“But you can have a little faith in the woman Tessa is. She likes to take risks, and the risk of love is the best one there is.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
TESSA
There is nothing more unsettling than learning your life is a fiddle.
If losing King was the apogee of my sorrow, learning my mother killed my father, has me on the top of a fucked up mountain. All of a sudden, grieving my late fiancé isn’t my main priority anymore. And I hate my mother for that.
“What do you feel?” Dr. Saman asks. As soon as Leo dumped all this information on me, I called Quinn and asked him for a ride to the good doctor. But all the begging I did didn’t grant me access to her office. I stayed with Quinn and Ashton and they took care of me like royalty, filling my glass of vodka until I fell asleep.
Twenty four hours later, after learning that Dereck’s son was in fact my cousin and that he was no more, that Dereck was my uncle, that my mother was even more evil than was explained to me and that she had kidnapped Oliver, I’m finally facing Dr. Saman and trying to put myself all together.
“Betrayed,” I tell her as I go through the myriad of emotions in my heart.
“Understandable,” she answers. “But at least you feel something. The woman who came in through those doors the first time I met you would have reacted very differently.”
True. I would have done what I was taught to do facing grief or any other emotions, I would have fled, buried any feelings deep inside of me, smile, lie, pretend and try to play my life against the odds.
But things have changed.
I have changed.
“As a mother myself, I understand acting beyond reason for your child. We already spoke about the King’s mother reacting the way she did with you once her son had passed. Losing a child is a mother’s or any parent’s greatest fear, and it can push you to do things you never thought possible.”
There is a pinch of melancholy in her voice.
I pretend not to hear.
I glance at the picture of the woman one more time. She might have been my age or maybe’s Oliver. Maybe it’s her daughter?
“The thing is, I’m not sure my mother did this to protect me or rather to save her lifestyle, and the supposed love of her life. Even then, who really knows. All we have are the lies she told Andre. My father is dead. Dereck is dead. The cousin and aunt I didn’t even know I had are dead. No one can tell what my mother was thinking but her. And you can be certain she won’t go down without a fight.”
“What about your sister? You told me before they were close.”
“They are one and the same.”
“So maybe she could help you understand what your mother is or was thinking?”
“Maybe,” I tell Dr. Saman, but I doubt my sister will ever want to discuss it.
In her world, my mother doesn’t exist anymore. Mother Dearest is a disgrace that could put her position in the society at risk. She needs to distance herself from it all, and I won’t receive a call or be welcome in her mansion.
“What about your support system? Can you talk to them about your feelings?”
“I already talked to my friend Quinn. He’s waiting outside for me.”
“What about the man you are dating?”
My mind races to Oliver.
How could he want to have anything to do with me when I risked his life?
Because of me, Aito could have lost his father.
Because of me, he could have died.
“After what happened, I’m positive he won’t want to have anything to do with me. He has a son who almost lost his father because he looked into my past even when he knew the job he was hired to do went nowhere near it. I would never forgive him—someone I barely know—if our roles were reversed.”
Dr. Saman smiles and shakes her head as if she holds the secret of love.
“Tessa, this man opened up after losing someone. You opened up after losing someone. You two are more than acquaintances. Sometimes souls recognize each other without any effort. Sometimes souls fall not in love but in intimacy.”
I frown, trying to understand her words but fail.
“Let me explain. Loving someone is easy. The butterflies, the desire, the giddiness, it’s addictive. All you want is more of those feelings, so you’ll do anything to get another shot of it. But intimacy, letting the other one in, is the greatest gift. So tell me, do you trust that man? What I mean is, do you like him for who is and not for who you wish him to be?”
I nod. I won’t change him, I saw his soul bare before me and won’t accept anything else from him.
“Do you respect the man he is? Do you honor him?”
I nod again.
“Are you grateful for who he is? Do you allow him to be unique? And have you let down all the barriers you had around your heart and let him see you for who you are?”
I nod.
Without question, Oliver has taken me as a whole, and so did I.
“So there you have it. Trust, Honor, Gratitude, Allowance, and Vulnerability. You are more than acquaintances who had sex, Tessa. You have intimacy. Something greater than love. Something people who are in love sometimes never get. You can decide to walk away from him, to not let the course of this connection run through but don’t do it because you believe the voices telling you he hasn’t accepted you for who you are and sees the link you share.”
The next day, I pondered on Dr. Saman’s words and came to the conclusion that even if my connection with Oliver is strong, I can’t continue seeing him after what happened. I don’t believe he could really forgive me or get over the fact he could have died because of
