I shook my head, running my hand over my jaw.
“Anyway, she was the first of a string of girls just like that. There was Zariah, who had me fooled until she started hinting at the fact that she wanted plastic surgery and a good boyfriend would buy it for her. And the final straw was Lucia, who straight up looked me in the face and asked me how it worked.”
“How what worked?” Belle asked.
“The whole sugar daddy thing.”
Belle blew out a sigh. “Jesus.”
“Yeah.” I chewed my lip, looking out at the city, the last bits of sunlight casting its glow. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be someone’s person. I wanted to give them all of me and get all of them in return. But first, I was too nice, always the friend and never the boyfriend. Then, I was nothing but a piece of meat with dollar signs attached to it. So, when I moved here, all I was looking for was a chance to start over. A new chapter, a place where no one knew me and I could be whoever I wanted to be.” I laughed. “I mean, I literally prayed for a girl who wouldn’t have a clue who I was.”
“And then you walked into my office.”
I swallowed. “And then I walked into your office. And I just… here was everything I’d asked for. You had no idea about me or my past or my possible future. You hate football. And I just thought, I’ll keep it to myself for now, get to know her better, and once I know she’s not playing some kind of game… then I’ll tell her the truth. I just… I worried that maybe I was being stupid again, that I was walking into some kind of trap. The way you were so eager to come back to my place, and those first couple of dates…”
“I’m just a girl with a healthy sexual appetite.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that. “Well, I know that now.”
Belle didn’t join in my smile, but sighed instead, crossing her arms even tighter as her gaze turned to the windows. She shook her head, thinking for a long moment before her eyes found mine. “I’m really sorry all that happened to you. It breaks my heart to know the way you were used like that.” She paused, rolling her lips together. “But it doesn’t make it fair to lie to me. You should have given me more credit than that, especially after those first few dates. I mean, did I ever take advantage of you or give you any indication that I gave a fuck about your money or what you did for a living?”
“No,” I answered quickly. “You didn’t. And I was going to tell you. But then you ghosted me.”
She held up one finger. “That’s not fair. Don’t blame this on me.”
“I’m not, I’m just saying that I was going to tell you, but then you disappeared, and then that night at the bar when we set things straight, you told me everything about Nathan and…” I threw my hands up. “Here’s this guy who lied to you, broke your trust, ruined your outlook on love forever. And he played football?” I shook my head. “Belle, I was trying to convince you that I was everything he wasn’t, that I would never do that to you. So, how could I then immediately tell you—”
“I would have understood!” She threw her own hands out at me in return. “Makoa, if you would have told me then, it would have been mutual. And that’s the difference between us. In that moment, I opened up to you. I was the most vulnerable I’ve ever been with a man. I showed you my scars and made the choice to take a risk and give you a chance. But you?” She shook her head, her eyes glossing over. “You chose to lie to me. You chose to take that vulnerability I gave you and convince yourself that you were an exception, that the pain you’d cause me wouldn’t count because, what? Your intentions were pure?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but she held up a hand to silence me.
“You’ve been hurt. I get it. I mean, if anyone gets it, it’s me. But I showed you that pain. You hid yours. I mean, Jesus, Makoa,” she said, swiping a loose tear away angrily. “You lied to me so easily.”
Her voice broke on that last sentence, along with my heart, and I tried to reach for her but she tore away.
“If you could lie about this, you could lie about anything. Don’t you see? I think that’s what hurts the most. That’s the biggest issue here.” Her eyes teared up so fast she couldn’t do anything to control the streams that escaped on her next blink. “Before this, I never thought it possible for you to lie to me… but now… I don’t trust you anymore.”
My chest ached, and I suffered a hot breath before trying to plead my case again. “Belle, please, I—”
“And you clearly don’t trust me either.”
I frowned. “What? No,” I argued, rushing to her. I held her arms in my hands, thankful she didn’t pull away but wishing she’d uncross her arms and let me in. Instead, she looked out the window, like she could never truly look at me again. “I do trust you. With everything that I am.”
“Clearly, you don’t. Or you
