“That’s wonderful, Javi. Keep up the good work,” Lisa praises me before moving to the next person, and a little part of me inside that’s still a boy looking for approval lights up like a firecracker.
After I leave my anger management class that I attend every other Wednesday, I head home, now mentally and physically exhausted. My job makes my body tired, but my mind aches after I leave those meetings. They serve as a constant reminder of the past, but also an encouragement to keep moving forward. And I’m desperately trying to do so.
When I arrive home, I decide to stop inside the main house to say hello to my sister and Andre. I’ve seen Andre in passing at the gym this week, but it’s been a few days since I’ve annoyed my sister.
“Knock, knock,” I yell as I pry the backdoor open on the porch. It’s the easiest method of access from my house to theirs.
“I’m right here, Javi. No need to yell.” My sister stands at the stove in the kitchen to my left, stirring something in a pot with her back to me.
I close the door behind me and then make my way over to the fridge to grab a beer. “Well, I just want to make sure I don’t walk in on something that could blind me.” I walk to the closest stool at the counter and perch my tired ass on it.
“Don’t worry. We lock the door if we decide to have sex out here.” She peers over her shoulder at me with a teasing grin before turning her attention back to whatever she’s cooking. And it smells amazing.
“Lovely.”
“So, how was your anger management class?” She takes a bite of the rice to test it and then places the spoon back on the counter.
Popping the cap from my beer, I sling back a large gulp and then answer. “It was fine.”
She makes her way over to the other side of the counter, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “How much longer do you have to go to those classes anyway?”
I huff. “It’s a six month long class, but I didn’t start them right away when I got out, so I still have about a month or so.”
Selena stares down at the counter before her apologetic eyes glance up at me. “Do you think they’ve helped you at all?”
I shrug and take another sip of my drink. “I’d like to think so. I didn’t consider myself an angry person until I realized what I could do in a moment of fury, you know? I blacked out a bit that night when I was hitting Jesus. Now I just know not to put myself in situations that could make me get like that again.”
She squeezes her eyes shut while swaying her head back and forth before coming around the counter and throwing her arms around me. I hear the sniffles that usually accompany her tears, but her head is buried in my shoulder, so I can’t see if she’s actually crying. “I’m sorry, Javi.”
“Stop apologizing, Selena. It’s over and done with, okay?”
“But …”
“No buts. I’m not going to pretend like it was a vacation, because it wasn’t. Prison fucking sucked. But I’m trying to twist the narrative …”
Her head pops up and sure enough, tears are running down her cheeks. She swipes them away quickly with her hand before urging me to continue. “What do you mean?”
Letting out a harsh breath, I remove my hat and run my hand through my sweat soaked hair. “I was in a bad place back then, sis. You know that. Prison made me realize I needed to get my head on straight. I’m doing better now than I ever thought I could. We both are. Look at you,” I say and gesture toward her with my hand. “You’re a successful business owner and you’re married. We both grew up because of the things that happened that night. They’ve left behind some scars, but I think we’re doing okay.”
She nods with a small smile on her lips.
“So stop fucking apologizing to me. I did what I did, and I’d do it again. Jesus is lucky I didn’t kill him.”
“I know. I think about that. If you’d have killed him, Javi, you’d still be in there.”
I swallow harshly and then look down at my hands. “I know. But luckily I didn’t.”
“And that fucking asshole had the nerve to press charges against you after what he did to me.” She grinds her teeth together while her tears still fall.
“I think he believes you didn’t remember what happened. And since you never pressed charges against him, he grew balls and came after me.”
“I just love you, Javi. I hope you know that.” She kisses my cheek and then turns away, heading back to the stove.
“I do, Selena.”
“How many times have I told you not to make your sister cry?” Andre’s deep voice comes around the corner as he steps into the kitchen and kisses my sister’s temple as he passes by her.
“I can’t help how emotional she gets,” I tease.
Selena glares at me as she reaches into the cupboard for three plates. “Watch it, or you don’t get any dinner.”
I chuckle and then stand, walking over to the table to set my beer down. “You won’t let me go hungry,” I mock.
“She won’t, but I will.” Andre winks at me from behind my sister as he grabs silverware and napkins and then hands them to me over the counter.
Once Selena loads our plates with chicken, rice, and veggies, we sit down to eat in comfortable silence until Andre decides to open his mouth.
“So, how is the self-defense class going?”
My knife slides across my glass plate, screeching and making us all wince at the sound. “Uh, good. Great.”
Selena and he share a
