“Hello?” Matty answered, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Carter?”
“Hey, Matty. What’s up, man?” Acting like things were normal was so much easier than acknowledging the awkwardness. Normal was just a mask for me now, but I’d wear it for him. “Got your texts.”
“Good. So, how’s camp life been? Miss you, brother.” I could imagine him talking, scratching the side of his blond head, the way he did whenever he was about to ask for something. “It’s gotta be different as an adult right?”
“It’s been good,” I ran a finger across my radio screen. “Only been there a few days, but you know, it’s still the mountain.”
“Yup. I remember. Loved it up there back in the day, man. Hey, look. I’m kind of in a rush right now. Did you get my texts about my uh . . . situation?”
I swallowed. I can’t say why I guessed he might want to just talk, but I kind of hoped he would. “Yeah. I got ’em.”
“Any way you can help me get through till payday? I could really use it right now.”
I let out a heavy breath, trying to remember what the counselors had said. Enabling Matty’s gambling addiction wouldn’t actually help his grief. It was a symptom of a bigger problem, and if I kept giving him money, he’d never have to face the source.
“Look, I don’t really have anything extra right now.” Not much anyway. I’d saved up about $2000 in an attempt to try and get out of Mom and Dad’s, but I couldn’t afford to lend him any of it, or it would mean an extension to my timeline in their house. And, more than anything, I wanted to prove to Dad that I could be out on my own again.
“Please, Carter. I know I’ve asked a lot, but ever since I lost her, I can’t function right, you know? I had to call in sick again yesterday, and I’m out of sick time.”
I closed my eyes, nodding, but I still didn’t get how he never put two and two together. “Drinking and partying’ll make you sick, man.”
“Please, Carter. Just this once. It’s the last time I’ll ask.”
Sure it was.
“I can send you a hundred, but that’s it.”
I owed him for the pain I’d caused. If I saved all my Bridgeport earnings, I’d still have enough for a deposit on an apartment by the end of August anyway. And if it really helped him out, I could spare it this once.
“Thanks, man.”
I ended the call and stared down at a picture of my gorgeous wife. Megs was my girl and always would be.
Her name was a song I couldn’t stop singing, no matter how hard I tried. And, when it wasn’t on my lips, it was playing in the background, her memory swaying along with the melody. I wondered if I’d ever be able to get over her.
So many people told me it wasn’t healthy hanging on the way I was. But, I’d loved her so hard and for so long, I wasn’t sure if it was possible to do anything else. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Besides, how could I take a chance at losing everything again?
Four
-LAUREN-
Dressed in a hideous paper gown, I laid back on the exam table and watched as a woman named Dr. Brinkley spread warm gel across my abdomen. A few minutes ago, I’d unleashed the reality of my madness on her—I told her about my latest breakup and everything that had happened since. How tired I’d been, how I missed my last period, and how I almost passed out at lunch earlier. She had me leave a urine sample in the bathroom for a pregnancy test, but she wanted to do an ultrasound while we waited for the results anyway.
As she wheeled the ultrasound machine into the room, I closed my eyes and prayed so hard that everything was fine. That I wasn’t pregnant. That life could go back to normal after this.
Please, God. I’ll do anything.
“Okay.” Dr. Brinkley pointed to the screen on the cart she’d wheeled in. “See this here?” She trailed her finger around the edge of a muddy cone in the middle of a gray ocean.
Hovering above her fingertip was the outline of a tiny alien form with two arms and two wispy legs floating beneath.
I gasped. “Is that . . . ?”
“Mm hmm. There it is.”
“So, I am pregnant.” My blood ran hot-white and washed ice-cold all at once, my heart slamming, like a door slamming shut, over and over inside my chest. Slamming on the Fashion Institute. My relationship with Kel. Mom. My job. My future. I couldn’t breathe.
“You are. Ten weeks, judging by the size.”
“Oh my gosh.”
My eyes watered and my nose stung the longer I stared at the screen. The little form wriggled and turned onto its back, the wispy legs kicking like it was riding a bike.
“I knew it was possible, but I didn’t think it would . . .”
Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. How dumb could I be?
What was I supposed to do now?
I needed to call Kellie. But, I so didn’t want to. What if she was so done with me she never wanted to talk to me again?
The doctor pressed a few buttons. “Just going to freeze a few of these images. Have you decided what you’d like to do?”
“I’m keeping it,” I blurted. As crazy as it seemed, it was the one thing I knew without a doubt. I wasn’t sure if Ren would be in this with me, but I could cross that bridge later.
Dr. Brinkley pressed another button, the screen shifting to colorful lines pulsing and flickering across the image. “Just need to get a reading on the heartbeat.” She pressed another button, and a swift rhythmic whooshing sound projected from a speaker. “Hear that? Nice and strong.”
I nodded, more tears falling. Tears I couldn’t explain. I wasn’t sure if it was fear or hope that had my eyes welling,
