“Lower your voice,” I warn. “But yes, I did. And it was …” I sigh, fighting the cheek burning smile from coming back.
“Laying tile, huh? Is that what you kids are calling it these days?” Ally laughs and then empties her mimosa.
“I helped him pick out tile for his kitchen on Monday when he picked me up in the rain.”
“I feel like I’m missing so many details.” And she is, so I fill her in on the Home Depot incident.
I bite my lip again, waiting for more of a reaction from her. “Well, is that all you have to say?”
She reaches for my hand across the table. “I’m proud of you, Sydney. I think this is exactly what you needed. I don’t know that I would have recommended Javier for the job, but I think he got it done.”
“I can’t even describe what it felt like, Ally. It was raw, but also comfortable. I didn’t feel self-conscious. I just felt … pleasured.”
“That’s how it should feel when you let loose with someone. Now you know it’s out there.”
“But I want more …”
“Well, duh. Sex is amazing, and sex like that is even more so. What did Javier say about the evening though?”
I stare off in the room, recalling how Javier acted once we were done. He cleaned himself up and then returned to me with a warm rag to do the same. We got dressed quietly before he walked me to the door and said he’d see me Tuesday at the self-defense class, kissing me goodbye on the cheek. It was at that moment that I realized we had sex but never kissed, which stirred up something I decided to shove back down.
We didn’t talk about what happened at all, which is the number one thing making me so nervous because I don’t want to just experience that kind of sex once. I need it again.
“Well, he told me that all he could offer me was sex before we went there. But we didn’t discuss where we go from here after.”
Ally purses her lips before leaning back in her chair. “Are you sure you’d be okay with that? I mean, I know you, Sydney. We’ve been best friends for half of our lives now. You’re not exactly a one-night stand kind of girl, nor a friends-with-benefits kind of girl either.”
I shrug as the level of discouragement rises within me. “I know. But this was exactly what I feel like I’ve been missing, Ally. And I got it with Javi, for crying out loud. I got the nerve to ask him for what I wanted. I commanded him to fuck me. I even got some kitchen counter action.”
Ally smacks the table, excitement radiating out of her. “Yes, girl!”
“Jesus Christ, Ally. Shut up!”
She laughs, holding her arms across her stomach before relaxing and returns to eating. “Well, I say go for it then. What do you have to lose? I know it’s been hard for you to let go and feel comfortable standing up for yourself. Maybe getting railed by Javier a few times will knock some sense into you and then you can tell your father off.”
I tilt my head at her, giving her an annoyed look. “You know it’s more complicated than that, Ally. He’s my dad. He means well, he just doesn’t like to listen.”
“I know. And I love him, Sydney. He’s practically a second father to me. But you need to make him listen. For a judge, he sure is close-minded. Aren’t judges supposed to be all about looking at all of the facts before making a decision?”
“Yes … what’s your point?”
“My point is,” she says, directing her fork across the table at me, “that he doesn’t seem to want to listen to the fact that you don’t like Andrew and want to do things that you feel are in your best interest. So use this newfound freedom of yours to explore that and maybe it will give you the courage to demand to be heard once and for all.”
I arch a brow at her, contemplating her words. “So you think that by screwing Javier a few more times, I’ll magically find some courage and get my father to listen to me.”
She shrugs. “Maybe.”
I can’t help but laugh as I shake my head at my friend. “Wow. The way your mind works sometimes …”
“It’s a gift. In the meantime, enjoy some wild sex, Sydney, because I’m telling you, once you’re married, it’s a lot less frequent with kids around.”
I leave brunch with my best friend feeling renewed in my decision. Asking Javier to fuck me was one of the most audacious things I’ve ever done. It felt emboldening. I lived in the moment for once and letting him have his way with me gave me a high that I don’t want to fade.
I know he said that all he could offer me is sex, so why not take advantage of that? I’m a grown woman. I’m capable of casual sex—at least that’s what I try to convince myself of over the next two days until Tuesday arrives and it’s time for my next self-defense class, which is also the first time I’ve seen Javier since our night of steamy sex.
When I walk into the gym, I look around for him but I don’t see him anywhere. Trying not to focus on the sudden wave of disappointment rolling through me, I head for the locker room and change my clothes before putting away my things. By the time I make it back out, the rest of the girls have arrived and Javier and Clay are standing in the front of the room with their arms crossed over their chests.
I lock eyes with Javier instantly as the heat of his gaze burns my skin, but I can’t get a read on what he’s thinking.
Is he excited to see me? Does he keep picturing us from the other night like I do at random times throughout the day? Is the
