He grabs my hands, pulling them over the console. “I was nervous to come get you because I didn’t know how you’d feel about coming home. I suspect you’re nervous because you don’t know how they feel about you coming home. It’s all the same nervousness. We just gotta get through it.”
When Dalton talks, it all sounds so easy.
But, I still have doubts. I don’t guess those ever really go away, even if we want them to. We can be prepared for any and everything, but the doubts can still eat away at our confidence.
“If you want me to, I can run in, grab the kid, and we can make a run for it.”
His playful voice is everything at this moment.
“How did you know what I was thinking?”
“C’mon, Mandy, I’ve loved you for over twenty years. There’s some shit I know. Like your stall tactics and what makes you moan with pleasure. That stuff? It’s basically the skin on the back of my hand, I know it so well.
“Is it stupid for me to be worried?”
“No.” He reaches over, grabbing my finger in his. “I’d be worried if you weren’t, you’ve been through a lot.”
“We’ve,” I correct him. “We’ve been through a lot.”
“Be that as it may, you and Walker, you’re the two I’m worried about right now. Whatever you need to help get through this, say the word.”
This version of the man I love? It’s my favorite. The one who doesn’t give two shits about anyone who isn’t family. Both of us have been guilty of putting other people’s needs ahead of ours in the past. I think we’ve both learned we can no longer do that and still hope to have a successful marriage and family. To see him so strong, gives me strength.
“I think I’m ready.”
He looks over at me, those eyes of his impossibly dark. “If you think, you aren’t ready, babe.”
We sit here for a few more minutes, until I feel strong, until I know I’m ready. “Okay.” I reach over to open the door. “I’m ready.”
“Then let’s go. Don’t touch that door.”
A smirk spreads across my face as I watch him get out and make his way over to my door, all long-legged with a swagger not many others could rock. At the same time he’s both lazy and deliberate, unassuming and completely aware of his surroundings. When he opens my door, he helps me down, but hesitates a moment. Tilting his head down to mine, he presses our foreheads together.
“No matter what happens in there, I love you, I’ve always loved you, and I always will. Ain’t nothing ever gonna change that.”
“I know.” I surge up onto my tiptoes to press our lips together.
It turns into a kiss we haven’t shared in months. Dalton Barnett owns me as he takes possession of something that’s always been his.
Me.
We’re at the door, ready to go in when Dalton stops, turning me around to face him. “You know you’ve got this, right? No matter what happens, you’ve come through the other side, and we’re going to be stronger.”
“I wouldn’t say we’ve come through the other side yet. I still have a lot to make amends for.”
“We spend our whole lives making amends for shit other people think we’ve done, babe. We’re all a work in progress.”
That’s the best way I’ve heard myself described.
A work in progress.
Never done.
Always developing.
“Yeah.” I grin. “I’m a work in progress.”
The door opens and the first person I see is Walker. We run to each other, and even though he’s almost as tall as I am, I drop to my knees, wrapping my arms around him.
“Mom!” he cries.
And I cry too, huge sobs, gulping huge inhales of air as I hold him in my arms. “I’m so sorry,” I keep telling him over and over again. “So sorry.”
He doesn’t say anything, but I feel the wetness of his tears against my shoulder, as I rock him back and forth. “I love you,” he whispers, and it breaks my heart. This kid, so willing to forgive anyone who’s ever hurt him. In a way we’re alike, but I hope to make him different than I am. I hope to give him the tools to be able to separate himself from feeling like he’s to blame.
When he let’s go, I reach up, wiping his tears away.
“I love you, Walker, and I’m sorry you had to deal with everything you did.”
He leans forward. “At least you didn’t promise it would never happen again. Uncle Tyler says that’s important. That people don’t make promises they can’t keep.”
“Uncle Tyler is right.” I hug him again, this time pushing the hair back from his forehead. In the months I’ve been gone, he’s grown up so much. Even if I don’t promise him, I do promise myself. I won’t make my child endure everything I had to endure as a kid.
When I get up off my knees, I’m enveloped in hugs from every side of the room, leaving me with little time to process everything going on, but making me feel more loved than I have in years.
“Are you okay?”
This time it’s my mom asking, although I would say everyone in this room has asked at one time or another since I entered.
“I’m overwhelmed.” I look around in amazement. “I didn’t expect everyone to be here, and I really didn’t expect them to welcome me with opens arms.”
“What? You think because you’ve had a hard time your family doesn’t love you? You know us better than that, Amanda.”
“I know.” I wave at Justice, when she shyly waves at me. “But I’ve been a bitch to Drew and Charity, kicked Dalton out, basically shit on anyone who offered to help. I’ve been a mess.”
“Messes clean up, baby girl. I was once a mess, too. For some reason you and Drew seem to forget most of the shit I put you all through and instead you focus on life after we came
