Apparently, that hadn’t happened.
“It’s okay. They have an event, and I get it. They book years in advance, and it’d be hard for them to change such last minute.”
I blinked. “It’s your wedding, Gem.”
“I know. But I’ve already had a wedding, remember?” she said on a sad smile, as if the fact that they’d been there when she’d married asshole Carlo counted for something. “They’ll celebrate with us another time.” I saw the sadness in her eyes, but she waved her hand, like the hurt was a cloud of smoke she could waft away. “Anyway, let’s move on.”
I gave her a look that said I love you enough for ten families, and she smiled in understanding before I dragged my finger to the next table.
“Okay. Here, it’s Zach’s parents, his brother, his brother’s best friend, me, and…”
Gemma smirked. “Andddd.”
I rolled my eyes, but I knew my cheeks were flushed. “Anddd my plus one, if I’m lucky enough to have one.”
“Pshh. Like you even have to question that.” She snapped her fingers, pointing at the blue sticky note next to my pink one. “Erase that plus one shit and add Makoa’s name.”
I swallowed. “I don’t think I should, Gemma. Not yet.”
“It’s been two months now,” she pointed out. “You don’t think you’ll still be seeing each other in another month and a half?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” She looked genuinely confused. “Do you want to still be seeing him?”
I bit my lip before covering my face with both hands. “Ugh. You’re the worst.”
“Because I ask you about your boyfriend?” she joked on a chuckle.
I wrinkled my nose at the term, which earned me a deep belly laugh.
“Belle. He’s your boyfriend. You’re his girlfriend. And from the way I’ve seen you two acting together, and all the time you’ve spent together, I hate to break it to you, but… he ain’t going anywhere.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Apparently, I know it more than you do.” She shook her head, grabbing my arm until I freed my hands from my face and looked at her. “Why are you hiding from it? I’ve been your best friend for years, and I’ve never seen you so smitten with a guy before.”
“Except for with Nathan,” I pointed out. “Which is exactly why I’m adverse to it.”
Gemma shook her head. “No, Nathan was different. We were young. Sure, you guys had fun together, but Nathan didn’t look at you the way Makoa does. He didn’t care for you the way Makoa does. And he definitely didn’t take the time to get to know you, your friends, your hopes and dreams and likes and dislikes the way Makoa has. I mean, I can see that clear as day. Can’t you?”
I groaned again, and I didn’t have to answer for Gemma to know that I saw it, too.
“I know this will sound crazy to you,” I said after a minute. “But that’s part of the problem. I do see it. And where I usually boot a guy to the curb after three dates, long before any of these kinds of feelings can develop, I find myself doing the exact opposite with Mak. I’m like… I’m leaning all the way in to this guy. And that means if he takes even one step backward, I’m going down. Hard.”
“What makes you think he will?”
I shrugged. “My record. Statistics.”
“Your record?” Gemma laughed. “Belle, other than Nathan, you have dated approximately zero guys. Unless you count Potato Face.”
I smirked at that.
“Which I don’t,” she clarified. “But, from what I can tell, Makoa seems fully invested.”
“He does, but…” I sighed, picking at my nails. “Again, don’t think I’m crazy but… I feel like he’s hiding something.”
Gemma frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, sometimes when we’re talking about him, he’ll change the subject suddenly, like he doesn’t want me to pry too deep. I know the signs because I’ve used the same techniques on other guys. It’s like a deflection, so we stay on lighter topics.”
“Like, his family and stuff?”
“More like his past relationships, and work, oddly.” I shook my head. “And he’s been at this work conference… what if he hooked up with someone in his field or something? And he’s with her now, and that’s why I haven’t heard from him very much? And maybe that’s why we haven’t talked much about his job, or his exes. Like… really, what conference do you know that lasts almost three weeks and takes up nearly every second of every day?”
All my insecurities rushed to the surface as soon as I opened the nozzle, the little droplets of buts and ifs rushing through and shoving each other out of the way in their desperation to be heard. My stomach catapulted, and I wrapped my arms around it, regretting that I was talking about the very thing I’d been trying to avoid.
“Oddly, I do get it,” Gemma said after a minute. “Don’t you remember how messed up I was after Carlo? I didn’t want to give Zach a chance, even when he proved he deserved one. Even when I was so into him I couldn’t see anyone but him.” She shrugged. “I think that’s our natural instinct. It’s self-preservation, to be skeptical and cautious after being burned.”
I sighed.
“But,” she continued. “Here’s the thing. All of that you just said? It’s projection. You don’t know any of that for sure. What’s happening is that you’re scared, and so your brain
