Shebreathed him in, absorbing the familiar comfort of his arms while her thoughtsswirled in a chaotic twister.
“I missyou, Paige.” He tightened his hold and began crying softly in the crook of herneck.
Herheart splintered; she let her own tears come.
Hepulled back and swiped at his cheeks, then stroked hers. “Is there anychance—would you consider putting the divorce on hold? Just long enough to givecounseling another shot?”
A voicein her head screamed, No! but a quieter one overrode it. What if thiscould work? What if I still love him? Am I ready to walk away? Just like mymother?
“Idon’t know,” she replied. And she didn’t.
“Thinkabout it.”
Herheart heavy, she nodded against his chest. He kissed her temple and held her tohim, engulfing her in warmth. Then he began kissing her neck, her jaw, workingall the sensitive spots he knew so well as he made his way to her ear. Shestarted to pull away.
“Paige,”he breathed, “I need you. I want you so much.”
Herheart squeezed. His lips moved from her ear to her cheek, landing on her mouth.As he kissed her, her mind reeled. This is wrong. But we’re married, so itcan’t be wrong. He needs me. I don’t want this. This is wrong. Her reelingthoughts about bulged her brain, like a bag of cats fighting to get out.Snarling, scratching, hissing.
Shepushed his chest. “Adrian, I—”
Softly,gently, he drew her back. “Paige,” he murmured against her temple. “I loveyou.”
He’smy husband.
Herepeated the intoxicating words and kissed her again, deepening it, and thedebate raging in her head dulled. Then he pulled her into the bedroom, and bythe time he’d removed their clothes, the racket in her head had quieted to awhimper.
.~ * * * ~.
Paige lay on her back staring at light dancing on the darkceiling. What have I done? A tear trickled from the corner of her eyeinto her ear. Beside her, Adrian breathed rhythmically, his hand holding hers,their fingers entwined. Once upon a time, she would have floated away on acloud of contentment. But this fairy tale was shattered, and no amount ofpretending could put the pieces back in place. Nothing was as it used to be.
Whydidn’t I just leave before it came to this? Tears spilled. Because I had to know, once and for all,if there was any going back.
AndGod, she’d found out. Why had it taken sleeping with Adrian to realize it? Notonly was there no going back, but she felt filthy, as if she’d had sex in thebathroom stall of a grubby restaurant with a stranger she’d just picked up,while the man she really cared for awaited her, unaware of her sordid,dirty tryst. As if she’d betrayed a truly good man. As if she’d betrayedBeckett. She was sickened by what she’d done.
Withher free hand, she clenched the covers tightly under her chin, but not becauseshe was cold. Shadows began pressing in around her. The bed seemed to shrink,and she couldn’t put space between her body and Adrian’s. She couldn’t breathe.More tears came. She had to get away. Carefully, she slid her hand from his andslipped out of bed, snatching her clothes from the floor. A wave of nausearolled over her.
Shedressed hastily and was scrawling a note when he appeared in the doorway. He’dthrown on a robe. “What are you doing?”
Shejerked. “I, ah, was just leaving you a message. I have an early start and needto get home.” The words tumbled out of her like water pouring over a dam.
Yawning,he reached for her, but she inched away. He gave her a bemused look andfollowed her to her truck. Her movements were awkward, jolting, as though she’doverdosed on caffeine. Before she could jump in, he gave her a quick kiss.
“I’llcall you before I go,” he said.
Shecroaked an “okay” and shut the door.
Heleaned down to her window. “So I’ll tell the attorneys to hold off?”
Tearscame rushing up her throat, stinging her eyes. “I don’t think so, Adrian,” shebreathed. “It’s not … I don’t feel the same anymore.” And I just found thatout.
Helurched upright, hurt scoring his features. “I’ll cut my trip short, Paige.Wait until I’m back. Please.”
Sheshook her head. “It’s too late. I’m so sorry.”
Shetore out of his driveway as though a wild dog snapped at her tail. Her bodynumb, thoughts bombarded her brain. Oh God! Didn’t I already know it was toolate? How could I have done it? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Apanicked flurry squeezed her chest. What if Beck finds out? She took acalming breath, then two more, reminding herself she wasn’t withBeckett. And if she wasn’t with him, she couldn’t have been unfaithful to him. Right?Her logic did nothing to lessen her guilt. Just don’t tell him.
Peelingoff her clothes, she flew through her house and cranked on the hot water in theshower. A scalding stream ran over her skin. She took a bar of soap andscrubbed. And scrubbed. And scrubbed some more. She opened her mouth, lettingwater pour in, rinsing, spitting it back out. By the time the water turnedcold, her head rested against the tile wall and sobs shook her body.
Herlimbs leaden, she dragged herself to bed. Ignoring a missed call lighting herscreen, she turned off her phone and sank under her covers, fresh tearsstinging her eyes. How she had any left, she had no idea.
.~ * * * ~.
Beckett sat in a sedan, staring at the flat grays and brownsof DIA’s high prairie landscape.
“Visitingor returning home?” the Uber driver asked.
“Returninghome,” Beckett replied absently. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialedAndie’s number, but it went straight to voicemail. Again. For days, she’d beenacting strange—ever since canceling out on the hockey game. A call to her thatnight had gotten no response, and he’d barely spoken to her since. Texting wasno better. He tapped his finger against his chin.
Heunderstood. The divorce was nearly final; she was probably keeping busy toavoid thinking about it. But he was here, ready to help her through the days,the nights. Take her someplace special or hold her on the couch while shecried, if that’s what she wanted. Or eat a tub of
