“Bails, I told ye I’d be sleepin’ today—”
When sniffles reached my ears, I cut myself off and jumped out of my bed so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. I was in front of my sister with my hands on her shoulders within seconds. When I saw her eyes were swollen and red-rimmed from crying, my gut churned and my jaw clenched.
“Did someone hurt ye?”
If she said yes, I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do, but whatever it was would likely get me arrested.
“Toby,” she cried. “He cheated on me!”
Her words were spoken on a sob, but I heard her. As she wrapped her arms around my waist and placed her head against my chest, I couldn’t help but feel a little relief. I could handle heartache, but someone physically hurting her was a whole other playing field.
I hugged her body to mine and kissed the crown of her head. She cried and cried until I found myself worrying that she would dehydrate herself. I never knew it was possible for someone to have so many tears inside them.
After ten minutes, I spoke.
“I know you’re hurtin’,” I said gently, trying to choose my words carefully. “And nothin’ is gonna make ye feel better right now, but I want you to remember that this boy is not worth your tears – or a second of your time, for that matter.”
Bailey’s sobs had reduced to sniffles as she nodded against my chest, letting me know she was listening to me.
“You did nothin’ wrong either,” I continued. “He’s just a stupid boy who didn’t realise he had himself a whole queen in you.”
I smiled when Bailey snorted. She always found it amusing when I used terms that she and her friends did.
“I feel stupid,” she exhaled. “Me friends told me he was a fuckboy and I didn’t listen.”
I sighed. “Ye should feel sorry for him and the girl he ripped ye off with, because he’ll likely do it to her too. What he’s done says a lot about him and the person he’ll likely become if he keeps this fuckery up.”
“Fuckery.” Bailey laughed as she pulled away from me and wiped her face with her T-shirt. “I’ll have to remember that.”
“I think ye dodged a bullet.” I brushed her hair back from her face. “If ye want me to batter him, say the word.”
Bailey smiled up at me as she hiccupped.
“He’s not worth it,” she said to me. “You’re right – I am a queen, and he’s not good enough for me.”
“Atta girl.”
She high-fived me when I raised my hand, then she hugged me once more.
“I love ye, Eli.” She visibly relaxed. “Ye always know what to say to make me feel better.”
I enveloped her back in my arms.
“I’m your big brother,” I said, kissing her forehead. “I’m always gonna be here for ye.”
A plane flying overhead brought me back to the present, and instead of looking at my sister’s sweet face, I was looking at her grave plot.
“I’m gonna do better,” I said to her as I glanced at the upturned dirt that was still in a mound over her grave. The day she was buried there had been dozens of flowers, teddies and cards, but only Bailey’s favourite flowers remained: a fresh bouquet of bloomed pink lilies. “I’m gonna visit ye a lot, and I’m gonna talk to ye when I can’t come here, just so y’know you’re always on me mind. Always.”
I scrubbed my face with my hands, my face feeling a little weird. I quickly remembered that I had just come from the barber shop. I was keeping up my end of the bargain that Noah and I had struck yesterday morning. I’d keep a freshly groomed beard, and she would get better.
“I bet I look different to ye,” I said to my sister with a snort. “Ye’ve been houndin’ me for months to clean up me beard and I finally did it. Ye have Noah ‘Bossy’ Ainsley to thank for it. She’s awake, baby. She’s awake . . . and she’s not doin’ too good. She has no memory of the last five years, it’s all gone. She doesn’t know that you’re in Heaven and she was involved in the crash that took ye; she just found out she has a husband who’s a stranger to her, that her da is sick and that we’re no longer together. We’re keepin’ your passin’ from her for now. I think it’s best until she gets better.”
I could imagine my sister calling me a dumbarse and it made me want to burst into laughter – and tears, because I never knew how much I needed to hear silly words like that from her until I could no longer hear them.
“I need ye to help me look after Noah, Bailey,” I pleaded softly. “God knows I can’t do it alone. Her parents think I can help her, but I’m a fuckin’ wreck meself, sis.”
I closed my eyes, then opened them again and looked up at the sky.
“How am I supposed to fix Noah when I’m broken too?”
I wasn’t asking my sister that question, but God instead. I had never been a religious man, and even less so since my sister died and I felt like He robbed her from me, but since I got word that Noah was awake and calling for me, I had begun to pray. It was for selfish reasons – I wanted Noah to get better because I couldn’t live in a world where she didn’t exist.
“Everything is a whole bloody mess, Bails.” I shook my head. “The only thing keepin’ me breathin’ right now is Noah. It’s not fair on her that she’s the glue keepin’ me together, but that’s just the way it is. I want to be the man for her, but is it cruel of me to take advantage of her memory
