“What if he knows something that he doesn’t think is important, or something he doesn’t even realise is important?” I quizzed. “You might be right, he might know nothing . . . but if he can tell me something, anything, that will help me figure out why I was with her, then it’ll be worth visiting him.”
“I want to take ye home and keep you with me.” Elliot closed his eyes. “But I know this is somethin’ ye have to do . . . even if I don’t understand it, or agree with it.”
“Thank you, honey.” I leaned up and gently brushed his lips with mine. “Thank you for trusting me.”
“I’ll always trust you.”
It was Anderson he didn’t trust, but Elliot didn’t have to worry about me losing my heart to him – because Elliot owned my heart, and he always would.
“You’ll get in trouble over me.” I glanced down at his uniform. “You didn’t have extended leave because of a back injury, did you?”
“No,” he said, frowning. “Compassionate leave for Bailey’s death. I was on scene when she died, so missing a few weeks of work is standard. I’ve been meetin’ with a counsellor as ye recovered over the last few weeks in hospital. It was one of the requirements before I could be approved to go back to work.”
“Really?” I blinked. “You obviously got the approval . . .”
Elliot nodded. “I’m fit for work. I’m just in a boat that’s shared by a lot of other people who’ve lost someone they love. I found a new way to cope.”
“How?” I asked, suddenly desperate to know. “How d’you cope?”
He brushed stray hair out of my face. “By takin’ things one day at a time.”
I let his words sink in. Taking things day by day had been our method since I got hurt . . . maybe when Elliot had said he was taking things day by day, he’d been talking about way more than just my recovery – and I was glad of that.
“I feel like I’ll never get to a place where I want to take it day by day,” I admitted, tears still lingering on my cheeks. “I feel like I can’t breathe with the pain in my chest. I miss her so much, Elliot. Even more now because I know I’ll never see her again, never talk to her again. We’ll never get to call her ‘baby’ and listen to her give out to us.”
Elliot wrapped his arms around me and held me as I softly cried against his chest. This hurt. This hurt so much more than any physical pain ever had, because there was nothing – no medicine – that anyone could give me to make it better. The ache in my head was nothing compared to the hollow feeling in my chest.
“Are you in pain?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “But not the way you think. My head is fine.”
It wasn’t fine; it just didn’t hurt nearly as much as my chest did.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“I’m sorry.” I brushed his hair away from his face. “You lost your baby sister.”
“We both lost her,” he replied. “Ye loved her like a sister.”
I did, I truly did. That girl had meant the world to me.
“Will you drive me to Anderson’s place?” I tentatively asked. “I don’t want to go alone, not with what I just found out.”
“I was takin’ ye whether ye liked it or not,” Elliot replied. “And I’m waitin’ for ye there.”
I didn’t argue with him, because that was what I wanted too.
“Good.”
Elliot stepped back from me, and the second he did, his mother took his place and gathered me up in her arms. She squeezed me so tightly it made me gasp, but I returned her hug and held back more tears. She had lost her daughter – her pain trumped mine and I didn’t pretend otherwise. I couldn’t imagine how much she and Mr McKenna were hurting. Their baby girl was down in a hole, covered in dirt, and the only thing they had of her now was memories.
“I love ye, Noah,” she said into my hair. “I love ye so much, honey. I always have.”
“I love you too, Ma,” I whispered, using the term she’d always asked me to call her. “I swear I do.”
When we separated, Mr McKenna stepped forward and gave me a tight hug too. He kissed the top of my head and patted my back. He was massive, just like Elliot. He was a warm man and I loved him dearly. He and his wife had always been somewhat of a dream to me. To love the parents of my partner so much and to have them love me in return was special.
We all turned towards Bailey’s grave and I suddenly grabbed Elliot’s hand, needing to feel his touch and closeness. Just looking at the mound of dirt made me feel like I was being crushed on the inside. Elliot squeezed my hand as he moved behind me, wrapping his arms around my body.
“I’d give anything just to hear her have a go at you, Elliot,” I said, my lower lip wobbling. “She could always give as could as she got. I swear she defined the term ‘firecracker’.”
Elliot and his parents chuckled.
We stood in silence for a while, just being in the moment and thinking of Bailey. I was very aware that I was in a different stage of grieving compared to them – this was so fresh for me. I was still having trouble believing it was real and not some sick and twisted joke that the fates were playing on me. I looked from Bailey’s grave to Mr and Mrs McKenna. For a moment I stared at them, then I realised they were holding on to each other intimately.
“They never got divorced,” Elliot whispered in my ear, startling me. “They planned to and were separated for years, but at the start of this year, they got close again. Da asked Ma on a date, and they’ve been together ever since.”
Wide-eyed, I
