‘Why you shaking your head, child?’
‘Tawanda, I don’t know why you do crosswords. You’re terrible at them,’ Autumn told her.
‘Eight letters is a hard answer.’
‘It is not. The longer they are, the easier they are.’
‘You know it?’ Tawanda asked.
Autumn laughed. ‘Yes, I know it, and I’m not telling you.’
It was almost a month since she had won the IMA award, and despite wanting to take some time off, she had ended up on every talk and entertainment show on every network in the US, and almost as many in the UK on her return. She had sung and talked herself hoarse, and even had to take part in riding a horse on one particularly cute show. Still, the riding had been better than the one where she’d had to crochet. Tawanda hadn’t let her forget that and kept asking if she was going to make her a shawl.
But finally, she had a holiday. Along with Tawanda and Tyler, she was in the Seychelles, on Mahé, sampling all the delights the Four Seasons Hotel had to offer.
Despite heavy questioning of Tawanda, the woman still refused to tell her where Tyler had come from. However, he was excellent at what he did. He’d been with her during her television show tours, ensuring her privacy, dealing with meet and greets, and pulling her out of situations when crowd control got out of hand. She trusted him, and it made her feel safe having him around.
She turned her head to look for him. He was to their left, on a sunbed not too far away, close enough to see them, far enough away to give them space. He never joined them for meals. He sat a few tables away, making sure everything passed off smoothly, and he wasn’t a great one for conversation. She had spent many an hour in the backseat of a limo with him, and she’d barely been given more than a few minutes of dialogue. Still, she didn’t need to know his life story, and she certainly didn’t want to divulge hers.
‘You are looking at Tyler again,’ Tawanda remarked, tearing her eyes away from the crossword.
‘I wasn’t. I wanted to know where he was, that’s all,’ Autumn said as her cheeks reddened.
‘If I were younger, I would be looking at him. What am I saying? I look at him anyway. What normal, red-blooded woman wouldn’t look at him?’ Tawanda’s laughter boomed out of her chest.
‘I’m not interested in looking at him,’ Autumn said, folding her arms across her bikini-clad chest.
‘No?’
‘No.’
‘Well, how about that one over there?’ Tawanda asked as she nudged her head to the right.
Autumn sat herself up a little, inched her sunglasses down her nose, and peeked over in the direction Tawanda was nodding.
Autumn felt her stomach contract as she observed the man Tawanda had pointed out. He was tall, lithe, and had short, dark hair that spiked down over his forehead. For a second, a glimmer of hope fluttered in her abdomen. Then, as the man turned to face their way, the feeling died.
‘He looks like Mr Nathan, no?’ Tawanda stated.
Autumn sighed. ‘A little… but not as handsome.’
‘Someone will come, child. Someone who will sweep you off your feet when you’re least expecting it.’
‘I’m not sure I want to be swept off my feet.’
‘No?’
‘No, I mean, all that stuff isn’t real. Men are just men. Some of them are better than others, but none of them ride up on a white horse or paraglide in with a bouquet of roses,’ Autumn said, her attention turning to a man about to launch into the air from the back of a speedboat.
‘That, I would like to see,’ Tawanda remarked. ‘Most of them this week have been lucky to hang on to their swimming trunks!’
Autumn turned and faced her friend. ‘I still miss him.’
‘I know.’
‘It’s been almost two months, and it doesn’t feel better.’
‘I know.’
‘I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t know how to stop thinking about him, stop missing him.’
Her emotions were getting the better of her. She could feel the rise and fall of her chest becoming more and more rapid, and the numbers were falling onto her tongue.
‘When Tyler arrived, when he told me that word, I almost thought that…’ Tawanda started, her voice trembling.
‘Thought what?’
‘He used a code word Nathan had used before, a word only a few of us would know the meaning of. For a second, I thought he was still alive,’ Tawanda said.
Her words pulled at Autumn’s heart as the thought of Nathan being with her filled her with loss and longing all at the same time.
‘But then I realized that Nathan, being Nathan, had thought of everything. He’d always had Tyler lined up for you, if he didn’t make it. He was always so organized like that, always thinking ahead, knowing what needed to be done and doing it. He wouldn’t want you to be mourning him forever, Autumn. He would want you to live your life and make the most of everything.’ Tawanda reached for her hand. ‘He would be so proud of what you did with the donation to Help For Heroes, and for the work you’re going to do with Blu-Daddy’s foundation.’
‘I know, but it isn’t enough. I wish he was here. We had no time together, and the time we had together was extreme, to say the least, and…’ Autumn started.
‘There’s a fishing trip this afternoon? Wanna go?’
Neither of them had noticed Tyler approach. He now stood in front of Autumn’s sunbed wearing nothing but shorts and shades.
‘Mr James, I was actually in the middle of a conversation. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to speak to you about sneaking up on me,’ Autumn said, pulling off her sunglasses and wiping at her tear-filled eyes.
‘I apologize, Miss Raine, but Leo, the guide over there, would like to know numbers and…’ Tyler started.
‘Why would I want to
