Guilt.
Torment.
Regret.
That's when it hits me. This is not about Liam. Liam just happened to provide the excuse he needed. Because he's not here to be with me.
I hug my middle, drawing comfort within myself. "You didn't come here to make things right, did you? Why are you really here, Parker?"
He opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it again, a deep crease forming between his eyebrows, his eyes downcast as if to avoid mine.
Pain, hot and sharp, plunges through my chest, piercing my heart. The heart I know he's going to break with his next words.
"Sawyer, I…" His Adam's apple bobs in his throat. "I don't think I can do this anymore."
I suck in a sharp breath. I already knew what he was going to say, but it didn't dull the effect. It didn't soften the blow one bit. His words are like blades pricking my skin, burrowing deeply and spreading over my body. Getting stabbed with a knife would've been less painful.
Tears well up in my eyes, but I refuse to hold them back this time. I let them fall. I let him see the hurt.
Parker steps forward, as if he can't help himself, as if he wants to physically ease the pain he himself caused. But he balls his fists at his sides and stops, raw anguish arresting his features, as if it's killing him to say those words.
But what about me? What about what I feel?
I stare at him through blurred vision, letting out a hollow laugh. "Funny. That's not what I expected you to say when I told you I love you. Or didn't you hear it? Do you want me to say it again, Parker? Well, here it is. I—"
"Peaches, stop."
"No," I say in a harsh voice. "Don't call me that. You don't get to break my heart and call me that."
"I know." He hangs his head in shame, but then raises his eyes back up, firm resolve shining in them, his expression closing down. There's no changing his mind. He already made his decision. "But I have to do this. I can't be the guy you need right now." He swallows hard. "I tried and I failed."
My eyes flare with anger. "Do you even listen to yourself? You are so full of crap. Did you even think this through? Or did you make the stupid decision just an hour ago?"
Parker shakes his head. "You don't understand."
"Oh, trust me, I do. You're pushing me away, putting up a wall between us. Because it's convenient. Because you think it's the right thing to do. I don't know if you're trying to be noble or just a damn martyr. You'd rather be miserable than share your burden with me. You don't even want to try to make it work. When things get rough, instead of soldiering on, you run and give up. You're a coward, Parker."
The look on his face tells me I hit a nerve. "Sawyer, please—"
"You should go," I interrupt him coldly, wiping the tears on my face.
His nostrils flare, conflicting emotions passing through his features. I can tell he wants to say something, but what?
He already crushed my heart. And I already said my piece. What else is there to say?
Maybe he wants to take back the words he said. Maybe he finally realized he's making a mistake. Maybe—
"I'm sorry." Parker slumps his shoulders, and just like that, the last hope in my chest obliterates.
A bitter smile curves my lips as hot tears stream down my cheeks. "Yeah, me too." Without another word, I turn on my heels and head back inside my house, leaving him with my heart crushed in pieces under his feet.
CHAPTER 34
Sawyer
"He took your virginity and then dumped you? Wow, who would have thought that Parker Holloway was a special kind of asshole?"
"Don't be harsh on the guy, Quinn. I'm sure he's just stressed out with what happened to his sister. He's probably not thinking straight and—who knows—he'll change his mind in a few days."
"Damn right he's not thinking straight. He's being a complete idiot."
I tune out the argument between Quinn and Brayden, numbly staring at the ceiling of my bedroom like it contains all the answers. But then, this is all I've been doing for three straight days. I haven't left the house. I didn't go to school. I couldn't even muster the energy to get out of bed. If Mildred hadn't been bringing food in my room, I wouldn't have eaten anything.
Dad has been worried, so he took it upon himself to call my best friends and ask them to come over—at least that's what I heard him tell Mildred when he came in to check on me. He probably thought they could cheer me up.
But no amount of cheering has helped. Nothing can uplift my mood. It's still as black as it's been the night Parker broke up with me. I'm no longer crying buckets of tears, but I don't feel any better.
It still feels like my heart is being crushed into pieces, and I can't help but replay his words in my mind over and over.
"I don't think I can do this anymore."
He's so full of crap. But it doesn't matter what I think. It won't change the fact that he refuses to be with me. I tried reassuring him that I wouldn't get in the way of his obligations. That I'd just be there to help in case he needed me. But he didn't listen.
If it was any other guy, I'd think that he was just playing me. That he'd broken up with me because he already got what he wanted.
But Parker isn't any guy. I know him just as I know that he truly believes he did the right thing. He thought it'd be good for everyone.
He'd rather be miserable than be with me.
Quinn's right. He's an idiot.
I abruptly sit up, startling Quinn and Brayden.
"Please tell me you're thinking of kicking Parker's ass. We'll be so on
