“Married,” she says with a little disdain. It makes me takes a step back.
I start to feel defensive. She said she wanted this, what changed? “We talked about it, Everly. We said we were going to do this because of the inheritance and the estate. We didn’t want it going to my Uncle Roy, remember? The drunk asshole who is always in and out of jail? I still don’t understand why our parents wouldn’t donate the money; but give it to him? Over my dead body.”
“I at least wanted to remember it,” she says, staring at the diamond on her finger. “But I can’t even remember buying this, and it is so beautiful. I can’t remember when you said, ‘I do’. I can’t remember anything.”
“What do you want me to do?” I ask, tucking the towel a little more so it doesn’t fall off. My patience is wearing thin. Is this what happens when people get married? The excitement, the love, the no second-guessing, is just gone?
“I don’t know, Rowan. I understand why we got married. I just wish I could remember it, even if we were drunk, I wanted pictures. I wanted more. I just thought I’d at least have pictures. I mean, do we even have a wedding certificate?”
“I don’t know, Everly. I woke up thinking I married someone else because I couldn’t remember! What makes you think I know if we have a wedding certificate?”
The look she has on her face, you would think I slapped her. “You thought you married someone else? Would you have been okay with it since technically you could have married someone else? Anyone else?” she snaps.
“Of course, I wouldn’t have been okay with it, Everly. I wanted it to be you. But I woke up, not remembering a thing, like you. I freaked out. Would it be beneficial? Yes, from a business standpoint, it would have been a good move. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have chosen a hooker or anything. Then I can just get it annulled.” I wonder if Everly wants to get the marriage annulled.
She shakes her head, “Is everything business with you, Rowan? Why can’t you look at this from one perspective?”
“One? There are a few to go off here, Everly. If it wasn’t for the inheritance, what do you think we would have done? What if we woke up, without the inheritance question hanging over us, and we were married?”
“I don’t know, Rowan,” she raises her voice through the thick of tears she has raining down her face. “I wanted more than this though.” She waves a finger around the room. “I don’t give a crap that you’re a billionaire, Ro. I don’t care about this ring. But I have nothing to remember it by. Except you saying this is a business transaction.”
“Hey, whoa. You will never be a business transaction. There is business involved, but you’ve been my number one for years, Everly. You knew about the inheritance. You agreed.”
“I hadn’t remembered!” she screamed, eyes widening from spilling her deep dark secret.
I don’t say anything for a moment. I tilt my head and click my tongue. “What do you mean? We talked about it in the shower.”
“When the memories came rushing back, I didn’t know what to say. I knew it was what we needed to do, but I couldn’t. I had so many doubts, not from me, but thinking of you and if this was all real or if it was happening too fast.”
“Oh, it is happening too fast. This is on warp-speed, Everly. There is no coming down from it. That is what we are. A huge rollercoaster ride that seems to go up and down, up and down. You know what you could have done, again, that you didn’t do? Tell the truth. How hard is it for you to just tell me what is going on in your mind?”
“I am. I’m telling you now, Rowan. Wait, hold on. I don’t regret this. Don’t think that. This isn’t like before. This is me freaking out because I’ve dreamed of marrying you since I was a little girl, and I can’t remember anything! This? This big, fancy ring? I don’t want it if I can’t remember you putting it on my finger. I don’t want it if I can’t remember looking into your eyes and telling you, ‘I do’ because that’s what I dreamed about. I didn’t dream about a one and done, send it to the lawyer, get the inheritance, and call it a day. I didn’t want that. Hell, we had two weeks, we could have used that time to really get to know each other more. To—”
“Get to know each other more? Do you hear yourself? What else is there to know? We’ve known each other for twenty years! You haven’t changed. You’re still the girl that fears commitment. You hate laying on your left side, so when you sleep on your right, you snore. You hate ketchup and love tomatoes. You love staying up late, even if you fall asleep at eleven. You’re stubborn. So stubborn. You fold your shirts inside out, and it drives me fucking crazy. You leave the cap off the toothpaste, and you drink your coffee every morning, two sugars, one cream, but your one cream is really like seven creams. And I love it. And you’re still the girl that likes to run from me when things get hard. Why?”
She shakes her head, wrapping her arms around herself. “Because I know you will wake up one day and realize I’m not worthy of your love. I’m afraid you won’t ever forgive me for what I did all those years ago. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to live with waking up every day wondering if it will be the day that you end things.”
I sigh, leaning my head against the wall. We are going in circles.
