She faces the Atlantic and throws her arms out to the wind, head back, grinning. “Made it Ma! Top of the world!”
I’m not sure she realizes that quote is from James Cagney’s White Heat, in which he proceeds to die right after.
I step over the fence and carefully walk over to her, holding out my hand.
“Ruby,” I say gently, afraid to panic her. “Please turn around slowly and give me your hand.”
“I’m fine,” she says, not moving. “I feel so free here.”
Then she takes another step closer to the edge.
“Ruby, please.”
She glances at me over her shoulder, giving me a sly smile.
Then a gust of wind swoops up from below the cliffs and buffets us back, knocking Ruby off balance. She yelps in surprise and throws herself backward onto the ground.
I lunge toward her, hoping that any vertigo stays in check, and grab her by the arms, hauling her up to her feet and pulling her back until we’re at the fence.
She turns around and throws her arms around me, holding me tight.
“Holy shit,” she gasps into my chest. “I thought I was going to go over.”
I hold her back, kissing the top of her head. I want to get angry and lecture her about thinking she was invincible and doing stupid shit, but I manage to keep it inside.
“You’re fine now,” I tell her. “I’ve got you.”
“I felt myself falling,” she cries out softly. “Like, I felt it as if it was happening. I was falling and falling and I knew I was going to die. It was so horrible.”
“You didn’t fall. But that was stupid.”
Okay, I guess I’m a little too shaken not to say anything.
“I know. I’m sorry. I just…I wanted to see how close I could get.”
“Well you got closer than anyone ever should. Are you okay?”
She pulls back and stares up at me, her eyes wild. She nods. “Yeah. Yeah. I need to sit down.”
She turns and sits down on the fence. I sit next to her, watching her carefully as she takes in deep breaths through her nose, eyes closed.
“Talk to me,” I tell her.
“I’m fine,” she says after a moment. She flashes me a sweet smile. “Sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me.”
I frown at her, give my head a shake. There are times when I wonder about her, worry about her. Not saying I thought that she was going to jump off that cliff, just that I know where she’s coming from. I know her past and I know she’s got issues. Perhaps those issues are coming out in strange ways. I mean, she drinks a bit too much, she’s here in Europe illegally and doesn’t seem to think it’s that big of a deal. She purposely went to that edge.
“Talk to me, Ruby,” I repeat, trying to get to the root of things. I want her to tell me her troubles, her ghosts. I want her to give me her problems so I can try and fix them. So I can protect her. “How is your mother?”
“My mother?” she asks, surprised. “Why?”
“Because I haven’t seen you for two years, because there’s so much more that I don’t know. Because I want to know how you are. How you really are.”
“It’s fine. She’s fine.”
I don’t believe it. “What happened after her overdose?”
“I told you.” She gives me a dark look. “She was okay.”
“It didn’t happen again?”
She bites her lip for a moment, her eyes searching the horizon. “No. It didn’t. They watch her closely.”
“Do you wish you could have gone back to see her in prison?”
“Sometimes. But it never goes well.”
“What happened when you went before?”
“Why the questions, Luciano? I thought this was a date.”
“Because I care about you. Because it’s better to open up and talk about it instead of…”
Her brows raise. “Running away? Jumping off a cliff? Look, it was an accident. I didn’t mean to get too close.”
“I just want you to trust me. We’ve always been open with each other.”
Let me carry your burdens for a change.
“I know. I’m fine.”
I sigh, rubbing my hand over my chin. I need to shave.
“If you keep it all in, you’re going to pass the hardest moments alone while everyone believes you’re fine.” I pause. “Let me in, Ruby.”
She glances at me, and then leans forward with her elbows on thighs.
“How are things with your stepfather?” she asks.
I take in a sharp, instinctive breath. Guess now it’s my turn now.
“That bad, huh?” she says.
I stare down at my hands, knowing that I need to be as honest as I wanted her to be. I wish I could be a hypocrite.
“Well, as you know, we’ve never had a healthy relationship. And actually, it’s gotten worse. Especially this year. When I became captain, that’s when everything started to get, uh, ugly.” I let out a bitter laugh. “When the team was at its worst, that’s the only time he started being nicer to me. Still didn’t give me any respect of course, but he wasn’t so angry and vicious. Now, it’s like he takes pleasure in it.”
“So what does he do?”
I sit back and run my hand through my hair. “Let me see. The other day I had talked about being traded to another team eventually, though I didn’t mention which one, and he said that if I ever did that, Marco would no longer be my agent, because Marco isn’t leaving Lisbon.”
“I see,” she says.
“Yes. He controls Marco in every which way, and I don’t think Marco likes it so much anymore. But it’s hard to tell. He has such a hold on him.”
“Your stepdad is a scary guy.”
“He can be. And so sometimes he says that my talent was a fluke. And maybe he’ll call me pathetic because I’m too old to be a captain and my career
