I carry out my chores in a daze. How am I supposed to act normally after the way he touched me last night? How am I meant to pretend that I’m not head over heels for him, my boss, my sexy mafia man? How am I meant to keep my distance when we’re never too far apart.
I sniff as I’m dusting the dining room, hoping that anyone who overhears me will think it’s just the dust making me sniffly. I wish I had some solution to all of this. Was I an idiot to stay? He tried to send me away, after all. Maybe that’s what he actually wants. Maybe I’m too much trouble for him.
No. He wants to keep me around to protect me. He cares about me. He just wants what he can’t have...same as me.
I wander around the house like a ghost. For such a huge place, it needs very little maintenance. They keep it pristine, as though they’re keeping it clean of all the secrets they carry around with them. How do they do it? Bianca and Lorenzo, they live their lives on the edge. I never once thought about living that way. I’ve always had such a safe plan. I went to college to study Spanish and Italian, and now I’m saving up for my travels before I settle down and get a job, a house, a family.
But suddenly those dreams don’t feel like enough. What’s the point if Lorenzo isn’t a part of them? I could leave here, see the world, find a cute guy, and settle down with him...but it wouldn’t fulfill me. Now that I’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be with Lorenzo, I’ll never be the same again. I can never go back to some mundane way of life that doesn’t have him in it. I can’t pretend to be interested in a normal life now when he can offer me adventure, excitement, maybe even a little danger.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never been this way before. I’ve never put a toe out of line or craved anything remotely dangerous. But I guess it’s part of his package deal. And if this is the life he chooses to lead...then I want to be a part of it too.
I wish someone would knock some sense into me. I wish I could trust myself to make good decisions. But when it comes to Lorenzo, bad turns to good, wrong turns to right, and my fear turns to lust.
What the heck has he done to me?
Lorenzo
I feel like a stranger in my own home. No one is speaking to me. I’ve only seen Lydia once today and she kept her eyes down like I asked her too. Each time I see Bianca in the house, she fixes her face into a sneer and looks through me like I’m not even there. I sit in my office now, drumming my fingers on the table and wondering how it came to this.
I’ve never been a man of impulse. I’ve always calculated every move I make perfectly. That’s what made me a perfect mafia man. Every task Marco has ever set me has been executed with precision, a requirement in this line of work. One mistake can get you killed. One slip from the path and your own family might even throw you to the wolves. That’s why I can’t afford the mistake of falling for Lydia.
Except it doesn’t feel like a mistake. Falling for her makes me feel like the way I’ve lived my life up until now is the mistake, not her. She shows me ways in which I can move forward in my life. She shows me a woman I want to love night and day. A woman I can finally spill my seed inside. I can get her pregnant and she’ll make us a family from the second I come deep inside her and then for the rest of time. This is what I want. I never realized before how much I crave a family life, but she’s shown me so much about myself that I’ve been denying. I thought I was fulfilled, but I was walking through life in a daze without her.
And now I can’t have her. I know it was my choice to turn her away, but I had no choice. I want her to be safe. With the feud with the Moretti family no doubt about to get nasty, I can’t afford to take my attention away from getting back at them. It could take years to take them down. They’re a big and powerful family. You shoot one of them and you end up with another ten enemies to deal with. It won’t be simple to solve this.
Bianca was right. Every time I get closer to Lydia, I put her in harm’s way. But that doesn’t mean I’m not furious with her for interfering. It doesn’t mean I’m not desperate to run back to Lydia and take her the way I’m so determined to. Even though it’s for the best, I still feel fury like no other toward my sister.
It’s nearly time for dinner, and I’ll have to face her at the table. Family dinners have been a tradition since our parents were alive, and they were very strict about us keeping to them even after they were gone. I’d never disrespect them by not turning up, even if it’s going to be tense. I pour myself a glass of whiskey to calm my nerves, but it runs like fire through my veins and turns my fury into an inferno. Now it’s going to be even harder to bite my tongue. Ever since I met Lydia, my feelings seem amplified. Maybe it’s because I have something to fight for
