I swallow. "I was feeling okay about it until we just had a huge fight. I told him to go, that I didn’t want to be with him.”
"What happened?" she asks, resting a hand on my shoulder.
I stop mixing the pancake batter, setting down the whisk. “I blurted out that I was pregnant. I mentioned how my brothers are looking for an investor in a whiskey distillery venture and he offered, thinking that would fix everything.” I shake my head, wiping tears from my eyes. “But it doesn't. My brothers will never forgive Maker for his past. And I’m too scared to be in love. Too scared of losing everything.”
Bellamy bites her bottom lip. "Look," she says. "I know we've only been friends for a little while, but listen… I'm not trying to butt into your business, but sweetheart, I know you love your brothers, but your life is bigger than them now. You have a new family."
“I know what you're trying to say, but ever since my parents died, my brothers and I have stuck together. They've looked out for me. They'd do anything for me.”
"If that's true," Jemma says, "then don't you think they'd want you to be with the father of your child?"
I swallow. “I don't know. I feel like I've put so much into being this perfect sister for them, trying to do my part to keep the family together, and now I feel like this one thing is going to tear us apart.”
"Maybe it's going to bring you together in ways you didn't expect," Wavy says. "Babies can bring healing too, you know. Not just heartache."
"I don't know anything about babies," I tell her. "I was the youngest in my family and I don't have any cousins. My brothers aren't married. I just, I feel so in over my head."
"Did you tell Maker that?" Jemma asks.
"How could I?" I say. "He already… he thinks I'm the sun and the stars. He doesn't see my flaws. He doesn't know my fears."
"Have you let him in?" Bellamy asks. "I mean, have you really given him your heart?"
I think about last night, how he pressed me to tell him about my dreams. When I did, I felt more free than I'd ever felt before. Maybe I need to do a lot more of that, a lot more giving him my heart.
"I've started, but it's not easy for me." I say.
Bellamy gives me the saddest smile I've ever seen. "Oh, sweetheart. It's not easy for anyone to love. It's all a massive risk. To give your heart to someone means they could break it, but God, Marley, they could also hold it like it's the most precious thing in the world. If you think you might love Maker, don't you think you should give him the chance to try to be the man you need?”
"When you say it like that," I say, "I think that I'm nothing but a fool. I should go talk to him. I should tell him I love him. I haven't yet.”
"Do you?” Wavy asks. "Do you love him?"
I blink back my tears. "Yes,” I say. “I do. I love him, but I'm so scared of losing him, that I won't be enough for him. He's this big mountain of a man. He's seen a world so much bigger than I've ever imagined. I'm scared I won't be enough for Maker."
“Marley,” Jemma says, "I know it probably drives you crazy when people tell you that you're too innocent, but right now, I got to tell you, you are being naive because when it comes to love, you can jump right in, head first, and if it's love that will last, you'll come up for air, feeling like a new person."
"You believe all that?" I ask her.
She smiles. "Yeah, I believe it. I found love with a man who I thought was way too good for me. I always saw myself as damaged goods because I'd been with a lot of men for money, because…” Now it's her turn to blink back tears. "Because I've done things I'm not proud of. But guess what? Jameson is a sweetheart. He's like this breath of fresh air that I needed. And when I dove headfirst into falling for him, falling in love, and I came up for air that first time, it's like I surfaced as a new woman. Jameson was what I needed. And maybe you're what Maker needs, the sunshine to his stormy clouds."
I pull her into a hug. "Oh Jemma, thank you for saying that. I needed to hear it. I think I got so focused on what I wasn't that I didn't think about what I might be."
I look at the pancake batter, unfinished. "Sorry," I say. "I know I promised you breakfast, but…”
Bellamy laughs. "Honey, go after him. Go talk to him now. He's probably down in his boat trying to cool off. Tell him how you feel. It always makes everything better, I promise."
I take their advice and I head down the hill to the dock.
When I get there, though, Maker's boat is gone. I run over to the guys. "Where'd he go?" I ask. "Where did Maker go?"
Jameson runs a hand over his beard. "He didn’t say, he’s just gone.”
"But…" I shake my head, confused. And hurt. Tears in my eyes. He left without even saying goodbye. I’m the one who told him I wanted him to let me go… and he did. "All right then. Can you call me a charter? I need to get home.”
The guys help me out and I get my overnight bag from the yurt, waiting for the boat to come. The women all join us, and I know their eyes are filled with pity.
Maybe Maker isn’t the man I believed he could be. A man who stays.
Marley
I'm on the charter boat, thinking that in a few hours I'll
