“I wish that was true.”
I squeeze his hand more firmly this time, doing my best to really underscore my point and lend him some of the assurance and belief he so desperately needs.
“It very true, Sawyer. I believe it with all my heart. And for what it’s worth, the fact that you’re so self-aware is a good thing,” I offer. “I think it’ll help you be a better – a great father. But the one thing that guarantees you’ll be a good father is that you’re a good man, Sawyer. You’ve got a good heart.”
He gives me a small smile, wearing an expression on his face like he doesn’t quite believe me.
“I mean it, Sawyer,” I press. “You’re going to be a great father. I mean – if you’re really sure you want to be.”
He gives me a long, even look, a warmth spreading across his face that makes my heart swell.
“I do, Berlin,” he tells me. “I truly do.”
He raises my hand and gently kisses the back of my knuckles, a sweet smile on his face. And though he looks more confident and surer about his path moving forward, I can still see a sliver of doubt in his eyes – but just a sliver.
“Do you really think I’ll be a good father?”
“I know you will be,” I smile. “Of course, you won’t be a better parent than I’ll be, but that’s just because anything you can do, I can do better.”
His laughter is a low, slow roll of thunder that reverberates through every last corner of my soul. It’s warm and comforting and fills my heart with a bright, white, light. Sawyer looks deep into my eyes, holding my gaze firmly. He squeezes my hand.
“I love you, Berlin.”
My smile is so wide; it hurts my face. “I love you too.”
Chapter Thirty-Four Sawyer
I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling a screamer of a headache coming on – a full blown sit-in and protest at one of my properties tends to do that. As I consider Rider’s words, I find my mind wandering back to the Catskills and that perfect weekend Berlin, and I shared. I try to channel the good feelings the memories of that weekend engender to stave off the irritation flaring within me.
“What do they want?” I ask.
Rider chuckles ruefully. “Other than for us to not knock down their building?”
“It’s not their building,” I grumble. “I bought it and have followed every law and regulation to the letter. Their time is up.”
Rider clears his throat. “I’m assuming they heard about what went down at the Atwell. I haven’t confirmed it yet, but I heard they are looking to petition the borough board for a delay if not an outright quashing of the permits.”
I slam my fist down on my desk, my frustration boiling over. “Son of a bitch,” I grunt. “This is why I don’t feed stray cats – not only do they keep coming back, soon enough you’re going to be feeding the whole goddamn neighborhood.”
He grins. “No good deed goes unpunished, huh?”
I glare at Rider. “Do you think this is funny?”
His smile quickly fades. “No, not at all,” he replies. “I was just –”
He bites off his words and looks away as if considering his next words very carefully. And if there’s one thing I despise, it’s being managed – Berlin and I are a lot alike in that way.
“Spit it out,” I order him. “What is on your mind?”
He shrugs. “Nothing I can say with any certainty.”
“Then spill it.”
He fidgets in his seat, still won’t meet my eyes, and looks distinctly uncomfortable. He still looks like he’s trying to find the right words to say whatever it is he’s struggling to get out – in other words, he’s still trying to manage me.
“Rider –”
My voice snaps him out of it. He looks at me, a small frown on his lips. “Like I said, it’s nothing I can say with any certainty…”
“But? You obviously have a thought about something.”
He nods slowly. “The deal at the Jackson got me thinking about how everything shook out at the Atwell.”
“How so?”
He finally raises his eyes to me. “These aren’t legally sophisticated people, Sawyer – the residents down at the Jackson. These are garden variety blue-collar types.”
“Okay, but what’s your point?”
“It just made me wonder if they were getting some – help,” he says, his voice growing quiet.
“You mean Berlin.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know for sure, but the tactics – hell, the language they’re using – all sounds really familiar,” he points out. “And she hasn’t come in yet today.”
“She hasn’t?”
“Not that I know of,” he responds.
A greasy feeling starts to churn in my stomach as a cold certainty that she’s mixed up in this takes hold of me.
“She’s been helping you with things over in legal, right?” I ask.
Rider nods. “Yeah, she’s picked up on contractual language a lot quicker than –”
“Did she see the file on the Jackson project?”
He pauses to think and then slowly shakes his head. “I honestly don’t know,” he admits. “I mean, I wasn’t keeping anything from her or hiding it. I didn’t think I had to. But I guess she could have stumbled onto it and maybe lit that fuse.”
“Shit,” I mutter. “Let me get her in here.”
* * *
“Before you start giving me shit, let me remind you that you never asked me to curtail my advocacy work,” she says.
“I didn’t think I had to,” I spit. “I thought it was just assumed.”
“Assumed?” she gasps. “Did you really think just because I’m earning a paycheck from you, I’d abandon the people who need my help?”
I lean back in my chair and let out a long breath. I’m doing my best to keep my temper in check, but she’s really trying my patience right now. I gave her a pass on the Atwell and worked with her – I was doing my best to make her happy because I respect and
