I haven't called either. Even though I've been tempted to do a few times, I don't want to intrude. His family needs his full attention. So despite the fact that I badly want to check up on him, to see how Aria's doing, to know if they need any help, I've stopped myself. But more than the privacy issue, I'm worried he'll turn me away when I try.
There's that nagging sense that, for some unknown reason, he's shutting me out. That he's erecting a wall between us. A wall that'll be hard, if not impossible, for me to go through. And that's what scares me.
Still, I keep that thought to myself, hoping it's just my insecurities talking. That there's really nothing to be worried about.
But then a couple more days pass and Parker still hasn't come to school. He's still nowhere to be found. And I haven't heard once from him since the hospital—not even a single text.
Aria is also absent, but that's understandable, considering what she's gone through. The incident already made the rounds in school and everyone's talking about it. I haven't seen Michael Payne, but I'm glad to hear he's been expelled and subsequently arrested by the police.
For a moment, I'm worried that Parker and the guys still went through with what Giovanni suggested. But when I seek Giovanni out, he says Parker ultimately decided against it. That gives me immense relief. Getting in trouble is the last thing Parker needs right now.
But I can't stand the radio silence any longer. So when my last class ends, I drive over to Parker's house instead of going home. I'm determined to see him even though my stomach is knotted with apprehension.
I don't know what kind of reaction I'll get from him, if he's going to be happy to have me there or not. He didn't need me at the hospital, but I'm hoping now he does, and he's just waiting for me to appear at his doorstep.
I really, really hope he wants to see me.
How many times are you going to keep telling yourself that?
Until I start believing it.
Pulling up in front of the Holloways' sprawling house, I let out a nervous breath, fighting the urge to turn my Audi around and do this another day. Why does this suspiciously feel like the time I rushed over to confront Parker about his feelings for me? Just like that day, I'm anxious about what's going to come out of this.
Walking up the front steps, I'm about to ring the doorbell when the door swings open and someone steps out.
"Parker," I say.
"Sawyer." Stark longing flickers across his eyes when he sees me, but then it's gone in the next second. His face has turned into an impenetrable mask. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?" An incredulous laugh bubbles out of me. "I haven't seen my boyfriend in days. Isn't that enough reason for me to be here?"
He wrenches his gaze away, remorse filling his features.
A bad feeling churns in the pit of my stomach, but I soldier on. "You've been absent from school for three days, and I was waiting to hear from you. Why didn't you even call?"
His eyes drift back to mine, but he remains silent.
Please, give me something. Anything.
I force a smile. "How's your sister? Is she already discharged from the hospital?"
"Yes. She's already home. She just stayed there for a night."
"That's good to know," I say.
Silence trickles by, awkward and heavy as it hangs in the air, stretching the distance between us.
How did we come to this? Just a few days ago, we were in a happy place. But now...It feels like everything is crumbling around us. He's slipping through my fingers, and I'm powerless to stop it.
"Aren't you even going to ask me to come in?" I croak.
His throat bobs as he swallows. "Sawyer, we need to talk."
Sawyer, not Peaches. And there's not even an ounce of warmth in his voice.
The bad feeling inside me grows, making my pulse race, my breathing ragged. "Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like what you have to say?"
Why do I have a feeling you're going to break my heart?
"Fuck." He screws his eyes shut, his jaw clenching like there's a struggle inside of him.
"Don't," I whisper. "Whatever you're thinking, don't say it. I don't want to hear it."
"Peaches," he says gruffly.
Tears pool in my eyes, but I hold them back. "You need time for your family, right? Then I'll give you time, however long it takes. I know you need to focus on them. They need you right now, I understand that. I'm not going to get in the way of that. But don't shut me out, okay? I want to be there for you." When he doesn't say anything else, just continues to stare at me with a pained look on his face, my heart squeezes tight in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
"You know where to find me." I swallow hard, drawing courage, then, "I love you." Leaning up on my toes, I press a soft kiss on his lips and walk back to my car, not giving him time to react.
It'll be okay. We'll be okay.
We have to be.
*******
"Sawyer, you have a visitor," Mildred announces from the doorway of my room, striding off before I can even ask who the visitor is.
I sit up on my bed in the next second, turning off the latest Katy Perry song blasting through my bluetooth speaker.
Is she talking about Parker? Is he downstairs? When I left his house this afternoon, I didn't expect him to seek me out so soon—even though I confessed my love for him. In fact, I thought he'd…
Oh, why am I overthinking this? He's here. He came to see me. And that's what matters.
We're going to be okay.
Heart pounding hard in
