He removed his hand from my mouth and just stared down at me. I took a few deep and meaningful breaths. I needed them.
“Tanya, I’m sorry.” He might as well been speaking Mandarin because his words meant nothing to me. “Please listen to me. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“Leaving you. I’m sorry.”
My eyes rolled. He just didn’t see it because it happened in my mind. “I accept your apology. Can you get the fuck off of me?” I hoped my monotone request would be enough for him to get off my body and out of my apartment.
“Tanya, I love you.” He only loved himself, but I was going to get into the particulars of his little confession. The first and the only time he confessed love was one month into us seeing each other. At the time I believed him, even though it was during sex. Then his janky clown ass vanished like a quarter in a kid’s ear. All I wanted to do was abracadabra his ass out of my apartment.
“I missed you.” I missed him too, but there was no way I would ever admit it. “Did you miss me?”
“No, not really.” I lied, but I was doing what men had done to me so many times in the past, present and probably future.
“I don’t care. I missed you. I missed kissing your lips, sucking your nipples, fucking your wet, tight pussy.”
He’d said a mouthful. I didn’t have any smart aleck comment, but I was thinking of something when his lips came crushing down on mine.
Fuck no! I bit him. He quickly pulled away. I smiled inside. My enteral glee was halted when he put his hand around my neck. He didn’t squeeze, but I knew it was inevitable.
“You bit me.”
I couldn’t deny it. Oops didn’t seem like an appropriate response, so I just closed my mouth and my eyes.
“Brandon, what do you want?”
“I want to explain.”
“I don’t care.”
“I have to explain what happened.”
“Fine, fuck it. Get off of me and tell me what happened to you.”
I must have said the magic words because he climbed off of me and sat at the foot of the bed. I sat up and climbed off the bed. I wish I had my chair to sit in, but Mark had already moved it into his house.
I crossed my arms under my chest and leaned against the wall. I hoped his little explanation would not take all day. I told Mark I was coming by later with some more of my things.
“Brandon, speak, I have things to do.”
“Are you moving?”
It sure looked that way. Was he just now noticing my bedroom was in complete disarray?
“Yes, I am.”
“Where are you going?”
I wanted to say Phoenix, Arizona, but I didn’t. I just had the urge to lie for no reason at all. “Doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
“Please man. I really have somewhere to be.”
“I didn’t want to disappear.”
“Yeah, yeah, you were kidnapped by a Columbian drug cartel. That’s why you couldn’t answer your phone.”
“I didn’t respond to your texts and calls because I was going through some tough shit and I wasn’t dealing with it very well.”
“Really?” Sarcasm spewed from my lips because I was Black. Poor baby, what White man privilege problems had poor Brandon Cahill gone through?
“Just promise you will hear me out.”
“I’m listening.”
“I left your place that night and a got a call from my mother. I drove to Kenosha. My father had a heart attack. She was trying to get ahold of me. I was here and then I drove there. I met my mother at the hospital, and that’s when things got worse. He survived the heart attack only to be diagnosed with stage four cancer.”
“I’m sorry to hear this.” I was sorry about his dad but a quick text message saying my dad’s in the hospital, I will hit you later, would’ve worked for me.
“I wasn’t able to handle this. My father hid his cancer from us. They gave him one month left to live. He died three weeks later.”
“Why didn’t you say something to me?”
“I don’t deal with things. I shut down. I isolate myself. I just couldn’t deal. I wanted to call you, but if I told you, that would make it real. I needed to focus all my attention on my mother. She was falling apart.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you, but this is the second time a man ghosted me. You thought so little of me that a text wasn’t something you even wanted to answer. At first, I thought something happened to you. We were in a relationship, so I don’t understand why putting my mind at ease just wasn’t a priority for you. I don’t understand that part of it.”
“I’m not making excuses for my behavior but running away when shit is effecting me is something I do. I didn’t just stop talking to you. I stopped talking to everyone. I took a leave from my job. I’ve always done this. I admit it’s wrong. It’s the wrong to do deal but its how I deal. I’m sorry I hurt you. I was just focused on my family’s shit and I just couldn’t add anything else to it.”
“You mean anyone else.”
“I miss you. I miss us. I want you to give me another chance.”
“Ah, Brandon—”
“Before you say no, please just think about it. I can make it up to you if you just give me the chance. I love you. I hated being away from you. After the funeral I knew I fucked up and I was going to try to fix it wit you.”
Brandon stood and walked over to me. “Please Tanya, just talk to me.”
“I’m talking to you now. You can’t
