He rocks back on his heels when I’m done, the confusion clearing from his face only to be replaced by frustration. “Jesus,” he whispers and braces his palms on the countertop in front of him. “You think I would—” He stops himself and takes a breath like he needs to calm himself down. “You actually think I’m the cheating type?”
His question throws me for a minute, unsure why he seems to be offended by this. He kissed me after all. “It’s not like I know you all that well. And anyway, everyone has the potential to cheat, some just chose not to,” I answer as I throw my hands in the air.
At my words, he moves around the island toward me, his strides fast and determined. I barely have time to turn before he’s in front of me. He braces his hands on the edge of the granite, successfully caging me in, and leans into me, pressing me into the surface behind me.
“I’m not a cheat, and I never will be. I’ve witnessed my parents love and respect each other while they were still alive. If my father taught me one thing it’s to respect the person you’re with, advice I have, and always will, follow.” His eyes are blazing with an intensity that’s stealing my breath, something he notices instantly. “Now, I don’t know why you’d think Lauren and I are more than friends at this point, but let me make myself perfectly clear. We haven’t been anything more than friends since shortly after I came back from vet school.”
I open my mouth to protest but am stopped by his hand lifting and one of his fingers pressing lightly against my lips. “I’m not going to lie, after I came back from college, we tried dating. But we realized quickly we weren’t the same people we were in high school. I love her, and always will, as a friend.”
When he doesn’t say anything else, I tilt my head back to dislodge his finger and say, “Are you for real? You were the one who implied you two were more than friends since the first day I met her at that fucking dinner. Where you also accused me of abusing my horse, if I remember correctly.” I’m not letting him off the hook that easily. Why would he make me think they were more than friends if it wasn’t true back then? It makes no sense.
The hand covering my lips moves to my neck, slowly massaging my tense muscles. “You’re right. I did do that. Both of those things. And neither one is excusable. I think I led you to believe Lauren and I were more when we weren’t, because from the day we met I felt this inexplicable draw to you. Hell, leaning over you that day, staring into your mesmerizing blue eyes, I wanted nothing more than to kiss you. When I realized you heard what I said in the kitchen, I didn’t know how to deal with all I was feeling. So I did something childish and let you believe something that wasn’t true.” The thumb starts to slowly caress the side of my neck, and I have to close my eyes, reveling in the sensation. “For that, I’m sorry. I behaved like a child. I wish I could erase all of what I said up until this week and start over, but I can’t. I’ll just have to prove to you I’m not that person.”
“I…” At a loss for what to say. I understand to some degree what he’s trying to make me understand; he didn’t know how to deal with all his feelings. And instead of dealing with them like an adult, he lashed out and diverted his attention. I’ve done the same thing repeatedly since I was younger, behavior I regret and wish people would forgive me for.
How can I expect other people to forgive this type of behavior on my part when I won’t do the same for someone else? It would make me the biggest hypocrite, and that’s not something I want to be.
“I’m not going to say what you said—behind my back and to my face—didn’t hurt. But I also understand what it’s like to act in a certain way in the hopes to accomplish something because you don’t know how else to deal. Part of me always resented the people who couldn’t see past my behavior; I don’t want to be that person with you.”
“I’m truly sorry for hurting you, Princess.”
“I believe you.” I ball my first in order not to grab onto him. “But that doesn’t negate what happened the other day. I understand the animosity between us needs to stop, and I’m sure we can become friends eventually. I’m sure everyone around us would like that.” I avoid his eyes because nothing I just said is what I want. But I can’t get his words from the other day out of my head.
You were a mistake.
Those words still slice into me every time I think of them. I’m done with being people’s mistake, something they’d prefer to keep hidden.
“What are you talking about? You can’t deny the intense chemistry between us. Everyone but you seems to notice it.”
“You seem to be real fucking forgetful today,” I snap in frustration that I have to actually spell this out for him. “Not two days ago you called our kiss a mistake. Hell, you gestured right at me while you said it.” I lift both my hands to try and push him away from me. “Now move away.”
“Not a chance,” he growls while moving even closer, pressing most of his body against me. Both his hands grab onto my neck, something he seems to like to do to get my attention so I can’t avoid
