“Are you afraid of me?” he asks. I look deep into his eyes and I feel something inside me soften.
“I could never be afraid of you,” I say honestly.
Lorenzo
“I didn’t want you to find out this way,” I say. She looks hurt and angry, which I can understand. After the conversation she just had with my sister, I wouldn’t be surprised if she walked out of my life forever, but I have to at least try to convince her to stay. We’ve come so far in such a short time. I’m not ready to let her go.
“You should’ve told me,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. “You made me feel like a fool. I should’ve known what was happening. Maybe I did on some level...but I didn’t want to believe it.” She closes her eyes, working up the courage to ask something. “Have you...have you ever been involved with drugs?”
“Absolutely not.”
“And...and have you ever killed someone?”
“No,” I say truthfully. “I’ve been asked to before and I’ve said no. That’s not my style, tesoro...I intimidate people, but I rarely hurt them. I’m not as callous as you think.”
She opens her eyes. “I don’t think that. I know that maybe I’m stupid for blindly trusting you, but I can’t help myself. Every instinct in me is telling me that I should trust you. That I should believe you no matter what.” She shakes her head to herself. “All my sense went out of the window when I got here.”
I gently put my hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you straight away...but I didn’t know how you’d react. I wanted you to have time to decide how you feel about me, the real me. The mafia is part of who I am but the rest of me...that belongs to me alone. I was going to tell you.”
“It’s okay. I believe you,” Lydia says, nodding to herself. She looks up at me. “This is craziness, Lorenzo. I should walk away right now. I should get out of here as fast as I can. But I can’t. The things I feel for you. I can’t ignore them. I feel like I’m sinking in quicksand and that my only choice is to stay here with you.”
“I don’t want to let you go...but I will if it means you’re safe,” I growl. I know that Bianca is right. I shouldn’t be keeping her here. Maybe the only thing to do if I really care for her is to send her away. I squeeze her shoulders. “I could set you up somewhere else, somewhere no one will find you. I can get you a house on the coast. I’d come and see you when I could.”
“No,” she whispers. Her eyes are full of hurt at the suggestion. “Are you trying to send me away? For real?”
“I don’t want to, Lydia, but I want you to be safe.”
“And I will be, here, with you. I know you’ll always protect me,” she whispers. And she’s right. I’d die for her. I’d never let anything happen to her. But I still worry about what this could mean for her. If Bianca is right, the Moretti family might use my feelings for her against me. I have to keep my distance. I have to force myself to stop pursuing her just to keep her alive. I step away from her.
“I shouldn’t be here if you’re going to stay, the least I can do is stay away from you. I’m only going to cause you trouble.”
“I don’t care!” Lydia says, but there’s a tremble in her voice. I can tell that speaking to Bianca shook her up. She’s scared. She’s intimidated by the life I live, as she should be. I shake my head at her.
“You should care. And for your own sake...I’m drawing a line under this, Lydia. Until I find some way to be with you while keeping you one hundred percent safe, we have to be apart.” I grip her chin in my hand. “Just remember. Even if we’re apart you’re mine. I’ll come back to you when I know it’s safe. I’m not going to change my mind about you, Lydia. But for now, stay away from me.”
Tears fill her eyes. “Lorenzo…”
Hearing her say my name wrenches my heart. I want nothing more than to pick up where we left off. My cock throbs for her tirelessly. I want to make her feel special. I want her to know that I’m not selling her empty words. But if I give in to these impulses now, I’ll never be able to stop. I move toward the door, even as she grips my arm to stop me from going. She’s crying now, begging me not to go.
“Lorenzo...please...stay. We can make this work. I swear we can make this okay.”
She doesn't understand. She doesn’t understand the kind of danger she might face. This is the compromise...if she’s staying here, then we can’t be together. At least we can see each other every day. At least we know what we feel for one another is real.
Even if we never get to act on it.
CHAPTER SIX
Lydia
My throat is raw from crying all night long. As I force myself out of bed at seven am, I know I’m in for a long and difficult day. Lorenzo said that I wouldn’t see much of him around the house, but his scent still lingers on my skin, the memory of his touch still fresh in my mind. I don’t have to see him to be reminded of what I almost had last night. I don’t need him to be in front of me to know that I’ve lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I should’ve just told him that I don’t care about his job the second he came out of the closet. I should’ve made it clear that it doesn’t matter to me
