“Thus making her kicking your ass all the more impressive.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, fine. Whatever,” I snap. “She kicked my ass. Happy?”
“Yeah, I think so,” Haley smiles. “And you know I’m screwing with you. I was pleasantly surprised you called off the dogs. Showed me that maybe you do have a heart – small, blackened, and charred though it might be.”
“You never let up, do you?”
“In my line of work, I can’t,” she responds. “Girl’s gotta keep her guard up around wolves like you.”
We walk on in silence for a few minutes. I’m starting to have my first doubts about Haley and this whole arrangement. She seems more interested in insulting and sticking it to me than in anything else. It’s downright annoying, and I’m on the verge of calling this whole thing off. It almost reminds me of – well, of Berlin. And that only annoys me further.
As if she can feel me bristling, Haley stops and turns to me. I follow suit.
“Listen, I’m just busting your balls,” she admits. “I’m just messing with you, and I don’t mean anything by it.”
“Yeah well, you should know that you’re really pissing me off.”
“Jeez. And you say Berlin’s the hothead,” she laughs softly and then raises her hand in surrender. “I’m sorry. I was surprised that you called me, but I’m grateful. I think you and I can do some terrific things together.”
“That was my hope originally,” I reply. “You and Berlin are a lot alike. It’s what drew me to you in the first place.”
“Was your hope? Past tense?”
“If this is going to happen, I’m not going to be your punching bag,” I insist. “I don’t have to do this, you know. I’m doing this because I want to – not because I’m required to.”
She takes a deep breath. “Look, I’m only saying this because Berlin probably can’t. She’s too close to you. It’s the right thing to do, you know it’s the right thing to do, and if anything, you’d be an even bigger asshole for suddenly withholding this new project just for your pride.”
“Haley, I –”
“Not gonna tell you how to live your life, Sawyer. I want this to happen. I really do. But it’s important that you know the score here. You don’t get to hold it over our heads like a carrot so you can play the kind, generous hero. Either you do the right thing, or you don’t. And that’s your decision to make.”
I let out a long breath and look across the street, watching the people bustling about despite the light drizzle falling on their heads. It reminds me of the people standing outside the Jackson through the rain, snow, and cold. All for something they believe in.
And as I recall Martha and Julio – and all the others – I know there’s no way in hell I can go back on what I’m thinking about doing. Meeting them and listening to their stories, puts a human face to them now. I can’t just turn them out into the cold any more than I could turn out my own family.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to be a convenient target for Haley’s ridicule and scorn.
“Fine. But I’m not going to take any shit from you.”
“Fair enough. And I’m sorry. I really was just pushing your buttons.”
She stares at me for a long moment as if she’s expecting me to deliver the punchline. But when I don’t, we turn and continue walking. The silence between us is companionable, and the tension that had been radiating through me a moment ago begins to dissipate.
“She loves you,” Haley remarks. “You know that right?”
“I have a feeling she’s reconsidering that right about now.”
“She’s not. That wasn’t really anger back there,” she goes on. “That was hurt. Pain. She was lashing out because her heart was breaking.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I remain silent. I know what she was thinking – know what she thinks is happening between Haley and I. But in typical Berlin fashion, she reacted before gathering the facts.
“I honestly don’t know that we’re compatible,” I say softly. “We’re so different in so many ways. Important ways.”
“Something you have to understand is that when Berlin feels like she’s been backed into a corner, she fights,” Haley says. “It’s how she grew up, and it’s what she knows. It’s all she knows.”
“And what makes you such an expert?”
“Because like you said, she and I are a lot alike,” Haley shrugs. “Our stories are very similar. In fact, they’re almost carbon copies of each other.”
I admit to not knowing Haley’s backstory. I know nothing about her other than what she does. For whatever reason, I thought she grew up in a wealthy family, so to hear that she and Berlin have similar origin stories is surprising to me. Though I guess maybe it shouldn’t be. I have to believe it’s what fuels her passion – just like it fuels Berlin’s.
“Your girl is always going to view herself as the underdog. She’s always going to believe that the deck is stacked against her,” Haley explains. “It’s what makes her so effective as a lawyer and an advocate.”
“And it’s also what leads to all of our fighting.”
“Well, that’s something you two are going to have to work out on your own,” she responds. “I’m just telling you how she thinks so you can better understand her.”
“What else?” I press. “What else can you tell me?”
“Well, obviously I can’t say definitively since everybody’s different, but I can give you my opinion. Call it an educated guess.”
“That’s fair.”
We stop at a small bench outside a pastry shop and sit down. Haley takes a drink of her coffee, looking off into the distance as if she’s taking a minute to organize her thoughts. I’m sure this is a direction she didn’t anticipate today’s conversation
