Leo’s face was unreadable in the darkness, but he didn’t say anything so I thought it was safe to assume he was shocked.
“You… you what?” Leo asked.
“You heard me!” I said, digging the knife in. I couldn’t deny that it felt good; it felt really good to show him that I was capable of something. I wasn’t a nice Farm Boy from the midwest anymore; I’d shed that identity.
Scott was right — I’d become an L.A. Boy.
And I saw the truth of it reflected in Leo’s eyes, shining under the moonlight.
“When?” he whispered, and I could tell he was pawing through some memories in his brain. He’d been watching me; keeping tabs on me to find out if I was getting close to anyone.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “We’re not a thing. We’re not exclusive.”
He was looking at me like he hadn’t ever seen a creature like me before.
“…you’re right,” he finally said. “I just… thought I had more time.”
There was something within me that was pleading with me to appease him; to explain to him that what had happened between me, Crim, and Oliver was just sex. But I held my tongue; this was the truth and he needed to hear it.
“More time for what?” I asked.
He took a few steps towards me on the sand. “Jesus Charlie, are you that deep in denial? More time to get to know you. More time to explore this connection between us, hell, more time to find out if—”
“If what?” I asked breathlessly, a strange cocktail of feelings swirling within me.
“If you felt the same way about me,” he finished stoically.
“That’s bullshit,” I said with a scowl. “You had plenty of time. Every single time we were getting close, you pulled away. There was the time you sat next to me on the bench in the garden. There was the time when we were alone together in the bathroom of the restaurant, when you gave me that bandaid. Then there was the time you came into my trailer, and I made a move on you! Every single time, you went back into your shell!”
Leo looked down at the sand like he was a scolded dog. “I’m… I’m sorry. I want to tell you you’re wrong, but you aren’t. I’m a coward, okay? I liked you, and there was something there. I was too chicken shit to go for it. And now it’s too late. Of course someone else got to you first; of course you found someone.”
He put his hands on both sides of my face, staring at me so I couldn’t look away. “You’re beautiful, Charlie.”
I pulled away. “You’re just saying that.”
“It’s true.”
A prickling pins and needles sensation was sizzling through my fingertips. This couldn’t be real — one of the most beautiful men in the world, coming up to me and telling me that I was beautiful? This had to be some kind of trap; this couldn’t be genuine.
“You have something with Reese,” I said flatly. “You should tell that to him.”
Leo looked to the side. “Reese and I… it’s different. It’s very, very L.A., if you know what I mean.”
My eyebrows came together. “No, I don’t. Can you spell it out for me? Can you please just be straightforward with this one, simple thing?”
Leo was quiet, watching me carefully in the moonlight. It seemed almost like he was making some kind of decision, then he said, “Reese and I… we’ve got a thing, but it’s complicated. It’s…”
“It’s what?” I demanded, feeling the frustration.
“We’re… I don’t know the word for it. But we see other people.”
I shifted uncomfortably and crossed my arms. I didn’t know how to respond to that. “You mean you’re poly,” I said.
“Not even quite that,” he said with the air of a man trying to explain himself. “We don’t have the emotional connection there to be truly poly.”
“So you’re just sleeping together. Casual sex,” I guessed.
“No, it’s more than that…”
My heart somehow felt like it was breaking as my mind tried to stretch and bend to understand this thing Leo was trying to tell me.
“Are you… are you in love with him?” I asked.
He laughed. “No. I don’t think I ever could be, and I don’t think he could be with me. It’s just not the same — we don’t share that kind of connection.”
I ran my hand through my hair, struggling to grasp all of this. “So you’re sleeping together, but not in a casual way. You’re not in a relationship, either. And you don’t think you ever… could have real feelings for him?”
Leo sighed, and it was clear his patience was running thin. This must have been too much emotional discussion for him to want to deal with. Much more than he was used to dealing with.
“I thought you were different…” he said.
“I’m trying to understand!” I exclaimed. “I’m trying to figure out where I fit in with all of this! There’s just too much—”
“I want to be with you,” Leo said, pulling me into another big hug. “Is that so much to understand? I. Want. You.”
“But you also want Reese,” I maintained.
“Not in the same way,” he argued, his arms tensing up.
It was taking everything in me not to boil with jealousy. Reese. I could never compare to someone like him; a rich and famous director that could give Leo anything he wanted in life…
And honestly, I had a massive crush on Leo, and I felt like he understood a part of me that not one of these other starboys could. But the emotional connection here… it completely paled next to the connection I shared with Crim.
But Crim was so weird, and Leo was so… so grounded. Leo made sense.
But this didn’t.
I pushed away from his arms.
“I… I need time to think,” I said, turning away. “This is all so complicated…”
“Take your time,” Leo said. “I’ll be here for you when and if you want to talk.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Leo walked with me back to my trailer, and I felt like there was this wall between us. I couldn’t
