And that both cheered and terrified her in equal measure. Because if there was inevitability at play it meant that perhaps that feeling of not being enough, that feeling of being a burden, and needing to earn the affection of her family... Maybe that was wrong.
But on the other hand that might also mean that whatever was happening with Logan... Whatever it was now... She was never going to be able to control what it became.
Which seemed to be an annoying life lesson. That these kinds of truths could be blindingly freeing as revelations went, and utterly terrifying.
She separated from Logan and went over to Iris. “I’m really happy to hear that you want to open a bakery, and that you’re going to actually take steps to do it.”
“Thanks,” Iris said. “You know, I was mad at you. About the whole thing with Elliott. But the thing is... The problem is... Things like that are dependent on other people. There’s plenty in my power that I can do to change my life. And I’ve been happy. I haven’t wanted to change it until now.”
“You haven’t felt stuck?”
“No,” Iris said. “Why would I feel stuck?”
“You never even, like...went to any high school dances or anything. You were always taking care of me. And cooking for all of us.”
“I know,” Iris said. “And after losing our parents I couldn’t think of anything better than to be home surrounded by family. It didn’t make me sad.”
“Oh,” Rose said.
“I promise it didn’t,” Iris said. “Look at Pansy—she left, moved away from the ranch and got a job. Jake and Colt left. The three of us stayed. And Sammy. And Logan. We stayed because we chose to. And I imagine that when you’re ready to move on you’ll move on.”
Terror gripped Rose. Because she didn’t want to move on. She wanted to stay here and work this ranch. She wanted to work this ranch with Logan for the rest of her life.
She blinked.
Well. That was clarifying.
She had always wondered if there was something wrong with her because she hadn’t thought much about the future. Because she didn’t do a whole lot of dreaming. Because she might have felt compelled to set her sister up with someone, but she hadn’t wanted to do the same for herself.
It was because she was where she wanted to be. Next to the man she wanted to be beside.
She swallowed hard. “Good,” she said. “Good.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m just... I’m sorting some things out. I’m really sorry that I dragged you into me sorting things out.”
“You made a mistake. It’s not that big of a deal. You don’t have to keep punishing yourself for it.”
“Thank you,” she said. “And I meant what I said before. Whatever grunt work you need... For the bakery or for the wedding. I promise I’ll help.”
“Good.”
“I’m going to head out,” Logan said, moving over to where she was.
“I’ll walk you out,” she replied.
She thought that maybe her family would think it was strange, but they didn’t. Because only she and Logan were aware of the shift between them.
And anyway... She was starting to think she didn’t care. Because it all just felt...like it had always been there.
Inevitable.
She grabbed her coat and a hat, and Logan layered up too, and she walked outside with him.
“I’m glad you came,” he said. “Because I was going to find a way to get you to sneak out anyway.”
“Really?”
“Because I have your present. And I wanted to give it to you privately.”
“Oh,” she said, the breath escaping her body in one intense burst.
Logan didn’t give presents. Ever. He didn’t do any official Christmas things. And she hadn’t expected this at all.
He cleared his throat and reached into his jacket. The gift he pulled out was wrapped. “Did you do that yourself?”
“I did,” he said.
He’d wrapped a gift. For her. This man who didn’t do Christmas. It felt so much bigger than the beautiful little box in her hand.
She smiled. “What is it?”
“Come on. Don’t ask me that. That’s cliché. Open it.”
She did. And inside the wrapping paper was a slim white box. She opened it, and then frowned. Inside the box was a delicate gold chain. And on the chain was a charm.
She looked closely at it, examining it as best she could in the dim light. It was a cameo. White and light blue. She had never owned anything remotely like this. Nothing half so feminine or delicate or pretty.
“What is this?”
“It was... It was my mom’s,” he said. “And it’s just been sitting in a jewelry box for the last seventeen years with no one wearing it. I just... I was looking at it the other night, and I thought it would look good on you.”
She touched it, carefully, reverently. “It was your mom’s?”
And she knew then what she had to get him for Christmas. She’d considered it earlier, and she knew she had to do it now. Her throat went tight, her eyes filling with tears. She swallowed. “It’s beautiful,” she said. “And no one’s ever given me anything like this before.”
“I’ve never given anyone anything like it before. I...”
She loved him. She really did. She hadn’t even realized it, for all this time. All this time, when she had woken up in the morning, gone outside and worked next to the man she loved. All this time, when she had been in the place that made her happiest in the world, she had been with the person who seemed to be the person who made her happiest.
She had been living her dream.
And it was only now that it had shifted into place. That it had become everything. It was like she’d been looking at a view through a dirty window all of her life, thinking it was the whole view. Thinking she had seen so clearly. But now she did. Now she did.
Now she saw it all. And she couldn’t believe that she hadn’t realized all that she’d been missing before.
Like that girl who didn’t know
