When he said I could come to practice and to the game, my first thought was actually about Marco. Doesn’t he go to those? Shouldn’t we tell him something?
Luciano said that shouldn’t be an issue, and though he does talk to him nearly every day, he didn’t mention me at all.
I’m not sure that’s wise.
I mean, I get Luciano’s fear. I do. But if he finds out by accident that I’m in town and that Luciano knew that, then Luciano is really going to get shit.
But he’s not my brother and I don’t have the inside scoop into their relationship. I just have to trust that Luciano is handling it the best he can.
That’s the reason why, when we go to the game, our seats are way up in the nosebleeds. I don’t really care, I’m just stoked to go, but it’s so that I’m somewhat hidden and out of the way, just in case Marco does show up. If he does, he’ll at least be sitting with all the important fancy pants people, won’t ever notice me.
That said, I totally intend to wear a Ribeiro jersey to show my support.
Practice continues for a little while longer, and while I’m watching Luciano, I’m also thinking about what Elena just said.
About how Luciano is in love with me.
I know he isn’t.
I mean, he hasn’t said anything and I don’t expect him to.
But it does make me want to lower my guard, just a little.
The other day when we went to the western-most point on the continent and I nearly fell off a cliff, I got so fucking scared that it made me freeze up. It made me distrust myself and everything I was feeling. Looking back now, I know it was reckless and stupid of me. The me of a few weeks ago wouldn’t have done that, wouldn’t have tempted fate and gone to the edge like that. I don’t know what changed, why I’m different now.
I think it has to be the fear.
I think being with Luciano is having those fears rush to the surface.
The last two years I’ve been wandering, but I’ve been alone. No one to rely on except myself. No complications except the ones in my head, the untangling of my past, of trying to outrun my shadows. I felt like I was evolving, growing, getting to know myself better each and every day.
Now I’m here in Lisbon, and I’m supposed to go down to the Algarve with Elena soon and then return to Helsinki for Christmas. Elena already said she’ll go down to Algarve without me and I can meet her back in Finland after. I can stay here longer with Luciano.
But then what? I don’t have a job right now. I have no real ties. If I wanted to stay and be with him, I could do so easily.
And that’s the problem.
It’s too easy to be with him.
We’ve fallen back into bed with each other like time hasn’t passed at all, and whatever feelings that were building for him when I was here before, well, they didn’t disappear over the years. They didn’t evaporate. I thought maybe they would have, like they would have rebooted. I thought maybe things would have changed too much, that we would have changed too much. But, if anything, Luciano has changed for the better.
And me? Well I’m still figuring that out.
What I do know is I want to stay here with him.
I don’t want to leave.
I want to make this work, and at the same time I’m too damn scared.
Because I know that this is it.
I’m thinking the same damn thing I did the other day.
I did find the right guy.
And if I let myself fall, I’ll fall right into love.
It’s as fucking scary as standing on that cliff.
When practice is over, Luciano drives Elena and I back into the city. We drop Elena off at the hotel and I make plans to have drinks with her later, just so I don’t keep ditching her, and I go with Luciano back to his apartment.
We fall into bed, have sex twice, and then doze off in each other’s arms, which comes second place in the things I enjoy doing with Luciano Ribeiro.
“Luciano,” I whisper, running my hand down the hard muscles of his arms as he holds me.
“Mmm?” he murmurs into my hair.
“How would you feel if I stayed a while longer?”
I feel him tense behind me. He lifts his head. I look over my shoulder at him, as his brows come together, his eyes searching mine.
“Are you serious?”
I swallow. “Yeah.” I run my fingers in circles along his inner arm. “I thought instead of going with Elena back to Helsinki I could just…stay here. With you. If you wanted. No pressure.”
Okay, now I feel like an idiot. He hasn’t said anything and I totally might have overstepped my boundaries here.
His dark eyes flicker as he gazes at me, almost like he’s in disbelief. “Ruby,” he says hoarsely.
And then he’s shifting, practically lunging at me. He grabs my face, the back of my head, kissing me with so much passion and strength that my toes curl, butterflies loose in my chest.
“God, yes,” he says against my lips. “Yes. Please. Stay.” He pulls back, running his thumb along my lips, beaming down at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy; it makes me deliriously happy.
“You’ll really stay?” he asks.
“I will,” I tell him.
“We’ll make it work. We’ll figure it out. You can move right in here,” he says. Then he pauses, eyes widening. “If you want. Or we can get you an apartment. If you don’t want to move in with me. Is it too soon? I don’t think it’s too soon. We don’t have to, uh, atirar-nos de cabeça. Sorry I’m getting flustered,
