Marco pointed to Odom’s arm. “Spider there,” he said.
Odom screamed like a little girl and beat at his arm. He tumbled backwards. Hit the floor with a clang. The van shook with the impact.
Began to tilt.
“Oopsie!” Lord Igdibon said as the van moved away from his long, pink tongue.
The terror spider moved, jaunty piano tunes plinking from its abdomen. For a moment the tilt stopped.
Then the van took a violent slip. Its nose tilted toward the cavern’s roof.
Metal screeched along the bottom.
Then they were in free fall. Lord Igdibon and his terror spider receded from view.
Oh rocket poop!
Green tendrils slipped over the windows.
The van thumped against something.
The descent slowed. Gravity returned with neck snapping force.
The seat under Hilario groaned as it took on his five hundred pounds in a direction it never expected to take.
Metal clattered at the back of the van. Something snapped–a ringing of broken metal. He looked up at the mirror in time to see the rear doors swing open under Odom’s weight.
The limp form of the Sapphire Witch flopped out.
Odom grabbed her with his majestically sculpted arm. He braced his legs against the door frame. Hauled her up with one hand.
Though she wouldn’t have fallen far.
Thick green tendrils twisted under the open doors. Tendrils that sprouted dozens of heart shaped leaves.
The vines creaked and popped as they moved up the outside of the van. Slowly the van tilted back to horizontal.
A relief as much for the van as everyone in it, he was sure.
He could feel the van moving. But it was hard to tell the direction. Up? Down?
The vines covered the windshield. Heart shaped leaves the size of his fist pressed against the glass.
Somewhere outside, beyond the creaking vines, a piano played furiously. The terror spider on the move.
“I seriously need to wake the fuck up,” Marco said.
The detective had a death grip on the back of the passenger seat. His gray fedora was askew. How in the heck had the man not lost it by now?
“Momma Sapphire! Momma Sapphire!”
Oh, lovely, Queezleyan, the six-tailed rat demon was awake again.
The rat demon skittered out of the passenger side footwell and bounced over Odom. The little beast landed by the Sapphire Witch’s head and howled. Well, squeaked. It was rat demon after all, not a wolf demon.
Thankfully.
Odom gripped the hilt of the sword strapped to his back. Finally, the big lunk was going to do something. The paladin glanced back at Hilario.
“Is the spider still out there?” he asked.
Crushing Hilario’s hopes once again. He should have been used to having his hopes stomped on like empty soda cans. But that’s what made hope so troublesome. It kept blossoming like fresh spring flowers after the rain. Only to have a giant boot come out of the sky to pound it flat.
“Momma Sapphire, wake up!” Queezleyan shouted.
The rat demon licked the Lady Sapphire’s face with its long, fiery tongue. Which should have sizzled the flesh off her bones. But then she only looked human, didn’t she?
A jaunty piano tune swelled at the front of the van.
Lord Igdibon’s terror spider. Presumably with his dark lordship still in the saddle. He couldn’t tell, though, because the windshield was now completely covered with heart shaped leaves. Tiny white flowers blossomed along the vines, too.
The vines creaked and rustled over the sides of the van. All the windows were obscured.
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeee Haw!”
So, Lord Igidbon was still out there. Sounding like he was still enjoying himself.
Typical dark lord. Nothing like a doling out a bit of terror to get one’s jollies on. Those guys…
“I really should go out there,” Odom said. He stood back from the open rear doors. His fingers drummed on his (still sheathed) sword.
“Spider!” Marco shouted.
Odom jumped back from the open doors. His eyes wide with terror.
Marco brayed laughter. He fell to the floor and rolled with his arms clutching his sides, his laughter sounding close to hysteria.
Roger the ogre was right there with him, laughing his ugly head off.
“Wake up, bitch!” Queezleyan shouted, “I wanna get out of here!”
Acid churned in Hilario’s gut. His crew, such as it was, was cracking up. They were all going to be eaten by the terror spider. Well, except for him. He was going to end up as clown stew in a bonkers dark lord’s belly.
Num, num, num.
“Rachel!” Larry shouted, “Where are you!”
And that’s when everything changed.
56
Roses.
The rich, intoxicating scent of roses filled the van. Completely washed out the rotten cabbage stink of Roger the ogre and Detective Marco’s musky cologne.
It was so strong Hilario’s eyes watered and he grew dizzy for a moment.
He clutched the steering wheel to keep himself from falling over. Across the windshield the tiny white flowers darkened. Grew. Blossomed.
Blood red.
Thorns popped out along the vines. Huge thorns with glistening sharp barbs.
They squealed over the van’s skin. The sound sent chills down his spine.
The van stopped moving. The suspension creaked as the tires touched some kind of surface. What he desperately hoped was the ground and not yet another elevated platform of death.
Marco and Roger’s laughter stopped, cut off as if by a knife. They stared up at the roof of the van. Odom the Paladin sat crouched by the prone figure of the Sapphire Witch. He too stared up at the ceiling, his hand clenched around his sword hilt.
Even Queezleyan had stopped trying to wake up the Sapphire Witch. And, yeah, stared up at the ceiling.
So did Larry, his ghostly face turned upward as he sat on the passenger seat, his
