“As for Jack, I have no doubt he was a good man. I wish I could’ve known him. And your loyalty is unshakable—it’s one of the things I love about you. But it’s time you give yourself permission to join the land of the living instead of hanging out in virtual graveyards where you don’t belong. From what I know about Jack, he’d want a different life for you. I’ve been trying to put myself in his shoes, and I’d want someone taking care of those I love if I couldn’t take care of them myself. And I would never have asked you to forget him, Lily, but I could never play second fiddle.”
He rubbed his forehead. Her sniffles told him she was still on the other end. Suddenly exhausted, a long, low exhale escaped his lungs. “That, Lily, is what I had to say to you.”
“Okay. You got it off your chest,” she said it so quietly he barely heard her. “Good-bye.”
“Yeah.” He refrained from wishing her a wonderful life.
After disconnecting, he hung his head, elbows on his knees, his heart crumbling.
His mother cleared her throat.
He jerked his head up. “How long have been standing there?”
“Long enough.” She wiped her cheek. “You really think I try to run you and your sister’s lives?”
Ah, shit. This just gets better and better.
He stood, walked over to her, and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Mom, you worked your ass off, and you raised two good people. You should be proud.”
She chuckled through her tears. “Which means ‘yes, Mom, you try to run our lives.’ But Gage, I can’t sit quietly by while someone like that woman … It’s clear she’s all wrong for you.”
In that moment, it dawned on him that nothing was clear. Straightforward was a direction on a map, and black and white were colors. For all his talk about protecting Lily, he hadn’t defended her against his mom, no matter how much he’d convinced himself he’d done the right thing. When had he gotten so confused about what the right thing was?
He squared his shoulders and dug deep, clearing his mind. “What’s wrong is how you treated Lily, whether she meant anything to me or not. You’ve always drummed common courtesy into Sarah and me. You never would’ve tolerated the kind of behavior you showed Lily, nor should you have.” He tilted his head and peered at her. Her tears were spilling freely now. “Mom, I’m a grown man who can think for himself. I like being there for others, and I learned that from you. So trust me to make my own decisions. I’m living proof your sacrifice paid off. But I’m not four years old anymore, and I’ll live my life my way. That means I pick my own friends. And if the day comes, my own wife.”
“But I don’t want to lose you,” she whimpered.
“You’re not going to lose me, Mom. I’ll still take care of you and Grandma. That won’t change. I’ll try to never disappoint either of you, but you’re gonna have to let go and accept my choices, whether you agree with them or not.”
She looked up at him and nodded. “I’m sorry.”
He pulled her into a hug. “Yeah, I know.”
His mind leapt back to Lily, and he suddenly felt sorry too.
Half the team was at the restaurant when they arrived. Noticeably absent was Grims, and while Gage was puzzled, he was also relieved. Not seeing Grims might help him put aside, at least for a little while, the fact he had chosen the coward’s way out.
He grabbed three seats by Quinn and sat between Sarah and Jessica.
Jesus, he didn’t want to be here.
Sarah and Quinn immediately struck up a conversation, and he sent Quinn a few warning daggers. Not on my watch, fucker. Quinn’s eyes widened before he gave him a subtle nod.
On Gage’s other side, Hunter’s new girl had Jessica’s attention. Gage took the time to study Jess’s profile. She really was a knockout. Why couldn’t he just lose himself with her? It should have been easy enough. If he let her, she’d wrap her whole life around him, place him at the center of her universe. And stick to him like aphids on a rosebush.
A tap to his shoulder surprised him. Even more surprising was realizing who’d delivered the tap.
“Nelson? I’d like to talk to you in private,” Coach LeBrun said.
“Sure, Coach.” Gage stood and followed him, his mind racing through what Coach wanted.
He found out in a small, empty dining room tucked out of the way when Coach turned on him, hands fisted on his hips. “You knew.” His voice was low and tight, his brow knotted.
“Knew—”
“You knew about Grimson doping, but you said nothing. Did it occur to you what would happen if he’d been picked for testing?”
Oh shit. Gage blew out a long breath. “Yeah. It did. Just like it occurred to me what would happen if I told management. I had no way to prove it. All I had was rumor and speculation. It didn’t seem like enough to warrant throwing the entire club into chaos. Right or wrong, I made a judgment call. I figured my teammates needed their captain more than they needed me mouthing off with my suspicions.”
“Well, the team’s not going to have its captain.”
Gage’s eyebrows shot to his hairline.
“Dave Grimson has been placed on the IR, and Bobby no longer works for this organization.” Coach’s voice was part-anger, part-disappointment, and all distaste. “Grimson will sit out the playoffs. I’m assigning a third A to Hunter McMurphy. I know you and McMurphy don’t like each other, but that’s tough shit because you two, along with Shanstrom, will
