Another zing of desperation flew through me. “I’m sorry. I wish I could take it all back and do it differently.”
“But you can’t,” she finished for me, her eyes finding mine. “And how in the world are two people this fucked up ever supposed to make it?”
“Maybe that’s exactly it,” I tried. “We’re meant for each other.”
Belle scoffed, shaking her head and turning away from me as more tears slipped free. “I want you to go.”
“Belle, no, please, just listen to me, give me another chance, I swear—”
She ripped away from my grasp, holding up her hand. “Stop. Just stop, Makoa. There’s nothing more you can say to change my mind and this,” she added, waving her hand between us with a sardonic laugh. “All of this is a waste of time.”
I swallowed. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes,” she said, and this time, her gaze met mine, steady and sure. “I think I really do. Now, please, just leave so I can pick up the pieces of the mess you made.”
They were the final crack to my heart, those words, and I felt them split open inside my chest. I was bleeding out as I turned, feet heavily carrying me toward her door. It didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel like this could possibly be happening, like this could really be the end.
I stopped when I had her door open, gripping the edge of it when I turned to face her once more. “You told me the other night that you were falling in love with me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut at that, releasing another flood of tears before she turned her back on me so I couldn’t see her face anymore.
“Well, I am in love with you. I’ve known it for a while now, and this, tonight, it doesn’t change the way I feel. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I lied. But I promise you this, it was never my intention to cause you pain, and if you give me the chance, I will never hurt you again. I will earn every ounce of your trust back and I will prove to you that my word is good.”
Belle’s shoulders shook with sobs, and all I wanted was to run to her, but I knew it was the last thing she wanted.
And so, I said my final words. If they were the last I’d ever have with her, I knew I’d never regret them.
“I love you, Belle. So, if you love me, too, then please forgive me. Forgive me, and don’t walk away from this. From us. We are meant for each other. I think we both stumbled on this dark and twisted road for so long so that when we found each other, we’d know. We’d know this is it. We’d know all of the pain was worth it.”
I fought back my own urge to cry, nose flaring with the effort, and then I left her with my last attempt.
“Why else live if not for love?”
She stood ramrod straight in the center of her condo, back to me, not giving me a single clue that she’d even been listening.
So I left her, the sound of the door shutting behind me like that of a jail cell locking me into the new hell I’d created. It was my own doing, and I had to serve the time.
I’d said all I could say.
The rest was up to her.
Makoa
Gerald yelled hike!, and I took off, every muscle in my legs engaged in a sprint down field. I ran ten yards before I cut right, looking over my shoulder for the ball. It was a perfect spiral throw from Gerald, and I reached up for it, muscle memory taking over.
Except the ball tipped my fingers, bobbling between my hands before I dropped it altogether.
“Damn it!” I cursed, threading my hands on top of my helmet as I watched the defensive teammates in the practice scrimmage celebrating. I didn’t miss the way coach shook his head, muttering something to the staff member next to him before he blew the whistle and told us to line up again.
Gerald slapped my helmet when we were back in the huddle. “Come on, man. Get focused.”
I nodded, blowing out a frustrated breath before he made the next call and we clapped for break. I positioned myself on the line, closing my eyes for a brief second to center myself.
Hike!
I took off again, this time running a curl route that had me juking the defensive player on my tail before I made a dash back toward the center field. Gerald launched the ball, and once again, it was a perfect pass.
A perfect pass that I missed.
The ball slipped through my fingers like my gloves were coated in butter, and I growled, picking up the ball and launching it back down field before I thought better of it. It was bad enough to be having an off day, but to show out like that would only add fuel to the fire.
“Kumaka,” coach called, and he nodded to the bench, letting me know without a single word that I needed to sit out and cool off.
Gerald tapped my shoulder pads as I ran past. “It’s all good, bro. Shake it off.”
I flopped down on the bench, ripping my helmet off and letting it fall between my cleats on the ground. Someone handed me a Gatorade bottle with water, and I squirted some in my mouth, swishing it around before I spat it out and then took a real drink.
The longer I sat there, the more my muscles cooled and my breath evened out, the more disappointed I was with myself.
I was completely falling apart.
It was Thursday, four days since the night everything blew to hell.
And I hadn’t heard from Belle.
Not once.
I wished I could say it didn’t affect me. I wished I could say I’d been focused on football, on the upcoming
