Do I really care if Javi has done time? Or is my fear that he’ll end our arrangement because of me prying?
“Just say what you need to say, Sydney.” There’s an annoyance in his tone, which makes me muster up the courage to just put the words out there, consequences be damned. I have a right to know who I’m sleeping with. I have a right to be concerned that he may have a past or penchant for violence. My father could be right, which I think is the scariest notion of them all.
So I take the plunge, throw the words out in the open knowing I can never retract them, hoping that they won’t ruin everything we’ve shared so far.
“Have you been to prison, Javi?”
Chapter 22
Javier
“Have you been to prison, Javi?”
The moment the words leave her lips, my heart tries to break out of my ribcage. I had a feeling that’s what was coming, especially after she alluded to her dad’s concerns. I’m surprised it’s taken this long for her to sense that I’m hiding something, or even for her to hear from people around town something that would allude to the two years I was locked away.
It’s not public knowledge that we’ve been sleeping together, obviously—but gossip is a dangerous thing, especially with how many women from Sydney’s community frequent my sister’s salon, and after our impromptu lunch last week, I’m sure people saw us. We’re not strangers in this town, and people know I’m the older brother of the owner of Rejuvenation, so it was only a matter of time before breadcrumbs made a trail linking Sydney to information about myself.
“Where did you hear that?” I grate out the question, unsure of how angry I’m allowed to feel at this moment.
This is why I didn’t want to share personal information and have these types of conversations with her where we talked about our feelings and divulged our pasts because I knew it would lead to this moment. But I guess I only have myself to blame for that one anyway. I’m mentally kicking myself in the mouth right now for even crossing the line I was so hell bent on drawing when we started sleeping together anyway.
“Well, there were some women talking at the salon last week,” she replies, as her eyes veer to the side of the room for a moment. “And then the parole officer that came into the gym …”
I fucking knew it. I knew Sydney wasn’t stupid enough to let that detail go. I hoped and prayed that she wouldn’t put two and two together, but fuck—she’s a lawyer and smart as a whip. Of course she sensed that Gerald was there to talk to me.
I stand there, seething beneath the surface as I contemplate how to handle this. I wasn’t prepared for this conversation tonight. When I got her text, my dick instantly grew hard knowing I would get to claim her body again. It seemed that was all she was looking for too. Now I’m wondering how we ever got on this subject matter.
“Are you going to answer me?” She spats, lifting a brow and placing her hands on her hips now, clearly frustrated with my avoidance and silence.
There’s no use in hiding the truth now. Sydney has the means to verify my record anyway. The words written in black ink that plague my life can’t be erased.
“Guilty as charged, Princess.”
Sydney’s eyes grow wide with surprise, and a flash of fear—the exact reaction I wanted to avoid and never get from her. That look right there sliced through my heart, penetrating the barricade I’ve constructed around it. I shouldn’t care that she seems taken aback and nervous about that scrap of information, but since I’ve grown to actually give a shit about her, I feel like less of man now that she knows about the black cloud of my past.
“Um … when? Why?”
I shove off the counter, fury running through me now, a siren going off in my brain to abort this conversation and put a stop to the festering guilt building in my gut. “It’s none of your business, Sydney. Remember, we agreed this was just sex, so it shouldn’t matter, right?” I glare at her over my shoulder as I move into the living room.
I can hear her footsteps stagger behind me as she follows my movements. “Um, it does matter, Javi. I have a right to know who I’m sleeping with.”
“Didn’t seem that important to you when you were begging me to fuck you …”
“Well, that was then. Things are …” She trails off and as I twist to face her, I see the same confusion on her face that I’ve been feeling in my body for a few weeks now.
Things are different now, aren’t they, Sydney?
Because I sure as fuck feel it too.
But now the fog that’s been obstructing my vision is starting to burn off and I’m smacked in the face with reality once again. Sydney and I could never work. We come from two different worlds, two different lives with sets of expectations that could never match up. Her dad would never approve of me, so what’s the point in trying?
“Lines seem to have been blurred, Princess, so maybe we just stop this right now since my past has seemed to derail you this evening.”
“What?” she whispers, clutching her hand over her heart as if I shot an arrow to that point in her chest. I’m hurting her, which is the last thing I wanted to do, but ultimately, I think I knew it was inevitable.
If she only knew that it’s killing me to push her away right now too.
I
