“Ryan, what if—” she choked off and her breath caught. “What if the same thing were to happen to you?”
“Don’t think like that,” he erupted. He didn’t have an answer for her. They both understood the dangers of his job.
“You know how I always say I’ve got this? I don’t have a grip on anything right now. It’s like losing Travis all over again. People in my life either leave or die.”
Ryan lifted her chin. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You’ll get through this. I’ll help you.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her.
She stiffened and he sensed her tensing, holding back what she couldn’t suppress any longer.
“Let it out,” he said softly. “No one is judging you. Let it all out.”
She squeezed him hard and the sobs came. Her shoulders wracked with such force, he wasn’t sure how to respond. He held her, rocked her. Contain her…contain her like a fire. This I know how to do.
Ryan felt McGuire's loss as a fellow smokejumper, but as far as he was concerned, Tara was his now. He liked Travis, but if he would have been faithful to her, she wouldn’t be in Ryan’s arms now. Life can turn on a dime. Or, he thought glumly, a fire.
He had jumped into different territory now.
Chapter 31
Tara’s senses narrowed and the woods wheeled around her. Travis? Dead? The words fell on her like boulders crashing down a mountain. A piece of her stripped away. She had been a dam holding back a swollen lake. Her tears had cut loose in a flood out of her control.
Ryan held her tight until her sobs subsided. She didn’t want him to let go and rested her head on his chest. His heartbeat comforted her.
He reached in his pocket for a hanky and offered it.
She took it and dried her tears. “Dad always said there’s no crying in firefighting.”
“Not true. Not always.” His eyes mirrored empathy, preventing her from freefall.
“I appreciate your coming here to tell me.”
“You’d planned to marry him at one time. Figured his death might be hard for you.”
“I tried hard to get over him after breaking our engagement. I kept thinking something was wrong with me.” What she didn’t say was, breaking off the engagement nearly destroyed her after losing her father.
“Nothing’s wrong with you. Trust me.” His voice was low and rough. He kissed her palm. “Do you still love him?”
The tender touch of his lips had rippled through her, but his question tipped her off balance. “I thought I did. But that was before.”
“Before what?”
She looked straight at him. “Before you.”
Radio static. Melbourne talking. “O’Connor, this is seven four Juliet. Lift off in ten, incoming traffic.”
“Copy. On my way,” he replied to his radio, his gaze steady on Tara.
Forcing a smile, she lightly tugged his shirt collar. “You better go.”
He tugged her to him for a long, tender kiss, then separated from her. “Sorry to deliver this shocking news and then rush off. Next time we’ll meet on a happier occasion.”
She tucked her head against his neck, wanting to stay like this forever. “I don’t want you to go. I know you have to, but I don’t want you to,” she whispered.
“I’d stay if I could. Hang in there with me until fire season ends. I’ll take you places you’ve only dreamed of. But for now, we earn the bucks to do it. Deal?”
“Deal.” She pressed against him, wanting his reassurance to envelop and comfort her like a cozy quilt—and calm her in this insane world of death and accusation.
Ryan pulled back. “Stay safe on this fire. You know the drill. Make good choices.”
She chuckled. “You’re the one who jumps out of perfectly good airplanes.”
He leaned in and kissed her, sending a want all the way to her core. When he tried to pull back, she wouldn’t stop kissing him. Finally, he backed away, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand.
He glanced down at himself. “Cripes, Waters. Now look what you’ve done.”
She grinned, reaching for him, knowing their kiss made him feel the same way she did.
He held up his hands. “Stop. If I don’t leave now, I’ll tear off your Nomex and have my way with you right here.” He motioned to the forest floor.
“I can think of worse places.” She gave him a coy look and pushed pine needles with her boot as if clearing a place to lie down. “Promise me you’ll stay safe.”
“Always."
“Where will you take me that I’ve only dreamed of?” She was thrilled that his after-season plans included her.
“Ever ride the Pacific Coast Highway on a Husqvarna 701?”
She scrunched her face. “On a chainsaw?”
A squirrel chattered at them and Ryan laughed.
“You’re such a fire chick. Husqvarna doesn’t only make chainsaws. They’ve cranked out a motorcycle or two. Or if you prefer, we’ll sip glacieritas on a Kenai Fjords cruise, watching whales breach.”
“Both. I want to do both.” She fought for strength. “This must have been awkward for you, coming up here to tell me about Travis. Thank you.”
“I don’t do things like this for just anyone.” Ryan cocked a brow and turned to go.
She wanted desperately to tell him about Hudson. “Wait.” Her heart thumped—should she? By the way, Mike Hudson threatened your girlfriend, then accused her of trying to kill him by shoving him in an ash pit.
No time for that right now. She’ll deal with it.
“Waters, if I don’t get out of here…” Slivers of sun streamed between spruce boughs, backlighting his broad shoulders, and glinting his hair gold.
He was the most beautiful thing on this mountain.
She lifted her chin. “Check your chutes, O’Connor.”
He nodded, smiling. “If I have to promise to be safe, so do you.” He hesitated, then put on his sunglasses, and strode off.
“I promise,” she called after him.
He waved before
