one? Is it an orchid… or maybe a daffodil?” I examine his right hand. This one is smaller though it still covers most of his hand.
Rafael shakes his head. “No. Not an orchid or a daffodil.”
“What is it then?”
“It’s a vanilla planifolia.” At my confused expression he adds, “Mexican vanilla.”
I look away as emotion threatens to bubble up out of me. It’s as if he’s shoved his hand in my chest and squeezed my heart until it beats only for him. The walls I’ve built to protect myself begin to crumble and my wolf sings deep inside me.
I catch sight of Zheng. He’s retreated toward his car and is sitting on the hood, giving us some semblance of privacy. His eyes meet mine and he gives me a barely perceptible nod as if to say, yeah, that just happened. I turn back to meet Rafael’s raw gaze.
“Why?” I force myself to ask. None of this makes sense. “Why are you trying so hard to fix something that never really started?”
“Because you’re worth it. You’re worth all of it. All the fighting, the pain, the feelings. You make me fucking feel, Isa.” He slaps a hand on his chest right over his heart. “Right here. You make my wolf sing. Both man and wolf only have eyes for one person. You. Only you. I don’t just want you. I fucking need you.” He steps forward and presses his forehead against mine, cupping my face in his strong inked hands and I close my eyes, breathing him in. Fighting through the fear of being close to a boy I’m not sure I can trust. “Isabella Romero, I need you in my life.”
Instinctively, I know Rafael would never hurt me. Not physically. But the fear of giving this boy my heart has the air in my lungs freezing.
“Rafael, I can’t lose a—”
“You won’t,” he says with conviction. “You fucking won’t. I can promise you that. I don’t know how to do this whole relationship thing. I’m learning as I go here. But I won’t ever turn my back on you like that again. Never, Isa. Just give me this chance. One more chance. I won’t mess it up.”
“I’m broken,” I tell him because it’s true. I’m broken, my pieces jagged and sharp.
“Let me pick up all your broken pieces and put you back together. Let me be your anchor when you’re lost and the world keeps spinning around you.”
I pull back, and my heart aches seeing the sheer vulnerability on his face. His hands fall from my cheeks to wrap around me and I’m almost surprised when I don’t stiffen. “And when we graduate?”
He presses his face into my hair. “We figure it out. I’m not letting you go, vanilla. I need you too much.”
My heart does a free fall and I pray that this time, he doesn’t let it splatter on the ground near his feet. My trust is a bruised and battered thing. But I think I love the wolf standing in front of me. And I think he loves me, too. Neither one of us knows how to say it. Words don’t feel like they’ll ever be enough.
But Rafael said he needs me, so I take a leap of faith and let my truth pass over my lips, whisper soft. “Maybe we need each other.”
42 Isabella
4 months later
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Isa. Happy birthday to you.”
My smile is beaming as I lean forward and blow out the candles on the cake Mrs. Castillo made for me. It’s my eighteenth birthday, and while I don’t feel any different than I did yesterday, I know that after today, everything is going to change.
It’s been four months since Rafael and I decided to give a real relationship between us a try. We’ve had our ups and downs, and I’m still learning to cope with my experiences, but I’ve made a lot of progress.
I don’t freak out anymore when I see a vampire. And I don’t jump at the sight of my shadow or when someone catches me off guard.
Like when Rafe comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, like he’s doing now, leaning in to kiss my neck. “Did
