“How do you want me to go on without you after hearing such beautiful words?”
He shrugs while caressing my cheek.
“Again, you don’t. If you really don’t want me, if me out of your life is what makes you happy, then I’ll disappear. But if the tears you shed are because you’re heartbroken at the idea of me walking away, then know I’m not. I’m just allowing you to decide what you want. Your life is yours. I have mine in NY and because I’m not ready to leave everything behind and live here with you, it’s because I have a son I adore, friends I love and a bar I’m proud of. I understand you staying here for the same reasons I’m going back there.”
I snuffle in his hand before launching myself to his neck.
“I love you, Green-eyes. More than you can imagine.” I had to tell him. He has to know he’s much more than what he thinks.
“I love you too, Blue-hair. I really do.” He kisses my nose and tries to lean back but I don’t let him. My arms tighten around his neck and I force him closer to bring my lips to his.
“Tessa,” he whispers to stop me, but I don’t care. I don’t care much about anything right now. All I want is him. I want to feel connected to him, to feel loved by him.
When our lips touch, I devour him. I know it’s certainly the last time I’ll kiss him for a while, or maybe forever and I want to remember his taste, the swirl of his tongue, the feeling of his lips. I want to never forget how my heart and his make one with every kiss we shared.
He backs away before I’m ready to say goodbye and as usual he reads my mind before I can utter a word.
“I’m not saying adieu, Tessa. You know there is no goodbye between us. Just a see you later. In a few months, in a few years, in another life, we’ll always find our way to each other. I’ll always find my way back to you.”
Swoon bastard. My heart tumbles over and over.
“No bullshit?” I ask.
“No bullshit, Blue-hair. Never.”
“I feel like fate is laughing at us. We had to both lose the love of our lives to find each other but we can’t be together, not yet.” I’m pretty sure he disagrees but he nods, nonetheless.
“And I’m really sorry my family fucked up your beautiful face.” I need to mention it because I’m remorseful of all he went through because of me.
“Is that why you’re walking away? Nothing is going to happen to me or to Aito or to you. Crawford has hired the best security around the Devils and their entourage, AKA me, and Andre will protect you. Don’t let one uneventful moment in your life decide your next step. We aren’t broken dolls. We survived great loss and found great love—”
I raise my hands to stop him. I need a safe world to survive the strain he’s putting on my heart. I need to walk away now before I beg him to take me to New York and love me forever.
“I’m sorry,” I say opening the door and setting a foot outside. “I’m so sorry.” And without a word, I abandon him in a car that isn’t his and run to mine. Jumping in my seat, I don’t hesitate before driving away as fast as I can.
The roar of the engine calming me, the landscape scrolling under my eyes like an Instagram feed, the pedal under my foot reminding me I’m alive.
Until I arrive at the same road where I thought I would die.
Until I know I’ll never feel entirely alive not having Oliver in my life.
Until I hear the sirens of a police car chasing me.
With a pang in my heart and a scowl on his face, I face Jenkins again.
“It seems it’s déjà vu, Tessa…” He rolls his eyes as I give him my license and registration.
“Maybe it is,” I shrug. “Maybe life is just an eternal wheel?”
“So stop the fucking wheel, enjoy the moment and stop speeding on my damned roads!” he says taking my license and going to his car to run my registration.
“And missing the fact that I can annoy you for eternity?” I shout for him to hear. I glance in my side mirror and see him shaking his head, amused.
He comes back with a smirk on his lips and hands me back my license,
“Hakuna Matata, Tessa,” I hear him say.
“What?” I ask.
“I said, have a nice day,” he laughs.
Pocketing my license, I roll my eyes. “Have a nice day, Officer,” I say, starting my car.
“You too, Simba. You too.”
I might not know much about what the future holds for me, I might have to decide a lot of things I’m not ready for, I might not know where I belong. But one thing I’m sure of, I’m going to fucking kill Quinn Miller.
Chapter Thirty-Two
OLIVER
“And so, he didn’t get the girl,” Lars tells Dan for the umpteenth time. “He let her walk away from Mark’s car and stayed there, sitting, while she was literally running away from him.”
It’s his daily reminder I didn’t fight hard enough for the one I want to call mine.
Lars is a romantic with a short memory.
If I was an ass, I would remind him that once upon a time, his head was so far up his ass that I was the one married to the one he loves. But I’m not an ass.
Dan looks at me expectantly but I shake my head. We’re not playing that game. Those guys love to roast each other as much as they support one another, but I don’t want to start anything that could compromise the balance Naomi, Lars and I found.
“It’s not exactly what happened,” I answer, serving Lars the one beer he allows himself to drink per week. Rock star my ass.
