I get it. If I didn’t have Aito, I would have fallen into a barrel of despair, or as we call it here, scotch.
But the responsible guy in me decided it was better to suffer sober. Okay I might be exaggerating a little, I don’t suffer per se like Art is. I also didn’t fall in love with a super spy or whatever this Leo-girl is who saved me after Patrick died.
I told mine that I would love her from afar and be there for her and that’s what I’m doing. It’s been fucking hard and it’s taking everything I have in me not to fly to Virginia and drag her here by her strands of blue hair, but I’m managing.
It was still easier to come back to New York than it was to set foot in Virginia.
But I don’t regret my trip. I reconnected with Mark, met Tessa, made amends with Elaine’s parents and finally said goodbye.
My life is in NYC.
My past is in Virginia and hopefully a part of my future too. At some point, even if it takes us twenty more years.
“Look,” Dan interjects, “we’ve all lost the woman we had under our skin at some point. Lars here can make fun of you but at least you’re not getting drugged by a condom…” I chuckle. Dan wasn’t ready to let Lars drive this conversation on his high horse.
“Huh!” Lars scoffs. “Incredible. I was weak and someone took advantage of me. You on the other hand, fucked a stewardess right after sending a break-up text…” I groan remembering Dan dumping Anna.
“And who told me to dump my red-head because clearly I couldn’t be in love when I was off my meds?”
Old couple bickering. Rock stars who have been together for over twenty-five years and who are missing one because the guy is ignoring them, can fight dirty. Because I don’t want either their girlfriend and wife on my back for having let them get into a stupid fight when they are on a promo tour for their next album, I change the subject quickly.
“You sure you don’t want anything more exciting than water? I can offer you a Coke or a ginger ale…” I ask Dan. He shakes his head and smiles. Since being with my sister, he hasn’t had a drop of alcohol and takes his meds religiously. I slide him a glass of water and add a slice of lemon and a little paper umbrella just for the fun of it.
“Where’s your staff?” Dan asks, finally realizing I’m alone behind the counter.
“Certainly getting it on somewhere. The expression when the cat’s away, the mice will play has been quite literal around here when I was in Virginia.”
“I could have told you that those two were sniffing each other’s ass and waiting for an occasion to get it on.”
“Yeah I just hope it will last. I don’t need drama around here, or having to be the peacekeeper. They’re both excellent at their job and…”
“Stop stressing out, Oliver. It’s out of your control already.” Dan says leaning over the bar and taking away the towel from my hand. I didn’t even realize I was polishing the counter until that instant. It’s a coping mechanism I have developed over the years. “You’re good?” Dan asks. I nod, I am. If discovering Peter and Joe were together was an inconvenience, it wasn’t a surprise. I had also seen the glances they threw at each other and the flirting they were hoping to hide.
“Didn’t Peter sleep with Crawford?” Lars interrupts.
“I think you mean, didn’t Crawford fuck Peter and kick him to the curb?” Dan replies. “Because isn’t it what Crawford does? I heard he did so with Leo’s brother, and I think he did so with Chad, too.”
“What? Chad our PA and Crawford? No… Not Dex’s style…”
Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the old people of Rock n’ Roll.
Bingo and gossip, instead of drugs and women. How the mighty have fallen.
I walk away to serve another client, letting them debate about Dex Crawford’s sex life, and glance at the door. I’ve been hoping to see a strand of blue-hair appear for a month now, but every night I go to bed with a little pinch of disappointment in my heart.
Again, I get it, I truly understand she couldn’t pick up her life and follow me after two weeks of barely dating. But maybe I was hoping she would. I was hoping she was so madly in love that she would jump in and adore me forever.
I was also hoping for a little more communication than a very polite and full of shit answer when I texted her that I missed her. What the fuck does a blowing kiss emoji mean when it’s all you’re getting?
My heart races and I feel the need to check on Aito. To be sure he’s alright and that he loves me unconditionally.
I breathe in deeply.
Of course, he loves me unconditionally. I’m his father and he’s a baby. I slow my thoughts down and go through the steps my therapist gave me when such need—or any obsessional urges— comes on.
Because that’s the new thing in my life, I’m in therapy. Something I promised Sue I would do once back in New York. She gave me the name of a colleague and Anna made sure I called the guy as soon as we were back. As if I could ever disappoint Sue.
My phone chimes and Tessa’s name appears on the screen. I’m not sure what I’m going to do if another freaking emoji fills the screen. I know it means she’s thinking about me, but it also means she has nothing else to say. Or she doesn’t know
