“What’s going to happen to me, friend Hilario?” Larry asked.
Hilario sighed. Eased the van onto Diesel Avenue. It would be a straight shot to downtown from there.
“I screwed up,” Hilario said, “I always seem to screw something up. I forgot about the fire rites.”
“Fire rites?”
“Yeah. Fire,” Hilario said, “A person who’s life is ended by fire is collected almost immediately by the black angels.”
“Why?”
Hilario shifted on the seat again. This was the tough part of the conversation. But it wasn’t like Larry could get away, right? For whatever reason his spirit had bonded to the van.
“Because death by fire is both natural and unnatural,” Hilario said, “It means the spirit must be weighed to see if the fire cleansed it of the body’s…well, let’s call them sins.”
Larry wobbled on the seat. His eyes were huge.
“Sins? But, Hilario, my friend, I’ve lived a good life,” he said, “I haven’t sinned.”
Hilario gave him a look.
Larry stiffened. “Not any more than anyone else,” he said, “And besides, my people don’t believe in sin.”
“But I bet they believe in punishing people who break the tribe’s laws, right?”
“My people believe that justice will come to those who do wrong,” Larry said, “Eventually.”
Hilario shook his head. “What, are your tribe hippies or something?”
Larry folded his arms over his chest and turned his head to stare out the window. Hilario blew hot air from his nostrils. Be nice. Give the guy a break, he’s freshly dead.
“Sorry,” Hilario said, “What your people believe isn’t exactly relevant. When you die, you become part of the unseen world. You have to play by its rules.”
“What’s the unseen world?”
Hilario rolled his eyes. Like the name wasn’t description enough?
“The unseen world exists on a plane that’s off-axis to what you know as the normal world,” Hilario said, “For the most part it’s invisible to the normal world. Hence the unseen part. It’s where what you think of magic exists. And gods and monsters.”
Larry’s head came back around. “You mean all of that is real? Werewolves and wizards and psychic powers?”
Hilario gave a weary nod. “The unseen and the normal worlds touch in places. Some normal world people can feel the unseen world. Some of them can actually channel a little of the unseen world’s power. Not much. But enough to do unusual things.”
Larry sat back on the seat. His eyes got a faraway look.
“Dragons?” he asked.
“Yeah, dragons.”
“Mermaids?”
“Well, sort of,” Hilario said, “They don’t look like sexy half naked woman half fish, though.”
“Oh,” Larry said, “How about unicorns? Rachel loves unicorns.”
“Unicorns, yes, there are unicorns in the unseen world,” Hilario said, “Again, not quite the romanticized version you’re thinking about though.”
Larry rubbed his long fingers over his chin. “I bet Rachel would forgive me if I got her a unicorn.”
“Don’t even go there, Larry,” Hilario said. He gave Larry a quick glance. Tried to frame his question in a casual way. Which, of course, there wasn’t. Important questions seldom had easy deliveries.
“And what would she need to forgive you for anyway?” he asked.
Larry hunched down. Turned his face away from Hilario.
“I told you,” he said, “I used someone else’s kitchen.”
Hilario tightened his grip on the wheel. Fortunately the van didn’t complain about that. He’d had a Buick once that thought it was a sports car. Every time he clenched the wheel the car would go: Vrooom! Vroom! Let’s race, boss!
It also chattered incessantly about its tires. Kept begging for high performance ones with sticky treads so it could get some Gees burning off from the stop light.
Believe it or not, objects had mental health issues, too.
He’d kind of liked the car, though. It always had a positive attitude.
Too bad it ended up wrapped around a two hundred year old oak tree. At least it died happy, doing a hundred and ten in the pouring rain.
Hilario shuddered. Everyone had issues.
“Larry, this might be important,” he said, “We don’t want you have unresolved problems when the black angels finally catch up with you.”
Larry was giving him the wide-eyed look of terror again.
“What do you mean, finally catch up?” he said, “Can’t you hide me from them? You have magical powers. I don’t want to go with them.”
This was tricky. Hilario drummed his fingers on the wheel. “The black angels aren’t the worst things that might find you,” he said, “And they just look scary. They’re not all that bad.”
Not totally true, but it was just a little fib.
Okay, maybe a big fib.
Oh, donkey pucks. Huge fib.
Hilario held a hand up as Larry opened his mouth.
“Okay, yeah, they’re not nice. But they’re doing what they were, um, designed for,” he said, “And there’s no getting around them. Eventually. What we want is for you to skip the bad places and go straight to the good places.”
Assuming the good places actually existed.
His voice quavering, Larry asked: “How do I do that?”
Hilario started to tell another fib, then closed his mouth. Lies were currency of the bad places. He already weighed enough. He didn’t need them dragging down his clown pockets, any further.
“Tell me why you were cooking in someone else’s kitchen,” He said.
Larry slumped back down on the seat. He seemed to fold in on himself.
“Who’s kitchen were you cooking in?” Hilario asked.
Larry shook his head. Turned his face away to stare at the night filled street.
Hilario ground his teeth together. This whole thing was turning into a bucket of booger nuggets.
7
Hilario eased out of the van. Tried not to make any noise while doing so. Except…When his badonkadonk butt slid off the oversized seat, the van springs and shocks creaked with relief. The entire van trembled as it readjusted
