That’s what I was after.
When the team had signed me as a free agent, it wasn’t lost on me that they signed at least a dozen other guys, knowing full well that they’d cut them just as easily if they didn’t fit where the team needed them to. Fortunately for me, the Bears needed a better receiving game, and I pushed through every sore muscle and ounce of exhaustion to prove I was the guy for the job.
On the last week of camp, the fans were invited to watch us scrimmage, and the entire team was alive with the buzz that came from them cheering us on. Gerald and I were standing next to each other, signing a few balls and jerseys — though most of the fans were crowding the other end of the field, where our starting quarterback, receivers, O-line, and defense were.
They didn’t know me yet, the few fans who passed me their balls with shy smiles or you did great out there encouragements.
But my hope was that by the end of the season, they’d be proud of that signature I left.
“I don’t know about you, man,” Gerald said, clapping me on the shoulder when the last of the fans were making their way out of the training facility. “But I feel like I could sleep for a week.”
I chuckled. “Think you’re going to have to wait until the end of the season for that.”
“Or the first Tuesday off. I’d take even a full day of sleep if I can’t get a whole week,” he rebutted. Then, he nodded his chin. “I know we haven’t talked much, with everything going on here, but… I heard the coaches talking on the sideline the other day. Your name came up quite a few times.”
I arched a brow. “Yeah?”
He nodded. “I hope you feel ready for the exhibition season, man, because they’re going to call on you.”
“I’ll answer,” I said, determination bending my brows. “Did it sound good, what they were saying?”
Gerald smirked at that. “I wouldn’t be telling you otherwise.”
Hope bloomed in my chest. It was no secret that an invite to training camp didn’t mean shit. You could work your ass off and still be cut easily, with about as much as an impersonal phone call midway through the pre-season. But ever since my contract ran up with the 49ers, I’d manifested that wherever I went next, I’d make the team. I’d make it my home. That condo I owned that overlooked the lake was proof of that.
In my mind, I was already a Bear.
And now, I was inches away from cementing that as truth.
I nodded in gratitude, and Gerald squeezed my shoulder once more before jogging toward the locker room. We’d all get a quick shower and a quick dinner before it would be time to report for evening meetings.
The locker room was loud and boisterous, with players laughing and dancing and making jokes about the scrimmage game, but I was quiet as I made my way to my cubby. I pulled my phone from my duffle, a relieved sigh finding my chest at a missed text from Belle.
Gemma and I figured out the seating chart for the wedding. Sorry, but you have to sit next to me. I tried to get you and Zach your own table, but Gem fought me on it.
I chuckled, heart aching with the urge to call her, to hear her voice, her laugh… and more than anything, to tell her about the day I’d had. I wanted to tell her how good I felt in the drills, how well I played in the scrimmage, how Gerald had heard the coaches talking about me.
I wanted her to know this part of me more than anything.
I swallowed down my regrets, typing out a response to her before I chucked my phone back in my bag where it would stay until ten o’clock at night when we finally called it in for the day. I hated that I didn’t have more time to call Belle, even if just to sit on a video chat and listen to her talk about her day. It physically hurt some nights to know I was just an hour from her, but I couldn’t go to her.
Right now, my focus had to be football. I had one shot to make this team, and I couldn’t throw it away.
But camp would be over in just a few days, and then I’d be back in Chicago and she’d be back in my arms.
And I’d tell her everything.
I’d had both dreams and nightmares about what would happen when I did. The best of them left her smiling and laughing and shoving me playfully remarking why didn’t you just tell me from the get-go, silly? The worst of them had her crying and screaming and slamming a door in my face as she repeated the one label I never wanted from her over and over again.
Liar, liar, liar!
Just like training camp, I imagined reality would lay somewhere between the two, but I was ready to face the consequences. In my gut, in my heart, I knew she trusted me. I knew, once I explained everything, she’d understand.
And then, this would all be behind us.
I closed my eyes, imagining her wearing my jersey, sitting with the other girlfriends and wives and cheering me on at every home game. I imagined her catching a flight to the away games, or me coming home to her after a loss on the road, or — even better — celebrating a win in the best way we know how.
My eyes fluttered open as optimism surged through me, swirling in a tornado with the hope Gerald had left in my chest before.
Everything I wanted was right at the tip of my fingers.
All I had to do was reach.
Belle
I ran my fingers through my hair Friday evening, eyes nearly crossing as I checked the last
