“Tell Merrick hi for me.”
“I’m really going to see my family.”
He prances to the door. “Okay. Tell him we should hang out again.”
“Stop crushing on my. . .”
Jordy raises his brows, waiting for me to finish.
“Friend.”
“Right,” he says with a chuckle. “Talk to you later.”
37
Merrick
Present Day
“What the fuck are we still doing in this town?” Jay gripes. “I thought we were going to sex island?”
Sky laughs. “Tomorrow. Merrick wants to talk to us,” he says, coming over to sit on the couch.
I stand near the bar in my hotel suite, pouring a stiff drink while the other three guys sit around the glass coffee table and wait for me. Sky and Jay sit on both ends of the plush, ivory-colored couch while Carlos lies across the matching loveseat.
After downing half the glass, I pour a little more and add some tonic water to the vodka, then head over, dropping into the single armchair. My right leg bounces as I hold my drink in my left hand, and my heart convulses in my chest as I think about every response they could have.
I remember what Elijah told me. These guys are my friends and have been for years. We’ve grown up together. I shouldn’t have anything to worry about.
“So, I wanted us all together so I could tell you something I should’ve told you a long time ago. It’s really been eating away at me lately, and it’s time to get it out.” I take a sip and try to calm my nerves and find three sets of curious eyes staring back at me. I make sure to connect with each one of them before I continue. “I’m. . .gay.”
I leave it there and let them soak it in. I find it hard to meet their gaze now, but I force myself to keep my head up and watch their reactions.
Jay’s mouth drops open as his blue eyes blink at me. Carlos watches me like he’s waiting for me to say I’m joking, then he cuts his eyes to the other two, wondering who’s going to talk first. When I look at Sky, he has his head cocked and his brows furrowed in confusion.
I take another drink before placing the glass on the table next to me. I drop my hands to my knees, rubbing them over the denim, waiting for someone to break the silence.
“Uhh,” Jay laughs nervously, glancing at Sky. “How is that possible?”
“I thought. . .” Sky starts, scratching his head, “I thought maybe you were bi.”
My brows shoot up at that comment, but before I can say anything, Carlos speaks up.
“Wait, what?” He stands up, running his hands through his wavy hair. “No, you’re not gay. I’m so confused right now.”
“Well, I am gay,” I say, looking at Carlos. “But you thought I was bi?” I aim the question at Sky.
He nods and chuckles. “I mean, I didn’t start thinking that until recently. I knew you didn’t always spend the night with some of the women we met. Some would come find their friends and complain.”
I snort. “Didn’t anticipate that happening.”
Sky shrugs. “I knew you had been with women before though. I’ve seen you with them.”
“Yeah,” Jay says. “That’s why I’m like. . .” He trails off, miming an explosion around his head.
With a sigh, I say, “I did what I thought I had to do. I didn’t want anybody wondering and asking questions about why I wasn’t doing what the rest of you were doing. I’ve been in hiding. I’ve been lying, because I’ve been afraid, but it’s really been weighing heavy on me lately.”
“Have you ever been with a guy, though?” Carlos asks, his brows still furrowed. “I mean, we haven’t seen anything. Why’d you think he was bi?” he asks Sky.
Sky’s eyes flicker to mine briefly, but he doesn’t say anything. “Uh, I’m not sure.”
I give him a look, but he just shakes his head. He doesn’t want to say anything in front of the other two.
“I haven’t been with a guy in a long time, but I have been with a guy. I knew I was gay in high school, and I was secretly with someone then.”
Jay shoots up from the couch. “What? Who? High school?”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Carlos questions.
I take a breath. “Are you guys mad?”
“Yeah, I’m mad,” Carlos replies. “Mad you’ve been lying to us this whole time. What the fuck, dude? We’re family. We’ve spent time away from our own families, having only each other. We’ve been through so much shit together, and yet, you didn’t think you could tell us something as big as this?”
Sky stands up. “Hold up, you can’t expect Merrick or anyone else to find it easy to talk about this. There’s still such a stigma around being gay, and come on, we’re famous. I mean, famous gay musicians still get shit for being themselves. Having fame and money doesn’t prevent you from getting hate comments. If anything, you get them a hundred times more.”
“Look, I hated lying to you guys. To everybody. I just told my brothers, so it’s not like you were the only ones who didn’t know. I had planned on coming out way before we made it big, but I was afraid. Then we were signed, and I started thinking it wouldn’t be a good time to come out. I didn’t want me being gay to overshadow or even ruin our chances just as we were starting out. Then things kept getting bigger and bigger, and you hear how some people still talk. Slinging around the word faggot like it’s not a slur. Making jokes about fairies and fruitcakes. We may be taking steps in the right direction, but the world still has a lot of ignorance.
“On top of all that, I was no longer only concerned about me. I have to worry that me coming out will ruin your careers too. It’s not just me. It’s
