When Mark sent me a text to tell me Oliver was safe in the hospital, it relieved the worry I carried on my shoulder, but not the one I convey in my heart. There are so many obstacles in front of me that I’m not sure I have the strength to overcome them.
Quinn and I are on the road for me to get my car back from Jenkins, and I’ve been silent, going through the motions of what I should do one step at the time. I refused to talk to my mother, but I saw Andre and asked for an explanation. He gave me what he could. A pile of lies he had been fed over the years and a desire to protect his family. He said he always considered me as a daughter and wishes I will still be a part of his life. Thinking of what Dr. Saman said about what a parent will do for their child, I told him I’d try.
Thanks to who Andre knows, he won’t be persecuted and will undoubtedly become the Governor of Virginia. His implication was minimal, and even if he had proof of Dereck’s involvement in my father’s death, my mother always was on her guard too much to leave any evidence behind.
Andre asked me not to go to the media, Oliver decided to not reveal what he knew to protect me and my career, and everyone is letting Crawford deal with the narrative of my father’s death—which can be summed up in four words: Dereck is to blame.
My mother is not.
She’s playing the victim card, saying she was the one manipulated by Dereck and not the other way around.
As usual, Quinn doesn’t leave me to enjoy the silence I crave and interrogates me on my intentions after exchanging small talk on the weather and his child.
“Are you going to run away?” He asks in his daddy tone, echoing in the car.
“I don’t think so. I don’t know.” I shrug, looking out the window to avoid eye contact. The only place I would like to run away to is New York, but it will still be running away. “Maybe I need to stay put for a while and deal with my emotions before jumping into something new and take yet another risk.”
Quinn laughs. “Right… Sounds to me like someone is a chicken.”
I snap my head toward him, ready to hiss.
“Did you call me a chicken?”
“Sure did,” he smiles.
“Seriously? I try to do the right thing, to deal with what I feel, to work on the amount of crap that has been thrown at me, and you call me a chicken?”
He shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
“You’re so full of shit!”
“Excuse me?”
“Yep. Tessa VanHorn is Full. Of. Shit. You’re not trying to do the right thing, you‘re trying to hide under the pile of crap that is on your lap. You’re renouncing the only thing that has made your heart beat because you think he doesn’t want you. Newsflash, if you had taken the time to answer his calls, you would have known he’s worried about you, wants to be with you, and see where all this can go. The guy has been blowing my phone up every chance he gets. I resent Mark for having given him my number. I think if he wasn’t still in the hospital for observation, he would have come to your door. So the question is, are you going to jump or stay petrified on the side?”
Incredible. “You’re an asshole, Quinn. When I want to jump, you tell me not to, and when I want to stay safe, you’re pushing me off the plane, barely handing me a parachute.”
“I want you to stop avoiding, which is what you have been doing since King died. If I can’t blame you now for avoiding your family, you’ve been dodging your friends, escaping your feelings, and circumventing your responsibilities for a while now. So I’m not letting you watch him walk away just because you’re scared, Murdock. You used to laugh in the face of danger… Go on Simba, find your roar back, and enjoy the ride.”
“Simba played a big role in killing his father, your analogy is cruel!”
“But it’s on point. He played a role, yes. But he was manipulated, and it wasn’t his fault. Now would he have remembered who he was without a snap in the head and his beloved Nala? I don’t think so… Oliver is your Nala, and if I have to find a wooden stick for you to be less dumb, I will. I like to think of myself as your Rafiki.”
“Thinking pretty highly of yourself, I see… You’re my Pumba, Quinn. You smell, you’re a little dumb, but I know you’ll offer yourself as a meal to help me save the kingdom from hyenas.”
“Not nice,” he shoves my shoulder and pouts.
“But true,” I laugh.
While Quinn continues mumbling about my meanness toward him, my mind drifts to Oliver again. Not that he has left my thoughts much over the last few days. Wouldn’t it be crazy and impulsive to uproot my life for a guy I have dated a hot second? Shouldn’t I, at least, meet his son? Do I see myself as a stepmother? Am I ready to jeopardize everything I know and get out of my comfort zone for a man? Am I done taking risks to feel alive? But will I ever feel alive without him?
While my inner voices scream their misery, Quinn starts singing while tapping on the steering wheel. He’s so out of tune that it takes me a moment to recognize the song.
“Asante sana Squash banana, Wewe nugu mimi hapana.”
“Don’t tell me you’re singing the Rafiki song?” I shake my head in disbelief. “I can’t believe Ashton puts up with you…”
“Who do you think has me hung up on the Lion King? She’s been highly disappointed by the remake not sticking to the original cartoon, so we’ve been watching the 1994 Disney movie over and
