She’d been cruel the last twenty-four hours and she didn’t like it. As if her personal pain meant she was somehow given a pass for being mean to other people. She didn’t know why she was being like that.
Except that her heart had been a mess for the past few months. All the change. All the...moving on.
But it wasn’t an excuse.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said.
“It does. I should never have taken something that... You do understand. You understand exactly what I’ve been through. And even more, and different because the two of you...because she was your whole family. You lost your whole family.” She felt tears pushing against her eyes and she blinked them back. She didn’t cry. And she certainly didn’t deserve to cry now. She’d hurt Logan. She couldn’t make it about her own pain. “To take something that personal to both of us and use it just because I was mad was borderline unforgivable.”
“We’ve known each other too long to be doing unforgivable things to each other,” Logan said. “I think it’s all forgivable at this point. Don’t worry about it.”
When they arrived at the pasture, the cows were milling about and the sun was coming up over the mountains. Then it was time to work. It was a small group of cattle, so it didn’t take a whole lot of manpower to drive them a quarter of the way across the ranch. But it did burn off the cold.
What it didn’t do was distract her enough to make her quit looking at Logan. It was like driving by the scene of a car accident. Knowing that you shouldn’t indulge yourself, the very worst part of you, and look at potential horror and tragedy, but too curious to stop yourself.
That part of her kept on looking at him. To see if it was any different to watch him drive cattle now than it had been before last night.
But it was different. When he eased that horse into a gallop, urging him on as they dogged those cows, keeping them in formation. The way his strong thighs held him in the saddle, the way every muscle in his body worked together as one... It was captivating.
And it was annoying the hell out of her.
And he wasn’t going to say anything. Not about any of it. She’d felt bad, genuinely awful, for some of what she’d done yesterday.
But he’d touched her.
And he’d changed something. And he was acting like he hadn’t.
When they finished, she was sweaty under her coat and her face was freezing cold.
They dismounted, and Logan let out a hard breath. She could see it in the air. “It is just not warming up today,” he said.
“Fine by me,” she said, defiantly wiping at her runny nose, refusing to behave any differently just because everything inside of her felt different.
“You look grumpy, Rosie,” he said.
That caused her to scowl deeply. “I’m not grumpy.”
“You look grumpy.”
“Well, you don’t know everything, Logan. Not even a little bit.”
“I think you need to get some lunch, so that you quit being such a crab.”
“I’m not a crab,” she muttered, making her way toward the house.
Logan followed. And when she got inside it became clear that none of the...stuff between them was going to be defused by the presence of anyone else. Because nobody else was home. All the good it did her to live in a house full of people if none of them could show up when she needed them.
She stopped into the kitchen and jerked the fridge open, digging around for leftovers. She found a container full of the stew they’d had the other night. She got it out, and ignored the sound of Logan shuffling around in the fridge behind her.
“Is there enough stew for—”
“No,” she said, cutting him off. “I’m hungry.”
“That’s not very nice.”
“Maybe I’m not very nice.”
She let the rest of the unspoken words in that sentence remain unspoken. And she waited yet again for him to acknowledge her feelings. Her feelings which were his fault. That she kept noticing his shoulders, his thighs, his hands.
He didn’t.
She fulminated while she heated the stew. Then she looked up, and their eyes met. It was there. She could see it. Reflected back at her as if he had spoken. He wasn’t oblivious. He was just pretending to be.
All of the things she thought he was ignoring...
Well, he was ignoring them. But he was doing it very deliberately.
She could sense it in the expression on his face, in the way he held himself.
She was desperate to figure out if he saw her differently, too. If today had been upside down for him. If it was something altogether new and wild. If maybe he wasn’t talking about it because it had rearranged something in him the way that it had with her.
But she was too afraid to ask. Because there was no... She didn’t even know what she would want if he said yes.
She didn’t know what this meant. This close study of him, and the way he looked at her. There was a question inside of her, and she had a feeling that he was the only one who knew the answer.
She also had a feeling he wasn’t going to give it.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she dug at it, pulling it out. She frowned, not recognizing the number. “Hello?”
“Hi, Rose,” came a somewhat familiar voice. “This is Elliott.”
“Oh,” she said. “Elliott.”
“I hope this isn’t a bad time.”
“No,” she said, getting a little bit of broth on her finger, and absently licking it. She looked over at Logan, who immediately looked the other direction. Her stomach clenched tight.
“The Christmas parade is coming up.”
“Oh,” she said. “I know all about that. I’m doing a booth. I mean, assuming I haven’t got myself removed from the position.”
“Oh. Right, because of Barbara.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Anyway. Yes, I know exactly when the Christmas parade is.”
“I know you’re going to be busy for part of it, but not the whole time,
