Wedged sandals raise her up so she can almost look me in the eye without tipping her head back. Her hair is still in a braid and her face still bare of makeup. She looks fucking gorgeous, but as much as I want to, I won’t touch her.
Taking her key card from her hand I open the door and hover in the corridor while she walks past me and into the small room. “Night Priss,” I say quietly, tensing my muscles to stop myself from reaching for her.
“Goodnight Carson,” she whispers, her hand curling around the door handle.
“I’ll leave you alone, okay? Think about what I said and then come find me,” I tell her, forcing myself to turn and walk away, even though it’s literally the last thing I want, knowing that she might never talk to me again.
I can’t do to her what her parents did, I can’t take advantage of her naturally compliant nature. If she comes to me, if she goes to Tally, it has to be her decision, her choice.
22
Carrigan
Four days. That’s how long I sit in my hotel room, trying to figure out what to do; who I am and who I want to be.
Four days without seeing or hearing from Carson.
Four days without feeling whole.
Four days is how long it takes me to stop moping and become irrationally angry. Angry at him for making me think, angry at myself for being so weak that I hadn’t figured this out for myself. But mainly I’m angry at my parents. I’m angry that they were as complicit in everything I did as I was, but that they get to run away and leave me to deal with the consequences alone. I’m angry that they didn’t take me with them and I’m angry that I want to go.
Four days is how long this anger and fury festers inside of me before I start to do something.
Snatching up the hotel telephone I dial down to reception.
“Haywood Hotel, how may I assist you?” the cheerful voice asks.
“Can I have the biggest ice cream sundae you do and a martini, extra dry please?” I ask, smiling manically as I order things that I would never have been allowed if my mom was here.
“Of course, I’ll have room service bring that up to your room, is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No thank you.”
“Okay, thank you ma’am.”
Placing the receiver down, I jump up from the bed, suddenly too agitated to sit still for a moment longer. Glancing down at the robe I’m wearing, I frown. How long was I really planning on hiding in this room, basking in my misery? Ripping the robe off, I throw it to the floor and head for the bathroom, letting the hot shower wash all of my pathetic mopiness down the drain. When I emerge, pink skinned, I pull on the outfit I wore home from Carson’s the other night, turning to assess myself in the mirror.
The blouse is my signature pink color, but my mom would hate this outfit, which only makes me love it more. Twisting to the side I take in my reflection, I look like me, only different. My eyes are bright but full of sadness and regret. I don’t want to be this person, this pathetic, weak creature that hides from life.
The time for feeling sorry for myself has passed, my sister forced herself out from the shadows and bloomed in the sunlight, and now she’s happy and in love and free, and I want that too. I broke that will, but I’m still shackled to it by regret, guilt, and loss. I need to move on. Carson was right, he told me I could choose who to be, only he couldn’t make this decision for me, I needed to find my way here on my own.
A knock at the door heralds the arrival of my food and I throw it open and invite the server in, adding a large tip to the bill before closing the door behind him and diving for my ice cream. The cold vanilla coats my mouth, making each taste bud burst to life as I groan around the spoon. Each mouthful tastes like rebellion and happiness and life. It’s the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted, and by the time I’m scaping the last bite from the bottom of the glass I know what I need to do.
It’s time to reclaim my life, forge a new future for myself and stop living in the past. My parents were wrong, I have value and worth beyond that inheritance. If Tally can find happiness, maybe I can find a way to atone for my sins and perhaps seek a little revenge on the way.
The car service pulls into the St Augustus drive and I pull in a reaffirming breath. Today, for the first time, I want to be here, but that doesn’t make walking the halls of the school any less nerve wracking.
Squeezing my fingers together into fists I try to stop the trembling in my hands. For years St Augustus has been my domain. When I walk down the halls people stop and stare, it used to be because I was on the verge of inheriting a fortune, but today I plan to make them stop and turn for a different reason.
Instead of trying to sneak in without anyone noticing, I’ve timed my entrance so everyone will see me. Today I won’t hide from their penetrating stares, it’s time to reclaim my identity and this is the first step. When the car pulls to a stop a few feet from the entrance steps I pull in a deep breath, lift my chin, and remind myself who I
