“Here’s your copy,” she said, handing me the ultrasound image. “You’ll need to get some blood work done in the next few days.”
Dr. Brinkley was saying other stuff too, but I couldn’t hear her anymore. Everything was happening so fast, it had me spinning in a total fog, a million questions reeling through my mind.
What next?
What about Bridgeport?
What about the Fashion Institute?
What about Mom and Dad?
I left the office in a haze, going through the motions like a zombie. A pregnant zombie. I know I signed something at the front desk, and I think I made another appointment, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around anything solid. I just stuffed the paperwork inside my purse and walked out the door.
-CARTER-
I waited around for another half hour before Lauren finally made her appearance, looking way more drained than before. I hopped out of the truck, and headed over to her side, my heart pinching tight when I noticed her bloodshot eyes.
“Hey,” I said, opening her door. “Everything all right?”
She nodded and climbed up in the passenger seat. “We should get back.”
“No problem.” I closed her door, frowning as I returned to the driver’s side and started the engine.
She kept her eyes on her window, arms folded across her stomach as I headed back toward the freeway. “You still hungry?”
“I don’t think I can eat.”
“Want to talk about it?”
She shook her head, wiping at her cheeks. “No offense, Carter. You seem like a good guy, and it was really nice of you to drive me, but I don’t really know you.”
“Does the fact that I was close with Tucker in high school help? You two are friends, right?”
She scoffed. “Not really. He’s one of my thousand exes.”
Lauren took a sharp breath, turned her back toward me, and leaned her forehead on the passenger window. Her shoulders shook and moaning sobs racked her entire body. She tugged at her hair and pulled her knees up to her chest, burying her face in them before she slammed her fist against the seat. What the heck was going on? I shifted to the right lane and pulled into a home improvement store parking lot and parked.
“Just go,” she squeaked. “I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that. Would a milkshake help? I saw some golden arches back there.”
Wiping her eyes, she sniffed and released a weighted breath, swallowing a couple times. “Sorry. I’m just . . . my life’s basically over. I’m not really sure what I should do. I can’t even think.”
Whoa.
“Is it cancer?”
“What—no. That’s totally off.”
“Listen. Whatever it is, don’t give up, okay?”
“That’s so easy to say, but I’m a total mess, Carter. You have no idea what not giving up looks like for me.”
Her face fell again, contorting as another round of tears hit her.
“No, but I know what it looks like for me.” My throat burned, and my eyes blurred. I took a swig of water and cleared my throat, fighting against the heartache of knowing I’d never see Megs’ bright smile or hear her soothing voice again. “I can’t tell you I’m going through the same thing as you, whatever it is. But, I can promise, I have every right in the world to give up. And, I haven’t.”
“I’ll be okay. Eventually. I just have so much to figure out.”
I dug around in the console between us and handed her a few napkins and another water. “Here.”
She took them both, attempting a weak smile. “Thanks.” She dabbed her eyes as I pulled back out into traffic. A long silence fell between us and I thought the conversation was over.
“I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose a leg, Carter. I hope you don’t think I’m downplaying whatever you went through.”
A hollow ache welled in my chest, traveling through my bones. I leaned forward, hoping it would take the strain off my heart. It didn’t. There was nothing that could get rid of the strain. It’s what I’d dealt with, nonstop, since I found out she was gone.
“It was nothing compared to losing my wife.”
She went silent.
“She uh . . . she died in the same accident that took my leg.”
“Oh my gosh,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Life’s rough, is all I’m trying to say. But, it’s worth living.”
“What was her name?”
“Megan. We were married four years. The best four years of my life. But that’s not the worst part. About a month after the accident, I did give up. Life just wasn’t worth it anymore. I was stuck at my parents’ and . . . barely able to sit up on my own.”
My lungs were freezing up again, but it didn’t matter. I had to get it out. Lauren needed to know that she wasn’t alone.
“Mom and Dad knew I was losing it, and they watched me like a hawk. Kept all their firearms out of the house, took rotations sitting at my bedside to monitor me, like a kid, or something. I secretly saved up my pain meds and took them all together. My dad walked in as I swallowed. He called 911.”
I still remembered the hurt in his face when I woke up in the hospital. The way he wouldn’t look at me the same after that.
“I’ve been in intensive therapy since then, and I’m doing a lot better, but my dad still doesn’t trust me. I came to Bridgeport to try and prove he doesn’t have to worry about me now. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since that night, and I’d do anything to make things right again.”
“Oh my gosh, Carter. Do you have someone to talk to at camp?”
I nodded. “I’m seeing Pastor Gregg. My counselor back home thinks working at Bridgeport will be like doing exposure therapy. He thinks it’ll help me try and get past Megs. I’m just not sure I want to.”
Five
-LAUREN-
My mouth gaped and I scraped for something to say. But, I couldn’t. How was I supposed to speak after a confession like that? I sat there
