days?”

Dang, he wasn’t cutting me any slack this session was he? “A little better. I know He’s there. That He still has a plan for me. Obviously, since I’m still alive. When it comes to praying for someone else, it’s been easier, but I’m still having a hard time praying for myself.”

“At all?” He looked pretty worried about that.

“I’ve thought a lot about what you said last time. About being okay with the dynamic being different between me and God. I’m working on it.”

“Well, have you told Him you’re angry with Him yet?”

I shook my head as we started on the trail around the lake. A couple joggers passed by. “Not sure if I’m ready to.”

“Soon enough, you will be. I’d challenge you to at least try telling Him that, if you can’t muster anything else.”

“Will do.” I focused on the uneven ground, planning my path out a few feet ahead, so I wouldn’t hold him back.

“What about the memories? Have those been healing for you?”

“They’re torture, sir.”

Just about a week had passed since my walk with Lauren. I’d avoided Megs’ memory since then, but a few came up on their own. Lauren was there every time I’d told her about them, though.

Pastor Gregg chewed on his bottom lip as we paused for a stream of teen girls crossing the path, leaving a trail of perfume as thick as fog behind them.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Carter. Hopefully facing them will be more productive than counterproductive. The longer you’re here, the easier it should get.”

“I really hope so. I have no idea how I’m supposed to ever feel comfortable in a place filled with Megs’ memories. But I’m trying.”

“Are you finding you’re able to work through the pain?”

“Yes, sir. I’m doing pretty good. I think. Actually, I have this friend. She’s been helping me a lot.”

“She has, now has she?” His tone brightened.

“Affirmative. She’s kind of been a rock for me this past week.”

“Huh. Well, on that note. Carter, have you gone on any dates in the past year?”

What? Why was he asking me that?

“Negative, sir.”

“I hate to say it, bud, but if you’re really ready to stamp this thing out, you’re gonna have to try and go on a couple dates.”

What the—? Stamp this thing out? Like my beautiful memories of Megs was something to get rid of? I shook my head so hard my prosthesis slipped a few inches on the surface of an uneven rock.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“The idea isn’t to find a new wife. The idea is to take small steps toward figuring your life out from here, and part of that is living in the present. Learning how to have fun again. Dating will help you do that. Especially if you choose to go on a few dates while you’re up here. You could even try asking this girl you’re talking about. Is she on staff?”

Why was everyone pushing me to start dating again? My chest constricted, my gut clenching at the thought. Everything he said made sense logically, but my heart couldn’t handle it.

I wasn’t ready.

“I know it’s tough, Carter, but you can trust that I have your end goal in mind. In order to get over the shame and guilt, you’re going to have to face the source.”

“I can’t betray Megan like that, sir.”

“There’s part of your issue right there. It’s not betrayal, bud. At least tell me you’ll think about it.”

Right now, all I wanted to do was punch Pastor Gregg in the face. I forced my clenched fists open.

“No,” I growled—my weak attempt at speaking in a neutral tone. “And, I’m not a liar. I won’t tell you I’ll think about it.”

“We’d better earmark this conversation for another time. Let’s go ahead and turn back.”

“Agreed.”

I didn’t talk to Pastor Gregg on our return trip.

“See you Wednesday?” he asked in front of his place.

“I guess.”

I stalked off. Knew I was being rude. Didn’t care. Checked my watch. 17:45. Lauren was off in forty-five minutes. Coffee sounded pretty good right about now.

The coffee shop door jingled as I stepped inside and made eye contact with one smokin’ hot barista. She was looking especially gorgeous with her makeup all light and natural. Yeah, Lauren was funny, supportive beyond belief, and had killer flair—but she was just a friend.

She was wearing a baggy green jumpsuit that cuffed at her ankles and a black turtleneck tank top today. Her hair was styled in some half-up braided-crown thing. She grinned at me as she ran a finger down her dangling white feather earring.

“I’m closing up soon. Are you here to hang out?”

Returning her grin felt like second nature and eased that tension in my chest. “Thought I’d get a cup of joe first. Have any left?”

She moved to the espresso machine and pulled a coffee mug from a stack beside her.

“Man, you don’t want to know what Pastor Gregg talked to me about today.”

“Try me.”

“He said I should take you on a date.”

Lauren didn’t bust up laughing. She stared at me, clutching the coffee mug.

“I mean, he’s crazy, right?”

The coffee shop door jingled, Lauren’s eyes cut to the customer behind me, and she gasped.

A blondish, good-looking guy about an inch shorter than me stood there. His clothes screamed preppy, especially his stupid green shoes that looked like something a grandma would wear. He was fit, but his muscles looked cosmetic. Probably spent a fortune at a fancy gym to work out every day. But I could take him.

“Hey,” Preppy said, talking past me, like I was just a piece of furniture. “Have a few minutes?”

She swallowed, staring at him like a jackrabbit in the headlights, caught between a battle tank and a Model S Tesla.

I lifted a brow at Lauren. Waiting. I wasn’t about to leave her alone with Preppy if she didn’t want to talk to him.

“I was just going on break,” she said, softly.

She wasn’t looking at me anymore.

-LAUREN-

The world closed in on me and my breaths shortened. Ren was literally here.

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