He obviously didn’t know Rowan like I do. “It’s fine. I’m a big girl. I’ve lived with it for this long. I only have a few more days here, and then honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.” I know the words are a lie as soon as they leave my mouth. One because we are practically family now, and two, I know I can’t go the rest of my life without seeing him.
It’s just the sad truth.
“Well, I hope you don’t feel the same way about me. I know I haven’t seen you since we graduated, but I’d love to see you again. Just as friends. Maybe I can come see you and Blaire in New York? Is she still rocking out at concerts doing the—what’s it called—the wall of death?”
I sputter laughing, the sound so loud that it carries through the quiet surroundings, bouncing off the trees. “Yes! She is a madwoman. I go to concerts with her sometimes, and she is in the mosh-pit, or crowd surfing, or the wall of death. Why anyone would do that is beyond me. She came home with a bloody nose and a black eye one time, and her exact words were, “‘That was the sickest show I had ever been to.’”
“The little maniac,” he laughs. “I always liked that about her. She never cares what other people think and just lives how she wants to live.”
“Yeah, I envy her for it. She’s always been really amazing at living unapologetically. And we would be happy to have you visit. We live in a shoebox apartment, and sometimes it smells like the pizzeria two buildings down, but if you can deal with that, the couch is yours.”
“I love pizza, so it’s perfect.”
“I used to love pizza too. Until I had to smell it every day. Now I get sick when it wafts by. Too much of a good thing, you know?”
Phillip unlocks his car and opens the door, pausing before he gets in. “There’s never too much of a good thing. And if you’re wondering how something can be so good all the time, it’s just cause it’s that—it’s good. Take a note from Blaire’s book. It was good seeing you; I’ll keep in touch. I gotta go see my dad.”
His words hit me dead in the chest, taking the air right from my lungs. His dad. His dad who went to prison when Phillip and I were in high school for murdering his mom and little sister. It’s something the entire town knows about but never speaks a word about it.
“Oh my god, Phillip.” I run up to him and give him another hug. “Text me later, let me know how it goes, and maybe we can meet for coffee tomorrow?”
Phillips smile is sad, and that’s when I see the loneliness shine through his sapphire eyes. I’m not sure why he is going to see his dad. As far as I knew, he had stopped caring for his dad the moment his father was sentenced to the death penalty. “I’d really like that, thanks.”
He ducks himself into the car and pulls out of the driveway. I wave to him as he looks in the rear-view mirror. My heart goes out to him. I don’t know what he is going through, I can’t even compare, but I’d be happy to be there for him. And it feels good to have a friend here. I was starting to feel trapped.
My phone dings, and when I pull it out of my pocket, I smile when I see Phillip’s name. “I think your hair looks great by the way.”
“Thank you,” I text back. “And drive safe.”
“Will do.”
I stuff my phone in my back pocket and make my way inside. When I open the door, I ready myself for a fight, but the lobby is empty. The house is quiet. Too quiet. And I feel a storm brewing. The air is charged with anger. It’s so heavy, the hair on my arms stand up. I hurry up the steps, hoping to miss the fury and verbal storm from Rowan, but no such luck.
There he is.
Standing by my bedroom door.
Chapter 7 Rowan
Everly sighs and charges forward, reaching for her door handle. “Can you wait to use me as a punching bag tomorrow? I’m not really in the mood, Rowan.”
“Well, that’s too bad, Everly. I wasn’t in the mood when you left me high and dry and ditched me for two years. I just want to know something.”
“What?” she asks, not turning to look at me. I keep my eyes drilled on her back, my body shaking. We aren’t touching, but the familiar surge of energy starts to course through my body. It’s the same every time she is close to me. It always has been. It’s like we are magnets, trying to stick together, but we are fighting the natural pull.
“What’s he have, that I didn’t?” My voice breaks a little, right at the end, and I hang my head low.
She doesn’t say anything, just covers her mouth with her hand, muffling the loud sobs as her tears break free.
“I need to know what made me lose my best friend, Everly. I need to know why I wasn’t good enough.”
Seeing her with Phillip broke something inside of me. It’s why I’m standing in front of her, asking her to just tell me what I did. It’s one thing to lose someone, but losing my best friend and my lover, it changed something inside of me forever. It’s like a part of me is lost without her, and I have no idea how to find it.
She sniffles and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. She tilts her head up but doesn’t look back. Her eyes remain locked on the wooden door. “Phillip is no one, Rowan. He
