When Ali looks at me again, his eyes hold a sadness in them. Maybe pity. I hate that. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. That wasn’t the point of my rant. I just want him to try to understand. I want him to know I won’t lie to him anymore.
“Aren’t you tired?” he asks.
I don’t have to ask what he’s talking about. I know he’s asking if I’m tired of pretending. “You have no idea.”
His lips turn down in the corners. “You stopped calling me.”
“You stopped answering.”
“Well, I was mad at you.”
“Was?” I ask, a little hopeful.
Ali sighs and pins me with a look. “You didn’t tell me you were leaving town. You led me to believe we had a future together. You told me you loved me and you left two days later.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Ali.”
I go to reach for him, but the back door opens. “Lunch is ready.”
Ali quickly stands up and makes his way inside.
13
Alejandro
5 ½ Years Ago
“Come on, it’s my twenty-first birthday. I’m legal,” Merrick says with a pout.
“Oh, please. Like you haven’t been drinking since you were fifteen.”
“Yeah, but now it’s legal. We’re going to King’s Tavern. I want you there,” he says, grabbing my hand.
I grin. “You’re so needy.”
He chuckles and steps forward, pulling me into him. “Only for you.”
“I just hate that we’ll be drinking, and you know how I get when I’m drinking.”
Merrick bites his lip. “Mm. And I love it.”
“Yeah, but I won’t be able to do anything about it. I won’t be able to touch you or kiss you, or whisper all the filthy things I want to do to you.”
He drops his hands and cups my ass through my jeans. “Tell me now.”
I bite his bottom lip gently and then suck it into my mouth. “We don’t have time. Cillian will be here any minute.”
“But now I’m horny,” he whines.
“You’re always horny,” I say with a laugh, pulling away from him.
“Again, only for you.” He winks and my heart flutters.
“Of course, I’ll come,” I say, heading toward my bedroom. “Let me change.”
A week after Merrick’s twenty-first birthday, he starts acting strange. I catch him watching me with a forlorn look on his face. Every time I question him, he says it’s nothing, but I know him. I know it’s not nothing.
He keeps having to go somewhere with his bandmates, and he doesn’t really tell me what they’re doing. They had a few more shows, but they were never gone more than a couple days. It’s weird, but he hasn’t mentioned much about the future of the band. They’ve spent so much time touring, selling their music, giving demos to anyone who’ll take them, and even creating their own music videos to upload to YouTube. They’re doing everything people do when they’re seeking a record deal, but these past few months, Merrick hasn’t said much.
“Hey, Ali?”
I step out of my kitchen and see him sitting on the couch. He’s spent a lot of time at my apartment, because it’s the only place we can be together the way we want to be. I’ve loved every second of it, and many daydreams have consisted of me wondering how it would be if we actually lived together.
“What’s up?”
“Wanna go on a date?”
My eyebrows shoot up. “A date?”
He grins. “Well, nobody will really know it’s a date except us, but I wanna take you out.”
A smile stretches across my face. “Yeah, of course.”
We end up going to Lucio’s for dinner—a fairly fancy Italian restaurant. We splurge, getting way more food than we need, and Merrick insists on a bottle of wine, making it feel more date-like, even though we make sure we don’t touch like a couple would.
After dinner, we head to the movie theater on Main Street and choose an older movie rather than a new release. Once the movie starts rolling, it’s only us and a handful of other people, and because we’re seated in the back, we’re able to get a little handsy. Not in a gross way, but I can touch his thigh, and we can hold hands, and he even nuzzles my neck a few times. I’ve never been happier.
When the movie lets out, we end up back at my apartment, and before I can even fully shut the door behind us, Merrick is on me.
“Fuck, it’s hard to keep my hands off of you,” he growls, yanking my clothes off as we stumble toward my bedroom.
By the time we get to my bed, my shirt is off and my jeans are undone, so as I’m kicking my shoes off and removing my pants, Merrick strips out of his clothes like they’re on fire.
“Come here,” he commands, resting his hand on the back of my head and drawing me into him.
His mouth lands on mine before his tongue runs across my bottom lip. “I love your mouth, Ali,” he says, his voice thick with lust. “I could write songs about these lips,” he continues, kissing me softly.
I moan and melt into his arms as our kiss intensifies, then he pushes me back until I fall onto the mattress.
Merrick goes into my drawer and grabs the lube and a condom, before getting on his knees between my legs.
“I’m about to bury myself so deep inside you, but first, I want your cock in my mouth.”
He bends over me and skillfully wraps his pink lips around my cock, taking me slowly and deeply into his throat.
“Goddamn, Merrick,” I groan, my hand going to his head.
He moans around my cock, bobbing his head up and down, coating me with his saliva. When he pulls off, he strokes me and never takes his eyes off mine.
When he starts massaging my balls, I throw my head back and squeeze my eyes closed. “Fuck.”
“Soon, baby,” he
