But that was gray. A dull existence with no Christmas decorations. When the alternative was a brightly lit tree and cookies from his childhood, a woman who had been putting bandages on his wounds for almost two decades. A woman whose love would be strong enough to heal all that burned inside of him now.
He had to find her. He had to find her and he had to tell her. He had to pray that it wasn’t too late.
Christmas might be over, but he needed a miracle.
He had stopped praying a long time ago. Because he had felt like God must not like him a whole lot. Must not really want to listen to him. But he prayed now. Because he needed hope. A hell of a lot of it. It was amazing how hope could change things. Amazing how love could.
And he was desperate now, for both.
He looked down at those flowers, sitting on the grave. That was like love. Love in the middle of a world that was filled with hurt. Filled with uncertainty.
Love.
He had never expected to go into a graveyard and come out more sure of love and life than he ever had been before.
And it occurred to him then that perhaps his mother wasn’t as gone as he’d been thinking.
Because she had still managed to teach him something, even now.
“Thank you,” he whispered into the air.
And when he walked back through the gates of the cemetery, he felt lighter than he had in years.
ROSE WAS BUCKING hay, but sadly. She hadn’t known it was possible to do that job with such low energy. But she was learning it was true. Here she was, trying to live her dream. Trying to find the same sort of magic in Hope Springs that she had always seen in it.
It wasn’t there, not now. And she was beginning to come to the conclusion that while you might be able to survive a broken heart, it was just going to hurt for a while. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to bounce back. She had always been that way. And some of it had been out of a desire to avoid being a burden to her family. But some of it was just that she didn’t like to feel bad.
Her conversation with Barbara had been weird and rewarding. The woman was lonely. And Rose was beginning to understand lonely was a very sad place to live. Finding a connection with someone she’d disliked before made her feel...well, better for a minute. But not for long.
She was just living in a particularly sad moment in time, and she had to accept that.
That her work would feel a little bit heavier for a bit. That the joy would be gone from her day-to-day. Until she found a way to make new joy.
And she was fresh out right about now.
Logan was her other half. She felt like she was wandering around, missing a crucial part of herself.
Asshole.
Her movements became a little bit angrier after that.
Anger wasn’t a whole lot more fun than sadness, but at least it had a bit more energy.
She heard heavy footsteps crossing the barn and she turned. Her anger ignited. “I thought I told you that you had to leave?”
“You did,” Logan said, his perfect, beautiful mouth set into a grim line. She wanted to kiss that mouth. And she wanted to punch it.
“Well, then, why are you here? You have some nerve, showing up and standing there, and just being...there.”
“I’m here to beg for your forgiveness, if that helps.”
“I don’t want your pity. I don’t want your apology.”
“What about if I told you I loved you?”
She stopped, and she dropped the shovel, the thick wooden handle making a heavy sound as it hit the ground. “Go on.”
“I’m a coward. You’re right. And I went to your brother, and I basically dared him to punch me in the face. For him to tell me that I needed to leave you alone, that I wasn’t welcome. Something to let me off the hook. But he wouldn’t. I wanted Ryder to punch me in the face and say that debauching you was the worst thing I could’ve ever done.”
“Please tell me you did not tell my brother you...debauched me.”
“I did. I figured he would hit me. Good and hard. But he didn’t. He said that we’d be good together. Provided that I can give you what you deserve. And he believes that I can if I quit being a coward. He did exactly what you did. He made me accountable for my choices. I hated that. I had to get down to what really bothered me. And what you said... What you said kept ringing in my ears, Rose. That it suited me to blame myself for my mother’s death. And you’re right, it did. For a thousand reasons. Because if there was someone to blame, it felt like there was a reason. Like maybe I could keep other bad things from happening. That by not loving you I might be able to keep you safe. That I might be able to keep myself safe. If I made it so I didn’t deserve any of this that I might not have to face the fact that I was just afraid. Afraid to love you, because losing you would devastate me. But I can’t live like that anymore. I can’t be death’s bitch. I can’t let my grief decide who I’m going to be.”
“Logan...”
“I love you,” he said. “I think I have for the last five years. Since that moment you smiled at me. Since... You’re part of my heart, Rose. Part of the healing that this place brought to me, and I was too much of a damned coward. You are right. It was all here in Hope Springs. But I didn’t want to heal, because healing meant
