“All Brits look like.”
“You’re corny. Must be why she liked you.”
“Likes? No, she loves me.”
“Corny and cocky. I really can see it now.”
“It was very nice meeting you Cherise.”
“You still look familiar. What’s your name again?”
“Jason Smith.”
“That shit sounds fake. Good luck and goodbye.”
Cherise started walking toward the back door. I hopped on my bike and rode off into the literal sunset. There was a hitch in my throat but I refused to get emotional. This wasn’t the end. I’d written twenty-one new songs while I was here in Galena. It was twenty-one and counting. After dinner, I had some rad chords and some killer lyrics. I had this vision of duet with a talented female singer.
(Me)
Just when I think you’re out my life
You can back without a fight
We pick up, right where we left
Because I know this is the best
(Her)
What we had has never gone
No one is right no one is wrong
We were destined to be one
I can feel it in my bones
Chorus
You walk right up to me
I melt right at your feet
We can dance the night away
Cuz with you I’ll always play
I’ll always play
I’ll always stay
Always give and always take
When the clouds start to fade away
We can dance the night away
I had a few lyrics and I would have to complete it later. There were so many beautiful voices that could pull this duet off. I even wrote a shortlist of female artists that came to mind.
Sza
Her
Normani
Dua Lipa
Tinashe
Dionne Bromfield
FKA Twigs
Lion Bae
Summer Walker
Ella Mae
This was the list of artists to sing this duet with me. The label could make it happen with someone. I’d never felt so alive. I’d never felt so proud of the music I was composing. There were enough songs for a solo project. A solo album was something I had been opposed to before but now I felt different. Toxic Shock was home to me but that didn’t mean we all couldn’t pursue our own individual dreams.
The next morning I had an exit therapy session with David. He wanted to wrap things up. He probably wanted to put a bow on it as well.
“Dr. David, this is my last session before you turn me loose on the world.”
“Yes, for now, but you know you have my number and you can call me twenty-four seven.”
“I know. I hope I don’t have to use it.”
“But there is no shame if you do. That’s what I’m here for.”
“I don’t think they pay you enough to babysit from afar.”
“Not everything is about money. What are your immediate plans?”
“Get in the truck with Glynn. Fall asleep while he gives me a lecture. Get out of the truck and walk to the plane. Find a seat, buckle up and fall back to sleep. Plane lands and I’m back home, my home in England, meet up with my mates and start recording.”
“You do understand that you are going back into a lifestyle that glorifies drug and alcohol abuse. It’s impossible for everyone around you to stop indulging because you’re around. This is a true test of your will.”
“I know there will be temptation.”
“And you won’t be the first person to resist it. Put your future before your present. There isn’t anything wrong with removing yourself from toxic situations and toxic people. You’re Jagger Bowie Adkins. I would tell Joe Blow off the street the same thing. You have to put your mental and physical welfare above everything and everybody else. It’s not selfish. It’s survival. Being the best you, takes time. You shared there were two occasions were you left this house and actively went searching for drugs. You were able to stop yourself. Think of your cravings like that bike. You can paddle your way to the demon. Or you can make an upturn and peddle in the opposite direction. You can get off the bike altogether and stand still. What I’m trying to say is you have options.”
I took a deep breath. This was a lot of information to ingest off the heels of losing my wifey. She would die if I called her that to her face.
“You’re right. I have options.”
“We haven’t talked about Katrina.”
“What about her?”
“She’s gone, back to her family. Do you feel a sense of abandonment?”
“No, and she didn’t go back to her family. She went back home to her kids, her son actually. Her daughter doesn’t live at home. She’s away at university. She only comes home on American holidays and some university breaks.”
“I think you missed the point. Katrina has returned to her life. She didn’t sign anything.”
“You mean a non-disclosure agreement. You think she will talk but I know her. She would never. She’s too classy.”
“For your sake, I hope you’re right. She seems like a nice woman but people would do a lot for money.”
“She doesn’t want money and she’s not a clout chaser. And if she wanted money I would just give it to her.”
“Have you considered going your separate ways?”
“What do you mean?”
“This could be the end if you make it that way.” His words were starting to get me pissy— his bloody unsolicited opinions about Kat and me.
“I don’t want it to be.”
“Jagger she lives in a completely different world than you. Do you think it would be fair to turn her world upset down? Your life is hectic. She’s a mother. She doesn’t leave her house and get criticized for her hairstyle and clothing choices. She is free to move around her life without the intrusion of the media. She can go to the grocery store. As soon as her name is placed into a sentence with yours her life will be turned upside down.”
“I love Kat. I want her in my life.”
“At first I did question the connection you had with this older woman. But she doesn’t look forty. She doesn’t even look thirty. She is very beautiful so I can understand how you weren’t aware of her actual age. Regardless of her exterior,
