I’m going to be sick.
“I’m sorry, man. I know you two were close.”
I hold my hand up to ask him to stop. “It’s not your fault. You did all you could.”
“And so did you. I wish we could save them all,” he whispers.
I thank him, then leave and head to the clinic. I barely register the beeping elevator. Reaching my office. Sitting behind my desk.
Whether it’s day or night.
All I can focus on is the excruciating defeat on my chest and shoulders.
I’d normally bury myself in medical records and journals in order to get my mind off the cases that go south. Instead of getting started, though, I sit back and stare out the window.
After a moment, I slam my fist on the desk with anger.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I jump out of my seat. “Come in,” I rasp.
Rita comes in with a watery smile. “I just wanted to thank you for all you did for my Ed.”
I round my desk and stand in front of her. “I just wish I could’ve done more.”
She shakes her head, her eyes dark. “Ed lived a full life. Had a family who loved him. He made us all happy, even when he complained about the damn slots eating up all his change.” She exhales with a laugh, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
“I’m very sorry for your loss,” I manage. “Ed was a good man.”
She studies me like she’s searching for something, and I don’t know what it is. I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew why medicine sometimes failed us. Why some people receive miracles, but others don’t.
“He spoke highly of you,” she says. “He saw several doctors but never went back to any until you.”
Yet, he still died.
I grind my teeth. “I appreciate your kind words.” But they won’t take away the failure. The loss.
She squeezes my hands, and with tears in her eyes, she leaves. I’m left alone with only my devastating thoughts.
I peer outside, the sun fully up and shining. An otherwise beautiful day, but my whole body aches. It hurts for Rita and their family.
And as badly as I want to go home and sit back with a beer—a Bud Lite, Ed’s favorite—I have a job to do. I have a full day of patients who need me.
I can’t let them down.
It’s close to ten when I finally pack up to leave the clinic.
Brooks and Staci are in the parking lot when I reach my truck. They stop bickering when I approach.
Staci crosses her arms. “You’re late tonight.”
“Decided to get a jumpstart on tomorrow.” I give them a tight-lipped smile, my voice dry.
No matter how badly I try to leave Dr. Pearson inside the walls of the clinic, days like today make it damn near impossible.
“You okay? I heard about Ed. I know you two were close.” Staci offers me a hug, and I gladly take it, peering over her shoulder at Brooks’s sympathetic nod.
“Thanks, Staci.” I pull back, sharply inhaling, the cool breeze filling my lungs. After a moment of silence, I turn to Brooks. “I thought you left already?”
He shrugs. “I did, but I was called back in for a couple patients. Not like I was doing anything, anyway.”
“You need to take care of yourself better. And I mean, rest. Do you ever sleep?” Staci’s voice softens as she angles his face toward the light, obviously attempting to study his eyes.
He grips her wrist, holding her hand on his cheek. “I’m fine,” he whispers.
Staci shifts where she stands, dropping her hand, and clears her throat. “Since you guys are both here, I want to give you a heads-up about something.”
Brooks and I both look at each other in question.
She lets out a shaky breath. “I may be leaving Sunnyville soon. The hospital back home in Seattle needs another surgeon. An old mentor gave them my name, and they called me for an interview. I’m going up there in a couple of weeks.”
Brooks visibly stiffens next to her.
We stand quietly for a few seconds, but they feel like hours.
“I know it’s sudden. It’s not certain, either, but it would be a good change for me. I have family up there, unlike here.” She frowns.
“Staci, that’s great, if it’s what you want.” I reach out to her for a one-armed hug. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
“Thanks.” She gives me a sad smile, then peers at Brooks, whose jaw is clenched.
“Why would you move to Seattle? It’s busy. You already have long hours here. It’d be three times the load in a city. Besides, you have family right here.” He points between himself and me, and although he’s right, this isn’t about me.
They’ve been dancing around each other for months, ever since he moved in with her for a few weeks. Now that she’s thinking about leaving, Brooks is upset, from the looks of it.
I back away. I shouldn’t get in the middle of this, but I don’t stop myself from trying to ease their impending argument. “See you guys later, and as always, try not to kill each other.”
“Can’t make any promises,” Staci mutters.
Waving, I back out of my spot and head home. Once I’m safely parked, I check my phone. It’s been in my office on silent all day, and when I see my screen, I curse.
Several texts and missed calls from Clara.
“Shit,” I say again.
Even though she’s probably asleep, I still try to call her now. She doesn’t answer, as expected, so I send her a quick text to let her know I’ll call first thing in the morning, but there’s an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Thirty-Seven
Clara
I read Dax’s text when I open my eyes in the morning.
I waited for him for hours. He said he’d come to Jacob’s basketball game. That he wouldn’t miss it.
But he did, and he didn’t even
