I couldn’t speak. I knew every bloody thing he was spewing was the truth.
“I love Katrina Sweet.”
“I’m sure you do. Do you love her enough to let her live freely is only a question you can answer for yourself.”
Everything he said after that didn’t matter because I wasn’t listening. I was done with this chinwag. He poked me in the chest with a harsh dose of reality. How could I subject her to my life? She was kind, peaceful and normal. I never even asked her if she wanted to be apart of it. I could continue to talk to her and just keep my distance. I loved talking to her. She was my friend and lover. Now she could just be my friend. I could learn to just be her friend. I could still communicate and keep her safely in her peaceful pocket in the world.
That would be best for her. I couldn’t blow up her life just because of my own selfish desires. This was a sacrifice I didn’t want to make but wasn’t it the gallant and righteous thing to do. When you loved someone didn’t you go out of your way to protect her? I protected Winston. He was like a brother to me. I failed at protecting my mum and my dad. I couldn’t in good faith drag the woman I loved into this unbridled circus that was my life.
I didn’t have much to pack. I had my guitars, my clothes and a few pairs of running shoes. I had folders full of new music and it was a must that I didn’t forget the music. I gathered my belongings. I was saddened by the revelation that Kat and my relationship weren’t going to go the way I dreamt. It wasn’t happy about this future without her. I was relieved to see Glynn pull up in a truck. I loaded all my gear into the truck while Glynn was settling up with the good doctor.
I’d said my goodbyes and I didn’t want to make an entire spectacle out of my departure.
Chapter 21
KATRINA
Arriving home was a gift and a curse. I never thought I could miss Galena. I missed Jagger already. I was depressed. I believe I did a good job of hiding it from my son. I was happy to see Jagger packed the guitar from Sweet Treats in the trunk of my car. He’d also written all these little love notes in my luggage. It was thoughtful. Unzipping a pocket and finding a note made my heart skip beats. It also made me keep extra batteries on hand for my vibrator.
Jagger was here in spirit. I would get a few texts every day and a phone call every other day. There were days he called multiple times. There was even some day I got FaceTime calls. After an entire month apart, he didn’t stop talking to me. I really thought he was going to just cut off all communication. He said we were going to stay in touch but I didn’t believe him.
Jagger was this exciting memory I had. I thought he would just stay that way. It felt like I was in a long-distance relationship but we never defined anything out loud. Back in Galena, we were exclusive. Now that wasn’t even a possibility. I was sure he was out doing him. I was too old to be stupid. A guy his age with his sexual appetite had to have a few young women satisfying his needs.
I didn’t want to know things that would make me feel jealous. Talking to him made me feel like we’d never left Galena. Hearing him play his music for me made me feel special. When he sent me unfinished tracks and asked my opinion I felt like his friend. He trusted me with his unreleased tracks and it made me value the one on one time I’d spent with him. I was still in love with him and I undoubtedly wanted the feeling to fade away. We were no longer lovers. We were long-distance friends and I was okay with the demotion. I thought he was going to disappear altogether. Maybe one day he would stop calling and texting but now he was still brightening my life with his music, his sense of humor and his optimism for the future.
I smiled so much when I got a text I had to tell my son I’d met someone while I was in Galena. Aaron just looked at me like I was crazy. He’d never seen me smiling for no reason. There was a reason, a really good reason.
Aaron had hot gossip from his father’s house. I listened to it but I didn’t care. Good sex with a man half my age made me say— Erik who? Apparently Erik’s current girlfriend LaTasha found out he had a three-year-old daughter with the other chick named Stephanie. That news had me a little messed up when I first heard it but now I could care less. Like these young folks were saying, zero fucks given.
Kennedy came home for a weekend with a lot of dirty clothes. I washed all her stuff and neatly folded it. I went to the grocery store and packed her a lot of food to take back to her UIC apartment with her. I tried to pry into her love life and she said she didn’t have time for fuckboys. I’m sure she was right
