Logan didn’t speak. He just stood there and listened to his friend as he pulled all these deep dark truths from the bottom of his scarred soul.
“Damn,” Ryder said. “All of this must be confronting for you. Because Hank Dalton didn’t know about you, so he didn’t reject you. So you could just wander over there and have a family if you felt like it. And I’m not going to condemn you, so you could just stay here. I’m not going to tell you to keep your hands off Rose, because if you could love her, if you could really be with her and give her everything that she deserved—and I believe that you could—then I have no issue with her being in a relationship with you. You’re my best friend, you idiot. My best friend in the whole damned world. Why wouldn’t I think you were good enough for my sister?”
“Aren’t you supposed to get all protective and say that I can’t have my dirty hands on her or something?”
“I never thought that my sister was going to stay a virgin for her entire life. Frankly, I’d rather her or Iris sleep with you than Johnny Khakis.”
“Well, that’s the damn truth.”
“But I’m not going to take the heat off you. And I think that’s what you want. I think you want me to tell you to walk away. But I’m not going to. Nobody’s telling you that.”
“Rose did. She said I couldn’t just break her heart and then stay.”
“Well, that’s her call. And your call if you want to listen.”
“I...”
“Nobody’s gonna give you what you want, jackass. All I’m going to do is tell you to get your shit together. You were friend enough to tell me that when I needed to hear it. I feel like I ought to tell you the same thing. But you should quit being in the way of your own happiness.”
“You make it sound like it’s simple. That it’s not just... I spent so long keeping everyone out I don’t know how to let them in.”
“No, the problem is I think you do. I think you don’t want to. Keep Hank and everybody else sectioned off into a part of your life you’re never going to go into. What did you tell my sister? That it was going to just be sex?”
“Basically,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Right. Like that was ever going to work. You were going to just sleep with my sister, and then go back to working with her like it was nothing? Watch her date other men? Marry another man?”
“That was the plan,” he said. “So maybe you want to get rid of me now. Because my plan was to take her virginity and then let her go.”
Ryder looked suddenly aggrieved. “I don’t know why everybody seems to think I need to know they took my sister’s virginity, but, you poor idiot. You got taken down by a virgin. And I don’t even feel bad for you. Again, not my problem to solve. This is between the two of you. I’m going to repeat my firm suggestion to you. Sort your shit out. Because if you don’t, you’re going to make my sister miserable. And the fact of the matter is at twenty-three she was able to sort it out. I think that you should be able to sort it out then, at your advanced age. I was able to sort it out. Sammy got it together. Pansy’s just fine. Why can’t you figure it out?”
“Because I...”
“Because you’re so uniquely broken? Join the damn club. I thought that was the entire point of this ranch. That we were broken, but we weren’t by ourselves. We might not have had everything, but we had enough here. And from one closed-off asshole to another, let me just tell you, when a good woman wants to love you, you just get down on your knees and thank God, thank her, and you don’t question it.”
“Glad that works for you. But I don’t think it’s going to work for me.”
“There been a whole lot about things in our life that we didn’t choose. You’re choosing this. And there’s no absolving yourself from it. So you just know that. You didn’t choose to have your mother die. You didn’t choose for Hank Dalton to be your daddy. But you’re choosing to be alone. You’re choosing to let this break you.”
“Are you going to buy me out or what?”
“If you want me to. I’m not going beg you to stay.” He rocked back on his heels. “Sounds to me like my sister might have already done that. And I don’t think you need two Daniels begging you for anything. But when you come back, and I think you will, because I think you’re going to realize that what you chose for yourself really sucked... I hope she makes you do some begging of your own.”
Then Ryder turned and left him, shutting the door quietly behind him.
And Logan realized that he wished his friend would’ve just punched him in the face. That he wished he would’ve ended it with fists.
Because that at least would’ve been... Well, it would’ve felt like something he deserved. Would’ve felt like no less than he had earned. But instead, all had been quiet. There had been no anger to offer Logan justification. There had been no recrimination. There was nothing to rail at except for...himself.
Yeah, he would’ve preferred a punch in the face over that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ROSE DIDN’T KNOW how she managed to get through Christmas without weeping. Nobody had asked her where Logan was, and she hadn’t said his name at all. But now she felt wretched, like a pathetic creature, ready to curl up in a ball and wail. She was avoiding her chores, because she didn’t want to run into Logan. And she knew she couldn’t do that.
